Again
by JLaLa
Summary: 1995-The O.J. Trial, The Oklahoma City Bombing, and the year that Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark meet. AU-Takes place between present day and 1995.
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to the children of the 90's.

The Hunger Games characters do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for wonderful beta skills and just being a wonderful person all around.

_Back in the days when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore  
But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again…_

_ -Ahmad_

Again

By JLaLa

Chapter One: 2012

_**Present Day, Redwood City**_

"Will you be needing anything else, Miss Everdeen?" Rue, my assistant, asks.

Giving her a smile, I shake my head and close the file that I'm looking over.

"I'm good," I reply and take a sip from my cup. "Why don't you go to lunch?"

"Cool," she says with a grin. "Thanks, Miss Everdeen."

"When you're at lunch, it's Katniss," I tell her. I've known Rue since she was a kid. She went to school with my younger sister, Prim. The two are actually living together in Burlingame. "Will you tell Prim to give me a call when she gets a chance? You see her more than I do."

"Sure," Rue replies. "By the way, are you going to the wedding? It's going to be a big one. Thresh is flying in from Ontario tomorrow night."

Thresh is Rue's older brother and a friend of mine from high school.

"Of course! It's not every day that a wedding like this happens." I take a sip from my cup again. "We've only been waiting since we graduated high school for this to happen."

Rue giggles. "Annie and Finnick did take their time, didn't they?"

I nod. "They sure did."

Her eyes turn serious suddenly. "Is _he_ coming?"

"From what Finnick tells me, yes. He's coming in from New York." I touch my braid unconsciously, remembering how he used to tug at it playfully.

"I've seen some of his work in the Times," she informs me. "Beautiful photos."

"He was always talented with a camera." I look over at the photo on my desk. Looking at my watch, I smile at her. "Why are you wasting your lunch hour on me? You should go."

"Oh yeah! I'll see you later, Katniss!" With that, she is gone.

Getting up, I look out the window of my office. This area is all office buildings, though they try to give it some life by inserting man-made fountains and such. The Google building is a few yards away from this one. They had offered me a position there a few months ago, but I was content with where I was working.

My cellphone rings and seeing the name I pick it up, grinning. "Hello there, Johanna."

"Katniss! You're going to pick me up, right?" Johanna Mason, my best friend and date for the biggest wedding of the century. "I'm in L.A. right now, so I should be landing in an hour and a half. Can't wait to see you! You must be crapping your pants right now."

"I'm not crapping my pants right now," I reply with a frown.

"Yeah, right." I hear her sniff. "I need a shower right now. I haven't had one since I left Honduras." Johanna is a physician for 'Doctors Without Borders'.

"TMI, dollface," I say to her with a giggle. "Can't wait to see you, though."

"Katniss? Are you really alright?" Concern is obvious in her voice. "I mean, it's Peeta."

"I know who he is." I sit back down and look at the photo again. "Just like I'm sure you know who Gale is."

"Gale who?"

"Gale Hawthorne, my best friend and your former high school boyfriend?" I hear her huff. "You know, the one who married Madge?"

"Oh yeah, that one," she says with a seemingly calm voice. "How are the Hawthornes?"

"I don't know," I tell her. "They live in Tacoma now, trying to do the family thing."

"So no kids?" I can almost hear the glee in her voice.

"Not that I know of," I reply. "Are you bringing a hot Honduran doctor with you?"

"No, but I did meet a really cute guy on the plane," she whispers. "Really got to know him in the plane's restroom, if you know what I mean."

"Gross."

"You know you love me."

"Unfortunately." I check my watch. "I have to go. I'll see you soon."

"See you then. Oh, and Katniss?" she pauses. "I can't wait to see you."

"It has been too long, hasn't it?" A smile grows on my face.

"If you call five years a long time," Johanna says and I can hear her take a deep breath. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I know." I don't actually believe it. "Are you telling yourself this?"

"Yes," she says. "I'm saying it to you, too."

"See you soon." I hang up.

Picking up the invitation, I look at the fancy script inviting me to witness the wedding of Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. Our group of friends has been waiting for them to tie the knot since we were teenagers. They were the golden couple, the high school sweethearts and to this day are still mad for one another.

I look at the picture on my desk. It was taken many years ago during a picnic in Dolores Park.

Annie and Finnick stand to one side with his arm around her waist. Annie is wearing a baby-doll dress that we had picked out at Contempo Casuals that very day. She had wanted to impress Finnick. It shouldn't have mattered anyway, because Finnick wasn't much of a dresser to begin with. He was in a wife beater and light blue Calvin Klein jeans. It was his staple outfit.

Next to them is Thresh, in his bright striped shirt and overalls shorts, one strap hangs over his front. His cornrowed hair is peeking out slightly from backwards baseball cap.

Then there is Gale, with his chin length hair that hung over his eyes, covering the beautiful grey that they were. He used to tie his flannels around his waist. When Johanna was cold, she would yank them from his waist and the throw them on.

Johanna had a strange way of flirting.

She stood next to me in a tight leather pants, a red tank and a fishnet top over it. Her hair was cropped to her chin and it had a burgundy tinge to it from using too much sun-in spray.

Then there was me, with my hair split down the middle and tied in a loose braid. My outfit was a black tank and baggy olive green pants. Apparently, I thought I was the fourth member of TLC.

Peeta.

He had just moved up from San Diego a month before that picture was taken and was just assimilating himself into the group. It was his camera that had captured the moment. He was talented, even as a young boy. Peeta has his hands in the pockets of his khakis. It was a nervous habit of his, stuffing his hands in his pockets when he felt awkward.

A text comes through on my phone: 'Home at six. –A'

Tossing my keys into my purse, I respond before heading out to SFO to pick up Johanna.

'See you then. Love you.'

* * *

"Excuse me, beautiful," a deep voice says behind me.

I roll my eyes and turn. I'd know that voice anywhere, even when it's trying to sound like a guy's.

Standing in front of me is Johanna, grinning wickedly at me. Her hair is now a rich chocolate brown and is blunt at the ends. It grazes her shoulders nicely. Her skin is nicely tan and her figure fit. She is wearing a halter top and shorts and on her feet, thick soled boots.

I pull her in for hug. "Did you really think that I would fall for that line?"

"Yes, because you could really use a good 'up and down' time in your life," she replies as we hug. "You look beautiful, not a day over thirty."

"Thirty-four is not so bad," I say to her. I look at her empty hands. "Where's your luggage?"

She turns with me and we see a handsome dark-haired man holding two big bags just a few feet away. Johanna winks at him.

"Bathroom guy?" I ask her. She nods.

"He was nice enough to hold my bags for me."

"I don't have to drive him home, do I?"

"I'll be your best friend if you do," Johanna says, batting her eyelashes.

"You are my best friend," I say back. "He could be a murderer."

"No, he's not," she says. "Trust me. I checked for weapons."

"I don't even want to ask how."

We drop off Antonio in San Bruno and Johanna tells me that she actually met him in Honduras. He is actually a nurse who just happened to be leaving the same time as her. They shared a cab and sat next to one another on the plane. Boredom and horniness led to their tryst in the restroom.

"I can't believe you," I say as I drive on the 280. "You are crazy."

"Well if I'd known that there were perks like this being a computer nerd, then I would've gone down your career path," she says and touches the leather seat that she sits in. "Look at you, all fancy in your BMW."

"I did okay."

"You're an executive for a company that owns two major programs," she replies. "You invented one of the programs!"

"Yeah, so?" I change lanes so I can merge onto the 101.

"There is a program called 'KATNISS' out there," Johanna says in disbelief.

The 'KATNISS' program is a cataloging program that is used in companies to record inventory. My company first licensed the program to a children's clothing company that had their headquarters based in San Francisco, then to a major gaming company based in New York. Now we have a thousand companies using 'KATNISS'.

"I'm aware of that, Jo," I reply as I make an exit off the freeway.

"That's really great, kid." I catch her eyes and see the seriousness in them. "I'm really proud of you. After all you've been through, you've kept it together."

"Aw, thanks, Jo-Jo." She grimaces at my nickname for her.

As I cut across the city, I see her excitement grow. It's been a long time and the city has changed in a lot of places. It has also remained the same. Her eyes become far away when she sees our old school, Mission High School. She looks over and sees Dolores Park. I take her hand as she looks at the park that was our hangout.

I know she is thinking of Gale.

"So have you seen the happy couple lately?" she asks me after a moment. "This wedding in Napa sounds unsurprisingly ostentatious."

"I met up with them last week," I tell her.

"How is Los Angeles treating them?" We are driving up the hill to my house in Noe Valley.

"Good, I presume." I make a turn into my driveway. "Of course, Finn is a producer and Annie is a surgeon, so they are living the high life."

"And so are you!" Johanna looks up at my house.

It is a two-story house resembling an Italian villa. There is a balcony on the top floor and the large windows make the house seem more open. I grin when I see the car already parked in the driveway.

I beep twice.

"Welcome to my house," I tell her and we both get out of the car.

"It's gorgeous," she says looking up at it. "Where's A—"

Before she can finish, the door bursts open. "Auntie Jo-Jo!"

"Adina!" My daughter throws herself into Johanna's arms. Dark-haired and olive skinned, Adina is truly my daughter. The shape of her dark grey eyes is her father's however. "How are you doing, darling?"

"Wonderful," Adina responds enthusiastically. While we look alike, our similarities end there. She is bright and bubbly, while I was always serious when I was her age. "Did Mom tell you that I got into Juilliard?"

"Oh, my God! Congratulations baby!" Johanna turns to me. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted her to tell you," I reply. "After all, you are her Godmother."

Adina comes to me and gives me a hug. Then she turns back to Johanna.

"I hate that it's so far away though," she says. "I don't want to leave Mom all by herself."

"I'll be fine," I assure her. Looking her over, I see that she's still in her school uniform. "Why didn't you change, Sweetheart?"

"I just got home five minutes ago," she tells me. "Band practice ran long."

"Let's take your Godmother out for dinner," I say. "She needs to get thoroughly sloshed if she is going to hang with us."

"Can we go to Lupa?" It's her favorite Italian restaurant. I nod with a grin. "I'll go get changed!" Adina runs back into the house, her long wavy hair flying behind her.

Johanna meets my eyes. "You did good, Katniss. She's wonderful."

"She's her father."

* * *

Knocking on the door, I enter Adina's room. She is already sitting on the bed and I smile when I see that she is wearing an old two tone baseball tee that was once mine. Adina closes the box that she was looking into as I close the door.

"Hey," I greet her and walk over to sit on the edge of the bed.

She smiles back and my insides ache. That familiar grin. How can a smile make me so happy and so sad at the same time?

"Where's Auntie Jo-Jo?" Adina asks.

"Passed out on red wine in her room," I tell her and trace the box with my fingers. Adina looks at me guiltily.

"She had some wild stories." Johanna captivated everyone with her adventures in South America. I think that's the reason they kept on giving her wine.

"You know your Godmother," I tell her. "Always the life of the party." I look at the box and open it after getting a nod from her.

Inside are movie tickets to the movie 'Dangerous Minds', three cassette tapes in their cardboard cases, and finally, a picture of me when I was Adina's age—taken by him.

"Auntie Prim told me that Peeta is coming to the wedding," she says. I nod silently, unable to swallow the lump forming in my throat. "You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask and then look at her. Adina is trying to fight off her feelings of excitement. "Are you okay?"

She shrugs. "I don't know what I'm feeling. He's a stranger."

"It's not your fault," I say to her. "It's mine. I was selfish and I didn't want to share you. Even with him."

Adina shakes her head and smiles at me. "You did what you had to do," she says. "Look at everything he has accomplished, the beautiful photographs that he's taken. I'm proud of him." Adina looks down at the picture of me. "He wouldn't have taken those photographs if he had a kid strapped to his hip."

"I feel bad." I take Adina's hand. "Every child should know their father."

"I think you did great, if it helps." I push her hair away from her face. She is so much like him. Her enthusiasm for life and her unselfish nature are definitely not my traits. I wanted her because she was his. When I first laid eyes on her, she was mine and no one else's.

"It helps a lot," I say to her. "I'm going to tell him, you know."

"You don't have to," Adina says, her big grey eyes staring at me. "I feel like he'll know somehow. Let him come to us."

"If he does know and he just takes off after the wedding, I don't want you to be disappointed."

Adina nods. "We have each other," she replies simply. "I don't need anyone but you to be my parent. It would be nice to know him, though."

"It would definitely be nice for you to get to know him." Adina smiles half-heartedly and her eyes are suddenly full of tears. I pull her into my arms and she sniffles softly into my chest. "Adina, what's wrong?"

"What if he doesn't like me?" she asks in a small voice.

"He's going to love you," I assure her and run my hand down her hair. "He's going to hate me for never telling him about you."

"No, he still cares for you." She pulls away and wipes her eyes. "Auntie Rue says that he asks my Godfather about you all the time."

"I'll have to ask Thresh about that then." Kissing her forehead, I stand up and she lies down. "Go to bed, we have a long week ahead of us." I pull the covers over her. "Goodnight, baby."

"Night, Mom," she replies quietly and she turns to her side to look at me. "I love you."

"Love you, too," I say. Adina closes her eyes.

When I reach the doorway and shut off the light, she is already asleep.

"Dad…" It comes out as a whisper.

Poor kid. I really screwed up.

Closing the door, I walk out into the hallway. Pictures of Adina growing up are hung up on the wall. The last picture on the wall before my bedroom is her senior photo. Her smile is Peeta's. It is a constant reminder of my betrayal.

When I enter my room, I look around. Photographs line the walls, most of them of Adina. Some of them are photos of random city scenery, but they are striking nonetheless. When Johanna saw, she could only shake her head. After all this time, I couldn't let them go. They were his gift to me.

Peeta Mellark's photos, dependent on subject, run for at least a good thousand. I'm lucky to have his amateur work.

I change into my pajamas and then turn on the radio.

"_You're all I need…to get by, ahhhh…"_

Getting into bed, I listen to the song and memories flood my mind.

When I close my eyes, I am no longer thirty-four year old Katniss Everdeen, mother of sixteen year old Adina Everdeen and executive for Cartwright Programming.

I am Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old and I have just seen the most beautiful pair of blue eyes from across the school gym.

* * *

_**Note: I only plan to put the first two chapters of this story on this site because it could be taken down later. Please sign up for e-mail updates. The e-mail list address can be found on my profile page.**_

So ends Chapter One. Chapter Two will take place in 1995.

The title of this story is based off the Janet Jackson song from the 'Poetic Justice' soundtrack.

I hope you like this beginning set-up.

I know this is set in San Francisco again, but I have family and friends that are Katniss' present age so they can give me insight. I was only in middle school then, though I remember a lot.

Does anyone know where I got the name Adina from?

The song that Katniss hears is "I'll Be There for You/You're All I Need to Get By" performed by Method Man and Mary .

There is an actual Mission High School. Also, Dolores Park is park in San Francisco. Noe Valley is a district in San Francisco. It's a nice quiet area between Mission and the Castro. Lupa is an Italian restaurant in Noe Valley.

Redwood City is where a lot of the companies like Google and Sony are located. My husband worked over at Sony for a while. Redwood City is probably thirty to forty-five minutes from San Francisco dependent on traffic.

Next: May 1995 from Katniss's POV.

Send all comments and feedback to JLaLaFics , or on AO3 or in my message/ask on Tumblr.

-JLaLa


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to everyone who commented about the first chapter. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it!

The characters of the Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_Mama always told me to "Be careful who I love"  
And Daddy always told me, "Make sure he's right"…_

_ -Aaliyah "4 Page Letter" (1997)_

Again

Chapter Two: 1995

**Friday, May 26, 1995**

"_Shorty, I'm there for you anytime you need me  
For real girl, it's me in your world, believe me  
Nothin' make a man feel better than a woman  
Queen with a crown that be down for whatever  
There are few things that's forever, my lady…."_

"The new boy is looking at you," Johanna, my best friend, tells me as the music blares in the crowded gym.

I turn to see where Johanna is looking and catch a pair of bright blue eyes looking at me from across the way. The sound of Mary J. Blige singing the hook fades around me as we make eye contact. He's only been here for a month, but I noticed him that first day when he walked into my AP English class. When Miss Trinket sat him behind me, my skin immediately tingled and somehow, I knew he was staring. Just like I do now.

"You like him," she teases and gives me a smile. "So is that why you dragged all of us to this shitty dance?"

"No," I say. "I'm here because I'm supporting Thresh. If more people come to these shitty school dances, then he gets hired for more dances."

I look up at the bleachers where Thresh has set up with his turntables. He's dancing to the music while holding a set of headphones to one ear. When our eyes meet, I give him a thumbs-up. He grins and waves at me. His bright mustard button down is noticeable even in the dark and compliments his skin tone. Unfortunately, the baggy pants and the cornrows don't.

"Whatever," Johanna responds and holds out a bottle of Snapple to me. "Want some?"

"Is all of it actual juice in there?"

She shakes her head and begins to sway to the music. Her eggplant-colored leather pants cling to her tightly and her black cropped sweater shows off her recent belly piercing. Johanna exudes a sexiness that I can't and I suddenly feel self-conscious.

Johanna notices right away and stops. "What's wrong?"

"Do I look okay?" I hold out of the skirt of the burgundy baby doll I'm wearing, a hand-me-down from Annie. She said she had two more just like it.

"You look so cute," she assures me. "Here—" Johanna turns and cups her hands around her mouth. "HEY NEW BOY! COME HERE!"

"Jo!" Shit. He's coming over.

"Don't act like you don't want him to come over, especially when you've had your pretty grey eyes on him this whole time."

"I look like shit."

"You look beautiful."

I whip around quickly and my braid comes into contact with someone.

"I guess you don't take compliments well," Peeta Mellark says as he rubs his cheek. He smiles and my cheeks warm.

"I'm so sorry," I say. My hand instantly reaches up to touch his cheek and now he's blushing.

"You two are going to make beautiful babies," Johanna jokes. "I'm Johanna Mason, Katniss' best friend. What's your name, new boy?"

"Peeta. Peeta Mellark," he introduces himself. "Nice to meet you."

"So, Peeta, you take pictures?" She nods her head at the Canon camera that he holds in his hand. The strap connected to it hangs around his neck.

"I started about a month ago," he tells her.

"Are you good?"

"I'm working on it," Peeta says and his eyes meet mine again.

Johanna looks between us. "Okay…" She walks over to him and puts her mouth close to his ear. "So tell me, do you like Katniss' dress?"

The tips of his ears turn red and he puts his hands in the pockets of his khakis. His eyes travel from my face down to my dress.

"It's pretty," he says softly after a moment.

"Take a picture of her," Johanna orders.

"Johanna! Bossy much?" I turn to Peeta."Don't listen to her."

He shakes his head. "Let me. In fact, why don't I take a picture of both of you?"

Johanna goes over to me and puts her arm around me. I lean my head towards hers. Peeta puts the camera up to his face so he can look through the viewer and his hand adjusts the dial around the lens. He looks, then lets the camera rest against his chest.

"Let me fix something," Peeta says and he walks over to me. His hand reaches behind me and pulls my braid forward so that it rests on my shoulder. "There." He tugs at it gently and winks before going back to his original spot.

"Look at his ass," Johanna whispers in my ear. "Despite the fact that I hate khakis, he belongs in them."

"Jo, please," I plea with her. "Don't be so yourself."

Her eyes soften. "You really do like him, don't you?"

I don't answer and instead turn to where Peeta stands, holding the camera up to his face.

"Okay, smile," he tells us.

I take a deep breath and smile for him.

Peeta takes the picture and then puts the camera down again. "Thanks for the opportunity, ladies. I'll see you when school starts up again."

"Wait," Johanna says. "We're having a little picnic for my birthday tomorrow. It's going to be in the park across the street. You should come. You can meet the rest of the crew."

"I think I met one of your friends already. Finnick?" he says. "He invited me, too. I didn't know that it was your birthday, though."

"Finnick would invite someone without telling me," she mutters. "Anyway, it's around noon. Bring your camera."

"Sure." He looks over at me. "You're coming too, right?"

I nod. "I'll be there earlier. Thresh—" I wave over at him at the DJ booth. "—and I are in charge of decorations and music."

"I'll be there then," he tells me.

"We'd better go," Johanna says. "Gale said he'd give us a ride home."

"You sure you don't want to be alone with Gale?" I tease. It's only fair.

"He and Finnick are probably so high right now," she tells me. "You're the only one who can drive."

Gale and Finnick, two of our other friends, agreed to come with us but disappeared just moments after the dance started. I'm pretty sure we're going to find them smoking up in the park. Finnick wouldn't be doing it though if Annie, his girlfriend, was here. She's having dinner with her grandparents.

"You're right," I tell her. "Let's go." I look over at Peeta. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Can't wait," he replies with an easy smile. "Good night."

As we walk away, I can feel him watching us. Just like in class, I can feel the goosebumps rising on my skin. This time, it doesn't seem to bother me.

* * *

I open the door quietly to my house.

I'm surprised that Mom isn't waiting up for me. She's usually up at this time to watch recaps of the O.J. trial on the ten o'clock news. Since the trial began broadcasting on TV, my parents have become obsessed. O.J. is a San Francisco native and a former 49-Niners player. He even went to Galileo High School, which is where my parents went.

As I walk up the stairs and to my room, I pass my parents' bedroom and can hear them arguing. When are they not fighting?

I quickly run into my room and close the door. Once I am changed, I turn on the radio and choose the classical music station. The music helps to drown them out. Lately, they've been going at it a lot more. Before, it was just a weekly thing.

Pulling back the blanket, I slip into bed. I close my eyes and try to ignore my Mom's voice. She's screaming about his work schedule. She's tired of waiting for him to come home.

Why do they always have to yell? I'm surprised that Prim isn't up.

Then I hear a knock on the door. Sitting up, I see Prim, my younger sister, in the doorway. She's thirteen, but the pink pajama pants and the 'Carmen Sandiego' t-shirt make her look like a child.

"Can't sleep?" I ask her.

"They've been yelling since dinner," Prim says to me sadly. I shake my head. My parents never think about filtering themselves whenever they are in front of her.

"About what?"

She walks in and closes the door. "Dad came home late and I guess we were supposed to go out to dinner since you were going to the dance." As she approaches me, she continues her story. "Mom said she was tired of always being stuck at home after work." Mom works downtown as an administrative assistant.

"Do you want to sleep with me?" I ask and she nods. I pull back the covers and she squeezes in right next to me. "They'll make up, they always do."

When I was younger, their fighting wasn't as bad and they were always okay within a day. All my Dad had to do was wrap his arms around her waist and she would forgive him. That was a long time ago.

I pull the blanket over us. "How was the dance?" she asks me.

"It was fun," I reply. "Johanna got to show off her belly button ring. Thresh was great. Everyone really liked the music. Gale seemed to have a fun time, too."

He had fun alright. I ended up driving while he spent most of the time cuddling against Johanna in the backseat while we dropped off Finnick. Johanna was only happy to oblige. She let him lay his head on her lap and through the rearview mirror, I watched her run her hand through his long hair.

They have been playing this game for six months. None of us know what is going on with them.

"How about you?" Prim asks. My parents have finally tired themselves out and the other side of the wall is silent. "Did you have fun?"

"Johanna and I met a boy." It comes out without thought.

Prim looks up at me and grins. "A boy? What's his name?"

"His name is Peeta Mellark. He just moved here from San Diego a month ago. He's in my English class."

"Is he cute?" I almost giggle at her wide eyes. She is still so innocent. "What does he look like?"

"He has wavy blond hair and blue eyes. He has a nice smile and he's a good height; not too short, not too tall. Johanna says he has a nice butt." We both laugh when I tell her this.

"What do you think of his butt?"

"I never got a good look," I lie. I actually had a great view of it in his khakis. "He takes pictures, too."

"Wow," she whispers and yawns. Prim is drifting off. "Do you like him?"

I think for a moment before answering.

"Yes."

* * *

"_We were chillin in the park_

_Just waiting for the sun to go down_

_It was me Shiro and the homies_

_A lighter shade of brown…" _

"Thanks for helping out," I tell Peeta and lower the volume of Thresh's portable boombox.

We sit next to one another on top of the picnic table. Thresh mans the grill while Annie and Finnick dance to the music. Their arms are wrapped tightly around each another and I try not to blush as they grind against one another in the busy park. A few people are watching, but they don't seem to care.

Letting Annie get that dress this morning was such a bad idea. She picked me up before I had to set up so that we could go to the mall downtown where she proceeded to try on every dress in Contempo.

I sat in the dressing room reading a dream dictionary from their book section.

The dress has pretty floral print, but it stopped being pretty when I realized how short it was. I mentioned it to her, but then she started talking about "easy access for Finn" and I stopped listening.

"No problem." He smiles back at me as he fiddles with his camera. "Everyone is really nice."

"Even Gale?" I think of his reaction when I introduced Peeta. Besides Johanna, Gale is one of my closest friends. "He doesn't come off as very nice."

"No, he's okay," Peeta tells me. "He's just really protective of you and Johanna. I can tell."

"I've known him forever." I lean forward and clasp my hands. "So he's like a brother." Peeta's eyes brighten. "Look at them, though."

Our eyes drift to Johanna and Gale who are a few feet away. Johanna leans back against the tree. Gale stands in front of her. One hand rests against the tree as he leans towards her.

"They look really happy," Peeta says. He raises his camera to his face and takes a photo of them. "And you? Do you have someone that you're with?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know…someone that you act like—" He nods towards Finnick and Annie who are still dancing. "—them with?"

I look at him for a moment. He wants to know if I have a boyfriend.

Instead of answering, I look through the pile of CD's and pull one out. Stopping the CD that's playing, I push open the top of the boombox and change out the CD's.

I push the fast forward until I get to track four. We listen to the slow beat and the beginning lines before I turn to him again.

"Do you like this song?" I ask him.

"_I must admit to you  
I've heard them lines a time or two  
Although for some apparent reason  
Monkey lines are now in season  
Lights off, lights on  
I guess the groove is on so I am…"_

"Who doesn't love this song? But they should let Chilli sing more." he replies. I smile at his statement.

"No," I tell him. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Good." He is suddenly closer and I'm not really sure which one of us moved. Maybe it was both. "Can I take your picture?"

"I'm no good at pictures."

"You were fine yesterday," he argues.

"I was with Johanna."

"I promise that I'll make it painless," he says. "Now, tell me who's the person that you love most in the world?"

I look over at him for a moment. What is he playing at? Peeta's mouth relaxes into a smile as I stare at him. Something inside tells me to trust him.

"My sister, Prim," I say and look out at the park. "There's no one that I love more than her."

_Click._

"See? Easy," he says. "Thanks for letting me take your picture."

"Can I have it?"

Peeta shakes his head. "Any other pictures I take of you are yours if you want, just not this one."

"Why?"

"I want to keep it just in case we never see each other again," Peeta tells me.

"That sounds really sad," I remark.

He put his camera down. "Do you want to know why I started taking pictures?"

"Tell me."

"Oklahoma City." His bright eyes are suddenly dark. "Seeing those images of the building did something to me. And the pictures of children, especially of Baylee Almon—my oldest brother is a firefighter. I never saw him cry until he saw those photos. Being able to capture a moment like that teaches us not to forget."

I'm blown away. I've never known someone so passionate about something.

"A week after that, I pulled out my Dad's old Canon and started taking pictures. I'm not great at it."

"But you will be," I tell him. "I feel like you see things that no one else does."

"I try."

"Do you think that you see something in me that no one else does?" I ask.

Our eyes meet and Peeta nods. He reaches over to where my braid lays against my shoulder and tugs at it. "I don't think. I know."

"HEY, PEETA!" Johanna is running towards us. Gale follows at a more languid pace and he smiles as he watches her.

"Yes, birthday girl?" She grins at the title. Jo officially approves of him.

"We need a picture of the crew," she states. "Can you make it happen?"

"I think I can arrange it," he says. "Call everyone over."

Johanna wrangles Annie and Finnick apart while Peeta sets up his tripod. Then she drags Thresh over. "We're ready."

He looks at the group first after putting his camera on the stand. "So, Annie and Finnick first, then Thresh. Gale in the middle, then the birthday girl and finally, Katniss."

"What about you?" Johanna asks him. "You have to be in the picture, too."

"You sure?" Peeta looks pleased at being included.

"Of course!" Finnick says to him. "You're part of the family."

"Come play with us," Annie adds, her smile slightly crooked because she is buzzed.

"Yeah, dude," Thresh says. "Anyone willing to take on Katniss here is worth hanging with."

"Thresh!" My face is on fire.

"Girl, you know I got your back. I'm trying to hook you up here!" He laughs at my embarrassed expression.

"We're losing valuable time. The sun is going to set soon," Johanna whines.

"Let me just set up the timer." Peeta presses a button and then rushes over. He stands next to me. Our eyes meet and he gives me a lopsided smile. "Ready?"

"I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting year," I tell him before turning towards the camera.

* * *

Next: Peeta-2012

There's going to a brief hiatus since the lovely Chelzie is going on a well-deserved vacation. I'll be working on the next chapters of "Two Wrongs" and "Again" during this time.

There are two big events that I refer to.

The Oklahoma City Bombing occurred on April 19, 1995 and it remains one of the most destructive acts of terrorism in the United States. Nineteen of the 168 people that perished were children. The iconic image of Baylee Almon being held by Firefighter Chris Fields was taken by photographer, Charles Porter. Porter was awarded a Pulitzer in 1996.

The other event that I refer to is the O.J. Simpson trial, where he was tried for the murder of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ronald Goldman. The trial began to air on television in January of 1995 and continued until October 3rd when the verdict was announced. We'll see everyone's thoughts on this later on.

I hope that no one feels like I am trying to make a statement on any of these events. These two events were a large part of 1995 and really should be inferred to, if anything.

There is also a lot of alcohol and weed smoking in this story. I just wanted to warn people going in. This fic is rated M for a reason.

This is just a _brief_ introduction of all the characters, but I'm hoping that each one gets their own chapter. Not everyone is what they seem.

Prim wears a "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" shirt. The show ended on December 22nd of that year.

Songs:

"I'll Be There for You/You're All I Need to Get By"-Method Man/Mary J. Blige (1995)

"On a Sunday Afternoon"-A Lighter Shade of Brown (1991)

"Diggin' On You"-TLC (1994)

Please e-mail any comments to JLaLaFics , ask/submit on Tumblr, or review on AO3.

Thanks for all your support!

-JLaLa


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for your patience while I finished up Two Wrongs!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_I guess now it's time for me to give up  
I feel it's time  
Got a picture of you beside me  
Got you're lipstick mark still on your coffee cup…_

_-Take That "Back for Good" (1995) _

Again

Chapter Three: 2012

_**Upper West Side, Manhattan**_

"Mr. Mellark, your driver is here."

I look away from the computer screen to see my studio manager, Clove, waiting by the door for me. I make notes on my photo editor program before getting up.

"Thanks, Clove," I say as I get up and go to her. I take the luggage that is by the door. "Walk with me." She nods and follows me down the hallway. "Make sure that Darius checks out the notes I made on the Yosemite photos; I just finished the last set. Also, please have him tint the last three photos in File Four."

"Got it." She pulls out a notepad from her pocket and starts writing. "By the way, your plane ticket is in the pocket of your carry-on."

"Thanks. You both have my cell phone number," I continue as we get into the elevator. "I left the number to Finnick and Annie's place on the bulletin board."

"I already have it on my iPad," she says. "Anything else?"

We walk outside into the humid afternoon heat. The driver tips his hat to me and I hand him my bag. He goes to my door and opens it for me.

"Take a day off," I tell her. "Spend the day with that girlfriend that you keep on complaining about."

"Yes, sir," she replies with a grin. "Have a great trip."

I give her a final wave before the driver closes the door.

It's been almost seventeen years since I've been to San Francisco.

When Katniss stopped talking to me, I had no reason to come back. My Dad had returned to San Diego after I graduated, since the bakery didn't seem to be gaining any business in the Bay Area. He lives with my older brother and his family now.

"Sir, will you please put your table up?" the flight attendant asks as she passes my chair. "We're getting ready to land in a few minutes." I nod and put my table back in its place before sitting back.

I look out the window and see nothing but clouds. The fog in San Francisco seems to be heavy today.

I wonder if she'll be going to the wedding. Thresh said that she would be coming with Johanna, who was staying at her place. I was afraid, however, that she would change her mind if she knew I was there.

I pull out my wallet and take out the worn photograph. It was the first one I ever took of her. She looked so pretty. And the way she smiled when she talked about Prim, I knew I was already done for.

I trace her profile in the photo.

The seatbelt sign comes on and I quickly put the picture back in my wallet.

I'm going to see Katniss Everdeen again. And I'm scared shitless.

* * *

_**San Francisco, California**_

"Peeta!" Finnick lifts me easily from the sidewalk. "It's so good to see you, dude!" Behind him, Annie grins prettily and waves.

"Hey, man," I reply after he puts me down. "Hi, Annie." I give her a kiss on the cheek. "You're really going to marry this asshole?"

She holds out her hand which displays the giant diamond ring on her finger. "I guess so. The invitations have been sent out and have you seen this thing?"

"Nice and completely extravagant like your fiancé," I say as I look at it. "Now let me get a good look at you two." I take my old Canon from its case.

"I can't believe you still have that thing," Finnick says as he puts his arm around Annie's shoulders. Finnick was always built, but he is even broader than before. His skin has been bronzed by the Los Angeles sun and his hair is neatly combed back. He is wearing a striped button down, dark jeans and loafers.

Annie is wearing a pair of leather leggings and a loose white tunic. Her long, dark hair is in a topknot. On her feet are a pair of Manolo heels; I shot an ad for them two seasons ago and saw a shoe similar to the one she's wearing.

"The classics will never die," I say. "Now hold still so I can take this picture."

They smile easily for the camera. Finnick and Annie have always been a very good looking couple. However, there was always more to their relationship than the looks factor. They worked very hard to keep their relationship going, especially after what happened to Finnick.

Finnick takes my bag and puts it into the trunk of the white BMW. I hop into the back and before I know it, we are speeding down the highway.

"I see that you're still driving like a fucking maniac," I remark as he cuts off an Escalade.

"I have to beat that bridge traffic you know," he says. "How have you been? I saw your photos for the new exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. They looked great."

"They pay the bills," I say.

"I can't believe that the Times made you their photographer for Fashion Week," Annie says as she turns to look at me. "Was it fabulous?"

"I ate ten Gray's Papaya hot dogs after each show," I tell her. "I felt so bad for the models. They all looked like they were starving. I was waiting for one of them to pass out on the runway."

"They get paid to stay thin," Finnick says and winks at Annie. "I prefer some meat on my ladies." She swats his arm affectionately.

"Speaking of ladies…have you talked to Katniss?"

I see their eyes meet as they communicate with one another. Damn couples telepathy.

"Yes, we have," Annie finally says. "We actually had lunch with her last week."

"How is she?" I ask carefully.

"She's doing well," Finnick tells me as he drives. "She owns a house is in Noe Valley now and works for Delly's company in Redwood City."

"I heard." I remember Thresh mentioning that his little sister is her assistant.

"Before you ask, she's not married," Annie tells me.

"You should definitely talk to her," Finnick says. "You guys have some…unfinished business." Annie hits his arm again and glares at him.

"What?" I ask and they look at each other nervously.

"Just talk to her, okay?" Annie repeats. "She's coming to the party tomorrow."

"And please, please try to keep an open mind, okay?" Finnick says, his voice suddenly serious.

"Okay." I'm not sure what I'm agreeing to, however.

* * *

_**Napa, California**_

I see Katniss. Teenage Katniss.

For a moment, I think that I'm drunk. Then I realize that I haven't had a drop of liquor at this party.

She walks around the party in a knee-length, dark green dress with her hair pulled back.

I really am a wreck. I'm seeing her everywhere.

No one I know is here yet. Thresh should be arriving any minute with Johanna. Gale is driving down from Tacoma with his wife, Madge, and will be here later tonight. Everyone is a little nervous about the reunion between him and Johanna.

It's going to be an interesting week.

Instead of mingling with people, I decide to take pictures. I get nervous around crowds, so I like to hide behind my lens and just observe. I don't remember being like this when I was seventeen, though.

However, a lot has happened between then and now.

That's another story.

The house we are staying at is Annie's family home, or one of them anyway. Her family is old money. Besides this Napa vineyard home, they also have their house on Nob Hill. Her grandparents also own one of the Victorians on Alamo Square. I have no idea how she ended up going to Mission High School.

We used to come here with Annie. Katniss and I, along with the rest of the group, used this place as our little hideaway. Here, we had no problems and no rules; here, we were free.

My mind drifts to an image of Katniss, bare back with her dark hair loose as she lay hidden in the vineyard. I remember letting my hand move along the curves of her body, starting from her shoulder to her waist and onto her hip where I finally let it rest.

The sound of music brings me back to reality and I follow it to a less crowded area of the house. The music gets louder as I turn a corner and when I peek my head into the library, I see Katniss again.

She is playing the piano. Her eyes are concentrated on the black and ivory keys. The more I watch her, the more I start to see that she isn't my Katniss. Her eyes are a different shape, but she shares the same grey.

I aim my camera and take a shot. I want to capture this moment; this moment of utter contentment.

She looks up and spots me. The girl stops and her eyes widen when she sees me. "It's you."

"Do you know me?"

"I've heard of you. I've seen your photos. You're Peeta Mellark."

"Oh." I feel disappointed for some reason. "Can I come in?"

"Sure. Have a seat," she tells me. "I hope that Annie is okay with me playing her piano."

"I don't think she'll mind," I say. "Do you mind if I take your picture?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine," the girl says, her eyes focused on me. Her hands find her way back to the keys and she begins to play the same song. I take another photo.

"What song is that?"

"Pavane," she replies. "It was my audition piece. I'm going to Juilliard next year."

"Congratulations," I say. "Your parents must be proud."

She turns to me and tilts her head slightly. It looks familiar-that one movement.

"It's just my Mom, but we're really close."

"What's your name?"

"Adina," she says and holds out her hand.

"Nice to meet you." I shake her hand and that strange feeling happens again. Adina lets go of me quickly and runs her hand through her hair. "Are you just studying piano at Juilliard?"

"I'll be studying voice also."

"Impressive," I say and she seems happy with my approval.

"I'm going to be singing later for Annie and Finnick," Adina tells me. "You'll watch, won't you?"

"Of course."

"You promise?"

"I'll be right in the front."

"ADINA! Where are you?"

She stands up and makes sure that her dress isn't wrinkled. "That's my Auntie Jo-Jo. I'd better go."

"Jo-Jo?" I know only one other person who is allowed to call Johanna Mason 'Jo-Jo.'

"My godmother. I came here with her and my godfather, Thresh. I'd better go." She walks to the doorway then turns back to me. "Remember your promise!"

I nod before asking the question that been burning in my mind. "Adina, who is your mother?"

"Katniss Everdeen."

* * *

I find Finnick outside on the deck. He is dressed in a jet-black tuxedo talking to some guests. Annie stands next to him in a white silk halter dress with a small train. They look perfect, of course.

Annie's parents have paid a pretty penny for their only daughter's reception. It looks Gatsby-esque, as everything is white and opulent. A big band plays; they're all in white tuxedos with tails. In the middle of the dance floor is a blue light that had created the letters, A&F, with its shadow.

I approach him and give his guests a friendly smile.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but may I speak to Finnick for a moment?" I meet his eyes and the once jovial look on his face disappears.

"I'm fine, darling," Annie says to calm the tenseness that I have brought to the group. "You go on ahead." She gives me a smile before Finnick leads me away.

We walk to a less crowded area of the yard and then I turn to him.

"She has a daughter." It's all I can manage to say.

"You've met Adina," he states.

"You've met Adina?" I look at him, confused.

"I met her last week when we had lunch with Katniss," Finnick replies, his voice taking on a careful tone. He looks at me like he is waiting for me to explode. "We had lunch at her house and Adina had just come home from school."

"She looks a lot like her, but then she doesn't seem like her at all," I say softly. "Who's the father?"

"You need to talk to Katniss about this; it's not my story to tell," Finnick urges and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay? I know how you get around people sometimes."

I nod. "It's been getting better."

We see that a crowd is gathering on the dance floor. "We'd better head back. Annie will have my head if I disappear on her."

"You owe me a drink later."

He nods and puts an arm on my shoulders as we walk back. I look around and suddenly spot Adina. She is by the stairs of the stage as she talks to Johanna and Thresh. When Adina spots me, she smiles and waves. Her godparents follow her gaze over to me. Johanna's mouth falls open, but Thresh gives me a friendly nod.

Katniss has not made an appearance.

I see Adina walk up the stage and the crowd quiets for the pretty, dark haired teenager. She goes to the white grand piano that has been set up in the center and sits. A microphone has been set up on the piano.

She looks around again. I think she is looking for her mother. Her eyes then focus over on me. I give her an encouraging smile.

"I just wanted to say congratulations to Annie and Finnick on their upcoming wedding," she says into the mic and then looks over at them. "This house is beautiful like my Mom said it would be and the party is great. It's not quite fair, though, to bring someone who can't drink to a vineyard."

The crowd laughs. Adina has an easy charm. Watching her, I can see the differences between her and her mother. Katniss was not good at speaking to strangers. She had bluntness which I liked and understood, though many people didn't. She preferred to stick to the people she knew. I can see Adina being very popular at Juilliard.

"I was going to sing something more classic, but I guess being around my Mom's high school friends has made me—nostalgic? I'm not sure if that's the right word." Adina places her hands on keys. "Instead, I decided to sing a song that my Mom used to sing to me, a song that she loved when she was my age." She looks over at Annie and Finnick. "I hope you don't mind."

They both shake their heads.

Adina nods and then begins to play. My hearts swells hearing the first notes. I know this song. Katniss used to sing this to me.

"_I heard from a friend today  
And she said you were in town  
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind…"_

Suddenly, I'm seventeen again. I'm standing awkwardly in front of Miss Trinket's class as she introduces me and instantly my eyes find hers. She stares back before looking down at her notebook.

I shake the memory from my mind and look at Adina. Her eyes are closed, lost in the music. Everyone else is wonderstruck by her. For someone so young, she is so accomplished. I'm proud of her, and proud of Katniss for raising someone like her alone.

But why was she alone?

"_I've come too close to happiness  
To have it swept away  
Don't think I can take the pain  
No, never fall again…"_

I look to my left and there she is. Katniss Everdeen.

She doesn't see me because her eyes are focused on Adina, a blissful smile on her red lips. I find myself moving towards her slowly, though I'm not quite sure why. It's a force beyond my own control. As I walk, I focus on her.

She's wearing a fitted black dress and matching heels. Her hair falls in neat waves over her shoulders, with one side clipped back with a sparking dandelion clip. In her hand is a champagne glass like the rest of the guests. I can see that Katniss has grown into a very beautiful and sophisticated looking woman.

"_Kinda late in the game and my heart is in your hands…"_

My hand reaches for her wrist and my thumbs caresses the soft skin. I used to do this, especially when I was nervous or she was upset. It would always calm us down.

She turns to me. The look in her eyes the same when she sees me. I realize that sixteen years have passed and my feelings for her haven't changed one bit. I still love her.

Katniss smiles at me, then turns back to look at her daughter.

Adina is finishing her song and her eyes suddenly focus on the two of us.

Instantly, the puzzle comes together in my head and I see it all clearly. Her eyes are the same shape as my mother's. The same shape as mine. The way her head tilted when she talked to me is like my Dad. She runs her hand through her hair when she's nervous—just like I do.

Adina said that she would be going to Juilliard next year. That would make her around sixteen.

Wait, sixteen? Holy crap!

"_God knows I do love you again…"_

"Adina…" I start, my voice thick. "She's mine, isn't she? She's my daughter."

Katniss turns to me once more, her eyes telling me what I already know.

She answers anyway.

"Yes."

* * *

Thank you for your patience as I wrapped up Two Wrongs. I know it took a while for an update!

As of now, I think the updates will be pretty frequent.

Some notes:

Gray's Papaya is a hot dog place in New York. I went there a few years ago and begged my husband to go there with me, but he wouldn't! Every movie we've watched since then has featured it.

Napa is a city across from San Francisco and is, of course, Wine Country in the Bay Area.

"Pavane", which Adina plays for Peeta, is a classical composition by Gabriel Faure.

"Again" is sung by Janet Jackson and was part of the Poetic Justice Soundtrack (1993). It was also in her self-named album "Janet" (1993).

Next: 1995-Peeta. Our couple goes on their first date.

Comments are always welcome through e-mail, Tumblr or AO3.

Thanks!

-JLaLa


	4. Chapter 4

I'm on a roll!

The characters of The Hunger Games do not belong to me.

_At my most beautiful  
I count your eyelashes secretly.  
With every one, whisper I love you.  
I let you sleep.  
I know your closed eye watching me,  
listening.  
I thought I saw a smile…_

_ -R.E.M. "At My Most Beautiful" (1999)_

Again

Chapter Four: 1995

_**Friday, August 18, 1995**_

"You don't want that computer."

I turn and see Katniss standing next to me. My hand shoots up to my hair trying to fix it up.

Of all the places to run into the prettiest girl I've ever seen, it had to be in a Circuit City. Dad has disappeared to the VCR section while I search for a new computer for school. Rye took the one we owned to his dorm in UCLA.

I smile nervously at her. "Hey! How are you?"

"I'm good," she replies easily. Katniss is in a long sleeve red cropped sweater and baggy pants, a black belt holding it the pants against her hips. Because of the cropping, I can see a small section of her smooth, flat stomach. Her hair is down, falling in dark waves to the middle of her back. "How about you? Are you enjoying your school break?"

_Don't stare too long. Be cool._

"I'm good. Just getting ready for that last year of high school," I reply and then turn back to the computer I was looking at. "So why don't I want this computer?"

She moves next to me. A scent of melon and cucumber fills my nose. I know this scent. My mother wore this same scent. Usually, I'm filled with sadness when I smell 'Tranquil Breezes'. Smelling it on Katniss fills me with longing and excitement at her nearness.

"You see this?" Katniss points to the specification list which is next to the price. "This computer doesn't even have a Pentium chip."

"Why does it need one?" I ask.

"Because the Pentium chip will give your computer more processing power which in turn will make your computer faster," she explains. "I think your best bet is something more like this." She takes my hand and leads me to another computer. "An HP. Do you have any questions?"

I look at her in awe and grin. "You know your way around a computer."

"My dad works in Silicon Valley," she replies. "He's around here somewhere with my little sister, Prim."

"Where's your mom?" I ask and her face falls into a frown.

"She didn't want to come so it's just us three today."

"That's too bad." I feel horrible for making her upset. "Are you going to the orientation?"

"We have to go," Katniss replies and I can feel my face burn.

I'm such a spazz. "Oh yeah."

"Do you want to sit with me?" she asks suddenly. "Everyone else will be there too."

"Yeah, definitely."

Katniss smiles again and I lose myself in the deep grey of her eyes. She doesn't seem to mind since she is staring back.

"Who's this?" I turn to find my dad with an amused expression on his face. How long has he been standing there?

Katniss steps forward and holds out her hand. "I'm Katniss Everdeen, Mr. Mellark. A classmate of Peeta's."

"Katniss, it is a pleasure to meet you. I'm Tom Mellark, Peeta's father." They shake hands.

"It's nice to meet you." She looks around. "I better go look for my Dad and Prim." Katniss gives me a smile. "I'll see you on Monday. Meet us in front of the auditorium, okay?"

"Sure, I'll see you then," I say.

"It was nice meeting you, Katniss," my dad adds.

She gives us a wave before turning and walking around the corner. My eyes follow her disappearing figure.

"So that's her, huh?"

"Who?"

"I've seen your portfolio," Dad says. "She's the first picture in it."

"She has a nice face…it's symmetrical."

We walk out into the parking lot and Dad puts an arm around my shoulders.

"Symmetrical, huh? I hope you didn't tell her that," he remarks as we walk to our car, a Pathfinder. "Do we need to have a talk?"

"A talk about what?"

"On how to talk to girls."

"Don't worry, Dad," I assure him. "I didn't tell her that."

He turns to me. "This was easier when your Mom was alive," he tells me, his eyes sad. "Sometimes I can't believe that she's been gone for four years."

Mom's cancer had spread quickly and she was gone before we could even process the fact that she was sick. She was always so full of life so it had been a surprise to all of us.

"You're doing just fine," I tell him.

"Thanks kid," he says and unlocks the car. "Let's go to Mitchell's for ice cream. You can tell me more about Katniss and her symmetrical face."

* * *

"Please have your ID's out if you plan to leave the school during lunch. If you do not have your ID with you, you will not be admitted in or be allowed out," Principal Crane says from the podium of the stage.

"Can I see your schedule?" Katniss whispers into my ear. Her warm breath against my ear causes my body to react. This is the worst place for this. I take a deep breath as I hand her my schedule.

"We have the same English class," she replies with a smile.

Her hair is in a braid today. The dress that she wears is navy with a floral print along with a jean vest. Next to her is a sleeping Thresh who is in a bright red denim jacket and pants, a baggy white shirt breaking the red block.

She turns and pushes him awake. He starts and then turns to look at her not realizing where he is.

"Damn Katniss, you scared the shit out of me," he growls before taking his baseball cap from under his seat and covering his face. Crossing his arms, Thresh slumps back in his seat.

"You know you shouldn't wake him like that," Johanna says from behind us. She is sitting next to Gale as he toys with the criss-cross ties that keep the V of her black top together. "You know how jittery he is."

"I know but he was starting to snore!" Katniss argues back.

"What's the big deal?" I ask curiously.

Gale leans forward and then looks at Thresh who is still hiding under his baseball cap.

"Thresh and I live near the Geneva Towers over in Visitacion Valley. There was a drive-by a few days ago and it was a block from his house," he whispers.

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, so he's trippin'right now. His sister was playing over at her friend's house an hour before that happened."

"Hey!" Finnick pulls away from Annie. "People are trying to make out here." They sit a seat away from me.

"This is an auditorium not your sex lair," Johanna says. "You're all over her."

"You're one to talk."

"Hey!" Gale reaches over and grabs Finnick by the neck of the white shirt he wears. "Don't talk to her like that." They stare each other down for a moment.

"Both of you calm down," I say. I put a hand on Gale's shoulder and he loosens his grip. "Everyone chill, okay?"

Johanna sits back and crosses her arms. She looks over at Katniss with a smug smile. "We've found our peacemaker."

I look over at Katniss. "What does she mean?"

"We are a group of volatile youths," she says with a smile. "Johanna can't keep her mouth shut, Annie can't hold her drink, Gale is…moody." He glares at her. "Thresh is flashy and Finnick is—"

"Hot as hell," he interrupts and winks.

"Cocky to the point of delusional," Katniss finishes and sticks her tongue out at him. She licks her lips and then turns to me. "And you are the peacemaker."

I flush at her statement. Not to mention that Katniss Everdeen is unbelievably sexy—especially when she licks her lips. The effect she has on me is overwhelming.

"I guess that's good," I say, my mouth dry.

"Why don't we take off?" Johanna suggests as she looks between us. "I'll go first. Peeta after and then Katniss. Everyone else follow, okay?" Gale nods so do Annie and Finnick. "Someone wake Thresh." She looks at him concerned. "Gently please."

Johanna stands and adjusts the black belt of her loose jeans. They hang off of her hips and despite Gale's glare, Finnick and I watch her walk away appreciatively.

I stand next and then look over at Katniss. "Meet us soon, okay?"

She grins. "Are you afraid of Johanna?"

"A little."

Katniss reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. "I'll be there soon."

I walk to the end of the aisle and walk out of the open auditorium door. No one notices since they are too busy listening to the open club openings. I make a turn and out the front entrance where Johanna waits rolling a cigarette between her fingers. She looks up from where she sits on the stairs and gives me a friendly smile.

"Do you smoke?" she asks.

I shake my head as I sit on the opposite side. "I have to wait for Gale anyway," she replies. "He took my lighter."

"You know that smoking isn't good for you, right?"

"I heard. You like Katniss." It isn't a question.

"What are you talking about?"

"You got a boner when she whispered in your ear," she responds bluntly.

"How did you know?" I run a hand through my hair and look away.

"I didn't. You just told me. So ask her out already," Johanna urges.

"Yeah right," I respond. "She might not like me."

"Whatever." She connects her thumbs to make a 'W' with her hands. "Katniss has shown you more affection than I've seen since well…ever."

"Really?"

"Yes really, brainless," she replies. "Katniss is the oldest teenager ever and I think that you can get her to loosen up. God knows she needs it."

"You really care about her, don't you?"

She nods seriously. "We've always taken care of one another." Johanna places the cigarette behind her ear and leans forward. "I'm going to help you out."

"How?"

We are interrupted by Katniss and the rest of the group joining us. She walks over to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I nod and then tug at her braid. "How did you all get out without being noticed?"

"They started distributing ID's so we just ducked out," she says easily.

"Don't you want to leave school during lunch hour?"

"Thresh knows the guy who takes the ID photos. We'll get ours later."

Johanna whistles to get everyone's attention. "Losers, we're going to watch a movie on Friday."

"I'm down," Thresh agrees.

"I'll go," Annie says. "My parents are going to some dinner in the Fairmont." She looks over at Finnick.

"I'll pick you up," Finnick tells her eagerly.

Johanna rolls her eyes at him and then turns to Gale for his answer.

"Sure, why not."

Then she looks over at Katniss. "You free?"

"Sure," Katniss says. "Do you need a ride Jo-Jo?"

"No, I'll find my way there," Johanna assures her and then she looks over at me with raised eyebrows. "How about you?"

This is Johanna's way of helping me. Despite my nervousness, her approval means a lot. She is Katniss' best friend, after all.

"I'll go."

* * *

"Am I late?" Katniss says as she rushes over to me.

"Nope, you're on time," I say and look at my watch. "Johanna told me that everyone should be here by seven. It's seven now."

"What are we watching anyway?"

"I think she said Dangerous Minds," I reply. When Johanna said that she was going to help me, I didn't think that it would mean that she was going make us stand nervously next to one another. "The next show starts in ten minutes."

Katniss smacked her hand to her forehead. "That conniving bitch," she mutters. Then she looks at me. "Don't you see?"

"What?"

"They've ditched us," Katniss tells me. "I should've known…"

"Did she give you any hints?"

"Other than telling me to not dress like a hobo?" She shakes her head. "None."

"You look nice, if that helps." She's wearing a long sleeve black top and a pair of Dickies, her dark hair in the braid that I've come to adore. I put my hands in my pockets. This was Johanna's plan all along and now it's up to me to follow through. "Did you want to watch the movie? With me?"

Katniss looks at me for a moment. "Like a date?"

"I like you, Katniss," I say before I can stop myself. "I've liked you from the moment I saw you in Miss Trinket's class and the more I get to know you the more I like you."

She laughs and takes my hand. "Well I'm glad we got that established before we started our date."

"So we're on a date?" I grin at her red cheeks.

"Yes but you have to let me get the popcorn," she says as we walk to the box office.

* * *

"What did you think of the movie?" Katniss asks we sit in her Camry.

We decided to finish the remainder of the candy together. I hand her back the box of M&M's so she can have the rest.

"It was okay," I say. "Any movie that has Bob Dylan and Dylan Thomas references in it is always interesting."

"Rage against the dying of the light," she says from where she sits. "What do you think that means?"

"It's about the fight I guess." I think for a moment. "Fighting against death, fighting against getting old."

"It could be about fighting your own darkness," she adds. "We all have our demons to fight against."

"Yeah."

"It is a wonder how we got into AP English this year," Katniss says as she turns on the radio. "Haymitch is a character."

"Why do you call him Haymitch?"

"He doesn't like anyone calling him, Mr. Abernathy," she tells me. "I had him for my sophomore year."

"No one says anything?"

She shakes her head. "Not really."

"Cool." We are silent for a moment. "Thanks for watching the movie with me."

"I had fun," she says as she fiddles with her braid. Then she turns to me. "Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you." I barely hear it but it doesn't stop the smile from growing on my face.

It doesn't matter how it came out. I've been waiting from the moment I saw her to hear those words. I reach for her hand and lace my fingers through hers and kiss the top of her hand. Her mouth parts slightly at the gesture but she doesn't pull away.

"I like this song," she says suddenly and turns the volume up. "What a tragedy. She has a beautiful voice."

"_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are  
Thinking of me too…"_

"I had of couple of friends in San Diego who listened to Selena," I reply. "My brother's ex-girlfriend was a big fan of hers so she was devastated when she was murdered."

Katniss looks at her watch. "I should get going. My parents will flip out if I'm not home in 30 minutes." She reaches over me and opens her glove compartment and grabs a pen with her free hand. She turns my forearm and begins to write. "My phone number. Maybe next time we can have a date that we weren't conned into."

She looks up and grins at me. Without another though, I kiss her quickly.

And it's horrible.

I actually think I kissed her teeth.

"I should go." I open the door and push myself out before I say something stupid. I rush to my car which is a lot away from hers. "FUCK!"

I can't believe I did that.

Resting my head against the window of my dad's car, I reach into my pocket for the keys.

"PEETA!" I turn to see Katniss rushing towards me.

She's come back to wipe her number off my arm.

"Hey." Katniss slows down in front of me, her face expressionless. "I'm really sor—"

"-can I have our tickets?"

I fumble for the tickets in my pocket. Finally getting them out, I hold the tickets out to her.

Her hand covers mine to take the tickets and a surge of electricity runs between us. I clasp her hand so I can pull her to me.

As our bodies slam into one another, she looks up expectantly. Our faces are only inches apart so I close the gap between us and kiss her. Our lips seem to find their own way. It's like we've kissed one another a million times. Katniss pushes herself against me and I stop myself from falling over by resting my back against the car.

When she parts her mouth slightly, I gently stroke her tongue with my own. Katniss groans into my mouth and I hold her tighter.

Then my beeper goes off.

We pull our lips apart but I keep her close to me. Katniss rests her against my chest. Taking the beeper out of its clip on my belt, I look at the number. It's my dad.

Our eyes meet and Katniss grins at me, her arms wrapped around my waist. "Now that was a kiss."

* * *

Some notes:

Circuit City was an electronic retailer that was opened from 1949 and eventually closed in 2009. Their name was eventually bought by Systemax and now Circuit City is only available online.

Katniss mentions that her dad works in Silicon Valley. He has also been working a lot for a good reason. Windows 95 came out on August 24, 1995.

'Tranquil Breezes' refers to a Victorian's Secret scent that was popular in 1995. I used to use it but eventually it was taken out of their fragrance line. I checked on Ebay and used bottle of it is going for almost fifty dollars.

Mitchell's is a popular ice cream parlor here in San Francisco known for their tropical flavors especially Mango and Ube.

I mentioned this in Two Wrongs but Visitacion Valley is a district in San Francisco. The Geneva Towers which were two apartment complexes that were known for the high gang activity around its vicinity.

'Dangerous Minds' starring Michelle Pfeiffer was a movie based on the autobiography 'My Posse Don't Do Homework' by LouAnne Johnson, a former Marine turned teacher. The movie was released on August 11, 1995 in the U.S.

'Rage against the dying of the light' refers to the poem 'Do not go gentle into that good night' by Dylan Thomas.

"Dreaming of You" is sung by Selena Quintanilla-Perez, a Tejano-American singer who was murdered on March 31, 1995 by her former fan club president. She was working on her crossover album and this single was one of the songs released from it. It was also the name of the album.

Next: The reunion continues and Gale finally shows up—all from Johanna's POV.

Thanks for reading!

-JLaLa


	5. Chapter 5

A little perspective from Johanna.

The characters of The Hunger Games do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for making my words lovely and beautiful like her.

_Don't let the days go by  
Could have been easier on you  
I couldn't change though I wanted to  
Should have been easier by three  
Our old friend fear and you and me…_

_ -Bush "Glycerine" (1995)_

Again

Chapter Five: 2012

"How long do you think they'll be out there?" my goddaughter asks as we look down at the couple arguing outside in the driveway. We are a floor up in the bedroom that we were 'assigned' to by Annie.

What a neurotic freak Annie is.

After Peeta stopped making googly eyes at Katniss, reality had set in when he realized that she had kept his daughter away from him for sixteen years.

Needless to say, he was pissed.

"You just don't keep a child away from their father, Katniss!" Peeta yells. My best friend can't respond because she knows it's true. She stands helplessly as Peeta paces back and forth.

"You guys shouldn't be eavesdropping on them." I turn to see Thresh at the doorway. He walks over and squeezes in next to us.

"Will you shut up?" I tell him. "Adina has a right to hear."

"I'm sorry. I was young and stupid and scared," Katniss tells him. "You were settling down in New York and having the time of your life when I found out I was pregnant. What was I going to do? Call you back? Make you marry me?"

"I would've come back," Peeta argues. "You did this all the time, Katniss! You think you can just keep things to yourself and not think of how it affects other people?"

Katniss doesn't reply and I grimace to myself. Angry Katniss is better than silent Katniss. Instead, we listen as Peeta continues to get angry.

"Why doesn't Mom say anything?" Adina asks softly. "She would usually defend herself."

"Maybe your Mama doesn't want to fight back. I think deep down, she feels like she deserves to be punished," Thresh says to her. We never hide anything from Adina; she is too smart and would figure it out anyway. "Come here, baby girl." He pulls her into his arms. His eyes meet mine and he holds out his free arm. The other one is holding our goddaughter.

I walk over and let him hug me. If Thresh wasn't taken, I would gladly take him as my own.

I would need a penis to appeal to him, though.

"SELFISH! You're so selfish, Katniss!"

Adina pulls away quickly, her eyes burning angrily. "He is NOT talking to my Mom like that." She marches out the door.

Thresh and I look at one another before rushing out to follow her.

"That little girl has too much fire," Thresh remarks as we rush down the stairs.

"Just like her Mom," I reply as we run through the open door.

Adina is walking quickly over to her parents. She stops in front of Peeta.

"Don't talk to my Mom like that!" she yells. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm your father!"

"You may have been there for the sex, but that doesn't make you my Dad in any other sense of the word," Adina responds vehemently. "If you had come back, everything you've done would have never happened! I was proud when Mom showed me your photos. I felt like I could see you through those pictures and I wasn't sad that you were gone. I wasn't upset because you were showing me your world through your camera." Adina's face sinks. "The man who is yelling at my mother is a stranger."

"I don't want to be," Peeta says softly.

"I don't want you to be, either," Adina tells him. "Yelling at Mom isn't going help your case, though."

Katniss is looking down at the ground. She hasn't said a word this whole time.

I walk over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. "Katniss."

No response, her head is still down.

"Katniss, look at me." I shake her. "Look at me!"

She finally snaps out of it and meets my eyes. Katniss looks lost, just like she did right after she had Adina. When we found out about her mother.

"Sweetie, let's get you upstairs." Thresh goes to her. He looks at me and nods. We know the drill. "Adina, it's getting cold out here. You'd better get inside, too."

"But—"

"Do as you're told, Adina," I tell her firmly and give her a look that she knows means business. "Say goodnight to your father."

She turns to Peeta. "Good night, Peeta." With that, she follows Thresh and Katniss back into the house.

I turn Peeta and give him a smile. "Hey, new boy."

He smiles wryly at me. "That hurt."

"The nickname? I thought you were used to it!" We walk over to the front porch and sit.

"Not that. She called me 'Peeta,'" he says. "She's right. I'm not her Dad. I'm a stranger."

"That wasn't your fault," I tell him. "It wasn't Katniss', either. There were other circumstances that kept her from telling you. They may not have been smart reasons, but I had to respect them and bite my tongue."

"They've really seen my pictures?"

"Katniss still has the ones you took for her in her bedroom," I tell him. "Do you think she touches herself looking at them?"

"Johanna!" In spite of the shitty situation, he cracks a smile. His face is flaming red.

"Got you to loosen up, right?"

"You haven't changed," he says to me. "How are you a doctor?"

"I went to State with Katniss, majored in Biology and graduated," I tell him. "Took the MCAT's and got into UCSF Medical School. I did my residency there and as soon as I got my license, I signed up to be part of _Doctors Without Borders_ and have been gone ever since."

"How old was Adina when you left?"

"Twelve and wearing braces," I reply. "Missed her like crazy. Katniss, too."

"I never saw her with braces," he says sadly. "I never saw her first steps or heard her first words."

"I don't think Katniss would object to showing you pictures of Adina when she was a kid or telling you about her first steps or words. Try to get along with her. I know it doesn't seem fair, but she is just as scared as you are right now."

Peeta looks over at me. "When she found out about Adina…were you there?"

I shake my head. "No, she didn't tell me until later. I think she was alone."

He looks down for a moment and then reaches into his pocket. Peeta pulls out a box of cigarettes and holds it out to me.

"You want one?"

I shake my head. "I quit. You know, those are bad for you."

"You don't say," he replies with a half-smile. Peeta takes one out but instead of lighting up, he rolls it between his fingers. "Why did you quit?"

"Katniss wouldn't let me see Adina if I kept smoking," I tell him. She wouldn't even let me go outside and smoke because of secondhand smoke. "So I quit. I went through many packs of gum. It also helped that I became addicted to coffee while I was doing my residency."

"I should probably quit, too," he says to himself. "For Adina."

"You should. I demand it - doctor's orders."

He hands me the box. "Don't get tempted," he tells me. Peeta is so different from the boy that I knew. However, the way he looks at Katniss hasn't changed.

Obviously, he still thinks that the sun shines from her ass. I prefer him that way, though.

"I don't get tempted, not like I use to," I reply. "I'm going to put these in Finnick and Annie's room. It'll make for an interesting confrontation."

"Some things never change," he tells me. "You're always trying to rock the boat."

"For the best reasons," I say, standing up. "I'd better check on Katniss. She always needs a good, stiff drink after something like this."

"Do you think that it would be okay to talk to her tomorrow?"

"I think so, but make breakfast for her. She likes your scones," I tell him. "Get some sleep, too. You look like shit."

He laughs wryly. "Yes, Doctor."

"Goodnight, Peeta."

* * *

I reach the top of the stairs and find Thresh standing in front of Katniss' door with his arms crossed. What a bodyguard.

"How is she?" I ask.

The door opens and Adina comes out. "I thought I heard you, Auntie Jo-Jo. Is Peeta okay?"

"I think he's a little butt hurt by you," I tell her. "He really wants to get to know you, honey."

"I know and I want to know him," she replies. "He's my father, but Mom—"

"Your mother wants you to be happy, no matter what," I tell her.

"I know."

"Go to bed, baby girl," Thresh says to her. "You look knackered."

"Okay," she agrees and hugs him. "Good night, Uncle Thresh." Next, she hugs me. "Night, Auntie Jo-Jo."

"Night, babe." She goes to her room, which is next to Katniss'.

"How is our little woman?" I ask Thresh once Adina has closed her door.

"She's out of it," he tells me. "A lot of it is sixteen years' worth of repressed guilt."

"Katniss has felt guilt for a while," I say defensively. "You just weren't there to see it."

"I'm sorry," Thresh says. "I wasn't there, but I did call her. All this time and I never heard her talk about any of this."

"Yeah, you can't push her buttons like I can." I grin at him. "Go to bed, I'll stay with Mama Everdeen. Call old what's-his-face and tell him I said hi."

"I will." He kisses my cheek. "Night, sweets."

I wait until he is in his room before opening the door. I find Katniss laying on the bed, curled up and still in her dress. She meets my eyes when I close the door.

"You really know how to get the party going, Katniss."

She smiles, though I can see her eyes full of tears. "I thought you and Gale were the more dramatic couple."

"All the awards to you and Peeta," I tell her.

I go to her overnight bag and pull out her nightgown. We're all stuck here for the weekend, so I might as well make sure that she's comfortable.

"Get up," I say. "Let's get you changed into something a little more comfortable." She automatically stands up and walks over to me.

"I can take care of myself," she says stiffly.

"I'm sure you can, but let me help you for now." I unzip her dress and she slips it off her shoulders. Having a baby has had no effect on Katniss' body; she is still slim and smooth, though a little more filled out from when we were teenagers.

The one difference is the scar. Her C-section scar has faded; but on an otherwise unblemished body, it stands out.

"It looks hideous, doesn't it?" she says to me.

"No, it's healed nicely." I help her slip the nightgown on.

Pulling back the blanket for her, I watch her crawl in. I lay on the opposite side and our eyes meet. She looks so sad.

"He looked good," she finally says.

"He did. A little twitchy, but still our handsome GAP boy," I reply. "He smokes now."

"I'm not surprised, after everything that happened to him." In the dark, her eyes shine. "I've missed him. After all these years, he still smells the same and when he touched my wrist, I still felt the tingles," she grins to herself.

"The tingles?" I repeat skeptically. "You've got it bad, girl," I giggle. "Even after all this time."

"He hates me."

"Peeta wouldn't hate you if you threw him in a burlap sack and beat him with a wine bottle," I say. "The way he talks about you…it's like we're still in high school."

"But we're not," she whispers. "We have Adina."

"And you wouldn't trade her for anything in the world."

"Exactly," she responds. "Will you stay? Until I fall asleep?"

"Of course." I smooth down her hair. "Close your eyes."

She nods, but doesn't close her eyes. "I think I still love him, but I hate him, too."

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid that he'll take her away from me," she replies. "I know it's silly, but maybe Adina will realize that I did her wrong, too."

"You are paranoid," I tell her. "That girl loves you like crazy. Did you see how she defended you? Peeta didn't know what hit him. And as for Peeta, take your time with him. You'll see that the boy you knew is very different from the man he's become."

"True." She yawns and smiles softly. "It's the eyes. He still looks at me the same way… like I'm the only person in the room."

I don't respond. Instead, I run my hands through her hair until she falls asleep.

Lovefools, the whole lot of them.

* * *

I sit outside on the front porch of the house. Annie and Finnick have just said goodbye to all of the guests. After making sure that Katniss and Peeta were fine, they crawled to their room to pass out. Thresh is probably talking to his man-friend, the one he was too chicken shit to bring with him.

Nights like this make me lonely; warm and there's no breeze. It even smells like heat.

Nights like this make me think of sleeping in his arms and watching beads of sweat roll down his temple. Even when relaxed, Gale always seemed to sweat. He always held me when we slept, even when it was hot.

I was protected from anything and anyone when I was in his arms. I was loved.

Eventually, I learned that even love couldn't stop Gale from seeing all of the bad in me.

Love is too complicated, too hard for someone like me who has to keep their emotions in a cage like I do. You can't cry when you're the only doctor in a small village and the baby you've just delivered is so malnourished that it will probably die.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the pack of cigarettes. So tempting.

In my head, I can hear Katniss nagging me. She nearly killed me when she made me quit, but she used my goddaughter against me. That tiny little baby caused me to care about myself when I didn't want to anymore.

Taking one out, I roll it between my fingers. Just one, I really need it.

Katniss will kill me.

It's not like she's my mother or anything, though. My mother, on the other hand, wouldn't give a shit. She never has. Truthfully speaking, Katniss has been more of a mother to me than anyone.

While I'm contemplating this, I don't notice the figure heading in my direction. It isn't until I hear the heavy footsteps on the wooden front porch that I realize I'm no longer alone.

I tuck the cigarette behind my ear. "Who's there?" I call out.

The stranger approaches and my heart leaps into my throat.

It's him. Gale has arrived.

Like a knight in shining armor, he is carrying his sleeping wife. The beautiful, blonde, and always sweet Madge Undersee. He doesn't recognize me at first. My hair is longer and in the same shade, unlike my teenage days.

As he gets closer, I can see the slight limp in his step. The limp that got him discharged from the Army.

His eyes suddenly close in on my face. "Johanna?"

"In the flesh. It's good to see you, Soldier Hawthorne." I go to the front door and open it. He follows in slowly so he doesn't wake Madge.

I stand in the doorway and let him go into the entryway. He turns to me and I lean against the doorway. His grey eyes look me over while my own examine the man that was once my rock.

His hair is cut shorter and his face is sharper, but the eyes are still the kind grey that I remember. He is much more muscular, with a soldier's body. My, how he's grown.

"You've missed a hell of a party," I say. "Katniss and Peeta are already fighting, Finnick and Annie are passed out drunk, and Thresh is hiding in his room."

"What reason would Katniss and Peeta have for fighting?"

"Their daughter," I say simply.

"They have a daughter?"

I nod. His confusion is still adorable. "Welcome to the madness, Hawthorne."

Gale smiles at me. "You haven't changed."

"I couldn't change even if I wanted to."

His smile grows wider and I can see the boy I once knew emerge from it.

My heart skips a beat. _Fuck._

I'm definitely smoking this cigarette now.

* * *

Not much to say for this chapter, but it is my favorite. I love my Jo-Jo.

Hope you enjoyed it, too!

Reviews or feedback are always welcome.

Next: Johanna-1995, what is happening with her and Gale?


	6. Chapter 6

Some teenage Johanna for you.

The characters of the Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie, my lovely beta, for looking out.

_What it all comes down to  
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright  
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket  
And the other one is flicking a cigarette…_

_ -Alanis Morissette "Hand in My Pocket" (1995)_

**Trigger Warning: Mentions of Sexual Abuse**

Again

Chapter Six: 1995

_**Monday, September 18, 1995**_

"You've been staying late." I look up to see Haymitch, our AP English teacher, standing at the doorway. "Don't you have a home to go to?"

"I have a home," I reply as I toss my books in my bag. "Do I want to go home?" I give him a smile and shake my head.

"You okay, Johanna?" He sits on top of his desk and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a flask. "You've been hanging out at school more than a normal teenage girl should. I know tutoring kids is a fun job for a little smartass like yourself, but your last kid left thirty minutes ago."

I avoid his suspicious eyes and sit on the table of the desk in front of him. "What are you drinking?"

"Rum."

"Can I have some?"

"No." He walks behind his desk and reaches into one of his drawers. "Catch." He tosses something in my direction.

I catch it quickly. "A Capri-Sun? I thought I was your favorite student!"

"You are. I wouldn't bother giving anyone else one," he says and then looks at me seriously. "Really though, are you okay?" Behind his slightly buzzed eyes, I see real concern. He shouldn't bother, though.

"Of course. My grades are superb. I eat just fine and get a good amount of sleep. Why would anything be wrong?" I place the strap of my bag onto my shoulder. I don't like questions like this. Does he really think that I'm going to just spill my life story to him?

"You just seem to linger here a bit too much."

"There are a lot of loud people in my building," I reply. "I get my homework done here. No big deal."

"If you need to talk—"

"I will come to you, my dear Haymitch," I say. "I'm going home, and so should you. I don't want to have to tell the principal that his favorite teacher is drinking on the job."

I grin and wink at him.

"You wouldn't."

"You're probably right," I say as I walk out the door. "Goodnight, Haymitch."

* * *

I know how I look.

Men look at me and sometimes I don't mind. At least they're looking. I'm seventeen and at the prime of my youth. My tits are still perky and my ass doesn't droop. I can wear a mini-skirt or tight leather pants and look good. I might as well enjoy it, because I know it won't last forever.

However, days like today make me unhappy with the attention.

Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I ignore the group of whistling Latinos who are passing me as they walk down the stairs. I'm exhausted after finishing the rough draft to an essay that is due for Haymitch's class. I'm still not sure about my view because there's not much new that you can state about 'Pride and Prejudice'.

Taking my keys, I unlock the door and walk in.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I had a good day, too, Mom. How are you?"

Once upon a time, my Mom had been a beauty queen. She came to California because she thought she was going to make it big. Instead, she ended up with a baby.

I can tell Mom just got off work because she's still in her uniform. She's a cocktail waitress at Trad'r Sam's, which is in the Richmond. She walks over to me and I can tell she's had a few too many. The more she has, the easier it will be for her to pass out, though.

"Don't mess with me, Johanna. I've had a long day. Where have you been?"

"I was at school. I'm a tutor, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." She sits down on the couch. "Say hi to Joe."

I look over towards the kitchen and wave at the dark-haired man who stands in the doorway.

"Hey, Joe." Mom's loser boyfriend is staying over. _Great, just great._

"Did you eat?" my Mom asks, false concern in her voice.

She's trying to act like she cares. I hate when she does this.

"I had a steak," I reply as I walk down the hallway to my room.

"Johanna!" she calls out. "Get back here!"

I've already closed my door.

* * *

It's after midnight when it happens.

The building has quieted down. The Chins, who live below us, have finally gotten their twin boys settled down and the group of guys who were fixing their low rider outside have finally driven off.

I get up when I hear the twisting of the doorknob, though I know my door is locked. This time I made sure to lock the door right away. The last time I didn't, I paid for it.

Nights like this—I hate being me.

I lay my back against the door, putting my weight against it. Joe is too drunk to notice that he can't get in.

_THUMP. _The vibration of the door shakes me to the core.

He is trying to shove himself in. I push my heel to the floor so I can put more of my weight on the door.

_THUMP._

No one would believe me if I told them. Everyone in school thinks I'm a slut with the exception of my friends, though sometimes I think Finnick has his doubts about me. Maybe people would think that I wanted it.

They would think that I want Joe's hands roaming all over me. Maybe they also think I deserve to have a pillow put over my face when he—

I don't even realize that I'm crying until I see the drops hit the floor.

He should have smothered me, or killed me for that matter. Anything is better than this.

* * *

I decide to go to Thresh's, since his parents will usually let me crash on the couch. I'm careful as I pull down the emergency ladder that's at my window. As I step down, I look to see how far down I have to go and for a moment, I contemplate just letting go.

Then I think of Katniss, who would be devastated. She's always taken care of me and knowing her, she would blame herself.

Instead, I step down until I am on the sidewalk. I walk out of the alley where our building is and make my way towards Mission Street.

I'm in loose jeans and a hooded sweater, so no one gives me a second glance as I wait for the 14 MUNI to come. I've been doing this for three months now. Thresh doesn't ask questions, but I know he's getting suspicious. When he does, I just mention that I know how he got our ID's without any problems. That cute little Latin boy who gave them to us couldn't stop making eyes at my friend, so fucking obvious.

On the 14, I curl up in the back of the bus. I let the tears fall now and cover the sobs with my hand. That asshole! He took the one thing that kept me feeling worthwhile. I know a lot of people think I'm a skank, but I had one thing that made that a lie and he took it from me.

"Johanna?"

I look up to see Gale in front of me. Of all people, why him?

Wiping my eyes, I give him a half-smile. "What are you doing up so late?"

"My mom works in Triage at General and she forgot her lunch. She's working a double shift, so I brought it to her." He sits next to me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm great," I say. "I do this all the time."

"Ride the bus or cry?"

"Both."

"You're one of the strongest women I know," he says to me. "What could possibly make you cry?"

"You wouldn't understand."

He nods and puts an arm around me. "Where you heading?"

"To Thresh's. His parents will let me sleep on the couch."

The bus brakes on Geneva Avenue. "This is my stop." I get up before he can ask any more questions. Standing at the back door, I'm surprised to find him behind me. "What are you doing?"

"This is my stop, too," he replies and gives me an amused smile. "I live near Thresh, remember? I'll walk you over."

I nod as I step off the bus. Gale takes my hand, intertwining his fingers as he does and we walk down Geneva towards Bayshore. No one bothers us, and I'm not surprised. Gale is intimidating when he wants to be. When it begins to rain, I pull my hood up.

"Did you want my jacket?" he asks.

"No, I'm fine," I reply as we turn onto a side street. "Don't get sick on my account."

He stops suddenly and turns to me. "Why don't you stay at my place?"

I knew this was coming; kindness comes with a price sometimes. We've played this little game with one another for months now. We flirt, but nothing ever comes to fruition. He's too shy and I'm too coy. He's finally ready to get what he needs.

I have to admit that it hurts a little.

"Sure." I follow him up the stairs of his home and he unlocks the metal gate. Every house on this block has one.

Inside the house, it looks completely different. It's warm and cozy. Pictures of Gale and his siblings are on the mantle and along the walls. A handmade blanket sits is on the sofa and coloring books are scattered on the coffee table along with some Marvel comic books.

"Sorry about the mess," Gale says sheepishly.

I look over at him and smile. "No, I like it. It looks like a family lives here." A yawn escapes my mouth. "Sorry."

"No, no. We should get to bed—I mean, you should go to bed!" He looks down. "Sorry."

I laugh in spite of the situation. "Where's your room?"

Gale leads me down the long hallway and I see pictures of his family in various stages of growth. Gale looks so much like his Dad, it's scary. No one really talks about him. I think Katniss mentioned that he died in some sort of accident while Gale's mom was pregnant with his little sister.

His room is the one at the end of the hallway. When I walk in, I see a Nirvana poster on the wall above his desk. A large boombox stereo sits on top of his dresser.

"Tyra Banks?" I look at the picture of the pretty model that is taped above his bed. "I didn't think she was your type."

"I like brunettes," he replies as he looks at me.

"I thought you'd be into blondes. You don't get off to this poster, do you?" I ask. "It's going to make sleeping in this bed very awkward."

"Of course not!"

I look over at him. "You don't have to lie." I grasp the bottom of my sweatshirt and pull it over my head. "Guys have these posters on their walls for a reason." I unbutton and shimmy out of my jeans. "So how are we going to do this?"

"Do what?" He watches as I sit on his bed. It's freezing in his room and sitting in my underwear isn't helping.

"Isn't this why I'm here?" I ask, my voice quivering slightly. I lay back slowly, my elbows anchoring me so I can look at him. "Everyone else thinks I'm a slut anyway. Might as well, right?" I bite my lip to keep myself from sobbing. The horrible image of intruding hands flashes in my mind.

"Get up," he orders. I stand up and walk over to him. Gale turns and opens his one of his dresser drawers. He pulls out a shirt and hands it to me. "It's cold in here. You'll freeze in that." I slip the shirt on over my head and he hands me a pair of pajama pants. "I'll put your wet clothes in the dryer."

He walks out with my rain soaked clothes before I can respond.

I pull on the pajama pants and then sit back down on the bed, confused. Laying my head on his pillow, I look up at the Tyra poster. At least I know he isn't into guys. I close my eyes tiredly.

When I open my eyes again, I see him throwing a blanket on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"The floor is uncomfortable," Gale says and smiles. "Your clothes should be dry by the morning."

"Come here," I say and throw the blanket off me. "It's not fair that you have to stay on the floor."

Gale hesitates before getting up. I scoot over and he lies next to me. His bed is a twin, so it's a tight fit. He turns so he can look at me.

"How do you fit in this bed?" I ask him. Reaching forward, I push his chin length hair back. His grey eyes are square shaped and his lips are full. I can see a tiny scar on his chin.

"It's a long bed," he tells me quietly. We settle back into silence. "I didn't bring you here for sex. I just wanted you to know that."

"I'm not a skank like everyone thinks I am," I say. "I want you to know that."

"I never thought you were. You're smart and funny. You care about your friends – even the hard to care for ones."

"Like who?"

"Like me. Not a lot of people like me." I lay my head on his chest. Gale is wearing a wifebeater and I can see the silver chain shining against his tanned skin.

"Fuck all the others," I reply. Putting my index finger against the chain, I look up at him. "What's this?"

"It was my Dad's." Gale pulls out the chain and I can see a crucifix attached to it. "My mom gave it to me when I turned sixteen. For protection."

"That's nice," I say. "This is the only thing I ever got from my Dad." I hold up my dark hair. "Maybe that's why I'm always trying to change it."

"I like it," he replies in a whisper. We are quiet again as the rain beats down on the ceiling above us. "He wasn't wearing it the day he died. My mom wanted some ice cream. She was six months pregnant with Posy at the time, so he went down to a convenience store down the street and got shot after he gave the two robbers his wallet. I always thought that if maybe he'd worn it, he would've been okay."

"There are some things you just can't be protected from." I put a hand to his chest. "There's no fault. It just happens."

"What are you running from, Johanna?" he asks suddenly.

I hesitate before answering. "A stupid choice I made." Gale reaches for my hand. "My Mom started dating Joe about a year ago." I close my eyes. "He was okay at first, and my Mom was drinking less. I wanted her to be happy. She kept off my back." I look up at him. "One evening, Joe came over and I let him. Mom was getting off work, but she ended up getting off later than I thought. I-I didn't lock my door and I fell asleep …" I struggle to form the words. "I woke up and there was a pillow over my face—why did I leave my door unlocked?"

I don't know who is shaking more, him or me.

"Everyone thinks I'm such a skank because of the way I act and the way I dress," I continue through my tears. "And I had one thing that proved them wrong—and he took that away from me!"

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks through clenched teeth. I know he's seething. "To me? To Katniss?"

"Because it was my fault. I never should have let him into the apartment without my Mom being there and I should've locked my door—"

"Stop." I look up at him and he wipes the tear that has fallen from the corner of my eye. "You didn't do anything wrong. What's wrong is that you feel like you deserved that. You deserved to be loved and protected. You deserve to feel safe in your own home."

"I left because I don't feel safe. I don't feel like me there. Tonight, I walked down the emergency ladder and I wondered what would happen if I just let go."

"Then stay here—with me," he tells me.

"Okay." There's no other answer but this. "What about your Mom?"

"She works nights and doesn't get home until after we go to school," he tells me.

"And your brothers and sister?"

"They won't tell. I don't question where Vick gets all the dirty magazines from or why Rory keeps a picture of Katniss' sister under his pillow. Posy will enjoy another girl around," he says. "Just stay, okay?"

No one has ever wanted me to stay. My own mother doesn't care where I go or what I do. I have no idea where my father is.

All Gale wants to do is protect me and I want to let him.

"Okay." I put my head back on his chest.

"Okay." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Gale?" I whisper into the dark.

"Hmm?" He is starting to fall asleep, his arm wraps around my back to pull me closer to him.

"Can I kiss you?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't kiss me after you've told me that story or because you feel like you owe me. You should kiss me because you like me."

I don't respond and he doesn't ask me to. Eventually, I fall asleep.

* * *

"_I'm standing in your line_

_I do hope you have the time_

_I do pick a number too_

_I do keep a date with you…"_

The sound of Kurt Cobain coming from the boombox pulls me out of sleep. I open my eyes and see Gale sitting at his desk, flipping through a pamphlet. My eyes catch the title.

"'Industrial Society and its Future'" I read aloud as I sit up and look at him. "A little heavy for morning reading, isn't it?"

He puts the pamphlet down and gives me a smile. "Morning."

"Morning," I reply. "What was that?"

"My Dad always subscribed to the _New York Times_ and the pamphlet was inserted in it," he tells me. "That Unabomber guy wrote it."

"Just goes to show sometimes that intelligence can be used destructively," I say and draw my knees to my chest. "What time is it?"

"Seven." We hear a door open and shut. One of the kids is up.

"Did you bring any other clothes besides the ones you were wearing?" Gale asks.

I shake my head. "I was a little more focused on getting the hell out of there."

"I'll go grab some clothes from my Mom's room," he says and gets up. "Give me a few minutes."

I look around the cluttered room from where I'm sitting. It looks like a typical boy room. Out of curiosity, I look inside the drawer of the bedside table. There's a box of unopened condoms… so I guess he _does_ want to have sex. I also find a blunt tucked into the corner of the drawer.

The door creaks and I turn to see a little girl about five or six standing in the doorway. She looks like a mini-Katniss, the same coloring and everything. Her hair is a tangled mass and she's wearing a pair of 'Little Mermaid' pajamas. This must be Posy.

"Where's Gale?" she asks in a tiny voice.

"I think he went to your Mom's room." I notice that she's holding her finger up. "Are you okay?"

"I cut my finger," she replies and walks in.

"Can I see?" Posy walks towards me and sits next to me on the bed. I see the tiny cut and grab a tissue from the box on Gale's desk. "Hold this to your finger."

She looks up at me. "What's your name?"

"I'm Johanna."

"Are you Gale's girlfriend?" I shake my head and grin at her.

"I'm just his friend."

"I'm Posy," she replies. "Do you know how to braid hair? Can you braid my hair? Gale tries to, but sometimes it looks crooked," she says quickly and without even taking a breath.

"What are you telling Johanna?" Gale asks from the doorway.

"I have a cut on my finger; Johanna gave me a tissue and told me to hold it to the cut!" She holds out her finger excitedly.

"Let's go get a Band-Aid for that," he tells her. Posy hops off the bed to go to him and Gale looks over at me. "Catch!" He tosses a bundle of clothes and I catch them as he takes her hand. "Say bye to Johanna."

"Bye, Johanna! You're going to visit again, right?" They both wait for my answer.

I smile at her and then at him. "I'll come over again."

* * *

"So I heard you've been staying at Gale's?" Katniss lies next to me in the grass. It's lunchtime, so we decided to duck out for the hour.

"You knew that," I reply and take a puff of the cigarette balanced on my fingers. "I'm surprised you've noticed since you've been so busy with Peeta and all. So have you let him feel you up?"

"Jo-Jo!" I turned to her and I can see the blush spreading on her cheeks.

I push up on my elbow. "Are you not telling me something, Miss Everdeen?"

Katniss plays with her braid. "There was a little under the shirt touching."

"You horny kids!" I laugh and soon she joins in. I'm glad to see her so fucking happy. "I can't believe that you're getting more action than I am." I lay back on the grass after we have settled down. I take another long inhale from my smoke before turning to her again. "I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"There's a reason Gale and I haven't…" I realize that I want to protect Katniss. She acts like the oldest teenager on Earth and knowing this won't help her. I also realize that I don't want her to look at me differently. She is the only person that I care about.

I sit up and she does the same. Katniss knows that I'm going to tell her something serious.

I take a drag and then look at her. "I was raped, Katniss."

Katniss takes a moment, quickly looking down and then back up at me again.

"Shit…when? Who?" She looks confused for a moment. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"A year ago, by my Mom's boyfriend. I'm only realizing now that it's not my fault." I don't mention that it's because of Gale that I've starting to come to this conclusion. "Please don't hate me."

Katniss looks over at me and she is a breath away from crying. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I've never kept a secret from you," I say to her. "I just never wanted you to see me differently."

We hear movement behind us. Turning around, I see Gale and Peeta coming towards us.

Before I can react, Katniss jumps up and walks over to Gale. "Why didn't you say anything?! You should've kicked his ass! You should have killed him!" She is pounding her fists against his chest. "You should've told me before she had to!"

Gale calmly grabs her wrists. We knew that she would be upset. Katniss has always been my protector and vice versa. She's hurt because she wasn't the first to know and because she feels helpless. Katniss never thinks before reacting sometimes.

He pulls her to him and she cries against his chest.

"I didn't think that I should be the one to tell you," he tells her quietly. "Johanna was the one who was hurt and it's _her_ story to share with you." Gale talks to her like a father calming an upset child. "Didn't you think that I wanted to tell you? Do you know how many times I wanted to go over to her house and kill the bastard?"

I look over at Peeta and he looks as lost as I feel. I'm sure that once Katniss calms down enough to tell him, he will be part of the lynching mob outside my apartment. Several times over the last two weeks, I have convinced Gale to not come to my apartment door. Instead, he meets me at the bottom of the emergency ladder.

Two weeks have passed and my Mom hasn't even noticed that I'm not in my room most nights.

"I don't want to do anything about it," I tell her. "I'm going to move out when I turn eighteen. I have enough saved and hopefully I'll get that scholarship to State that I applied for. I'm going to be okay."

"The best thing for her is to not be at home," Gale adds. "I'll protect her. I promise."

"I'm not sure about what's going on," Peeta says and looks at me. "But we're going to be here for you. All of us. If you need anything, please ask for it. We've all got your back."

"Thank you." Peeta, our peacemaker. Every day, my opinion of him becomes better. I'm growing to like him more and more, not just as Katniss' boyfriend, but as my friend.

"The bell's going to ring," I say. "We should get back in. I have a Trig test."

Katniss rips herself from Gale and hugs me quickly before taking Peeta's hand and rushing over to the entrance. She can't stand for me to see her cry because she feels like it should be the opposite.

Yes, I know her that well.

I should be crying; I should be angry, but I'm not. I'm numb.

It's the only way I can function.

Gale walks over to me and takes my hand. "Are you okay?"

"I am for now."

* * *

"There!" I make sure that Posy's braid is okay. "Be careful if you're going to sleep in it." She nods as she clings to her Barbie. I smile at her. "Which Barbie is this?"

"Teacher Barbie," she replies and then looks at me with seriousness in her big, grey eyes. "Can you be my big sister?" I look at her sweet face. Posy is looking for a female role model, but I can't see myself being any sort of mentor for her.

"I can be your friend," I finally tell her. "You can tell me things that you don't want any of your brothers to know and I won't tell them."

"Pinkie swear?" She holds out her tiny pinkie.

"Pinkie swear." I hook my pinkie with hers.

"What's going on?" Gale asks and he walks over to her. He picks her up and she laughs loudly. "It's bedtime. Say goodnight to Johanna."

"Goodnight, Johanna!" Posy rushes out of the room and I can hear little footsteps running down the hall.

Gale closes the door behind her and turns to me.

"I've been staying for almost a month and she's never asked me why I'm sleeping in your bed," I tell him.

"I don't think she cares. You're a girl and you can braid hair."

I scoot back so he can get into the bed. Without even thinking, Gale removes his shirt. We have reached the point of comfort where nudity, partial or whole, is not even an issue. I sleep in an old football jersey of his. Lying next to me, he switches off the lamp on the bedside table and then turns to face me.

"You okay?" he asks.

Katniss calmed down after class and despite being unhappy with it, she agreed to keep her mouth shut. She did warn me that if Joe tried anything again, she would call the cops and let the boys dispose of the body. Peeta, our ever faithful peacekeeper, gave me a hug.

"I'm cool." Tonight is rainy like the first night I was here and I instinctively reach for him. Gale wraps an arm around me. "Why am I here? Why do you even like me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I see that the blonde 'Betty' in the bleachers—the cheerleader." I try not to let jealousy creep into my voice.

"Oh, Madge? She's nice and all, but I know what I want. I want you," he replies quietly into the dim room. The rain beats against the roof and the house is quiet; the children have already gone to sleep.

I lay my head on his bare chest. "I will destroy you. Not now, but eventually I will." I know myself well enough to know that I can't help but ruin those around me. That is why I try my hardest to keep people a comfortable distance from me, not physically but emotionally.

"I'm old enough to know the consequences, Johanna," Gale says. "And I like you. Hell, I think I might even love you—if you would just let me in."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"I do. A few years ago, I thought I was in love with Katniss," he tells me and laughs. "We had a lot in common, and our parents got along. Being together seemed like the natural thing to do—at least I thought so, though Katniss didn't. What I felt then is nothing compared to this."

What I feel for Gale is something akin to love, though I know I'm incapable of ever loving anyone in that way. I do feel safe with him and it's been a long time since I've felt this way.

"Gale?"

"Yes?"

"Will you kiss me?"

Gale looks into my eyes and I can feel my heart begin to pound. It's new and scary, but for the first time in a long time, I welcome the possibility of letting someone inside.

He understands what I can't seem to say.

Instead of asking me, Gale lifts my chin and closes the space between our lips.

* * *

Some notes:

Trad'r Sam's is a bar in the Richmond District which is known for their very large cocktails. It has been open since the 1970's.

I don't really mention it, but Johanna lives in the Mission District which is mostly occupied by the Latino community. There are some beautiful murals down there.

The 14 Mission Bus is a bus line that runs from Ferry Plaza in the Embarcadero to Daly City.

Geneva Avenue is a street in the Excelsior District that runs through Visitacion Valley and the Bayshore District.

The two posters in Gale's room:

Tyra Banks was only a model then, but made her film debut in "Higher Learning" which came out in January of 1995. I imagine that Gale saw her watching that movie.

The other poster is of Nirvana, a rock band headed by lead singer Kurt Cobain, who committed suicide in April of 1994.

The song that Johanna wakes up to is "About A Girl", sung by Nirvana.

On September 19, 1995, "Industrial Society and Its Future" or the "Unabomber Manifesto" was printed as a pamphlet by 'The New York Times' and the 'The Washington Post'. Theodore 'Ted' Kaczynski (aka "The Unabomber") stated that he would end his mail bombing campaign, which occurred from 1978 to 1995, if it was printed. There were three fatalities during his campaign.

Teacher Barbie was one of the popular toys of 1995.

'Betty' is slang for a good looking girl and was used in the movie, 'Clueless'.

_**Onto a more serious topic:**_

I do mention that Johanna is raped by her mom's boyfriend. Yes, she doesn't say anything.

I know a few people who were sexually abused and the number one question that I hear is 'what did they do wrong?' Of course, they didn't do anything to deserve this abuse. No one should keep quiet if they were sexually abused. However, for whatever reason, some people choose to.

Johanna is working through it – for now. It will be interesting to see what happens as she works through her emotions.

If you're a victim of rape and need someone to talk to please contact the National Hotline for rape victims: 800-656-HOPE

I hope that I didn't offend anyone.

NEXT: Thresh 2012

Thank you for reading!

-JLaLa


	7. Chapter 7

Now for some Thresh.

The characters of The Hunger Games do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for fixing my gibberish. She is the best.

_Everything is everything  
What is meant to be, will be  
After winter, must come spring  
Change, it comes eventually…_

_-Lauryn Hill "Everything is Everything" (1998)_

_**Warning: Some offensive language.**_

Again

Chapter Seven: 2012

I open my eyes after a restless night. Turning my head, I find Johanna lying next to me.

"Holy shit, Johanna! For a moment, I thought we were in high school again," I say to her. When we younger, Johanna used to come to my house and sleep over. Often, she would just stay on the couch. Sometimes when she had a nightmare, however, Johanna would sneak into my room. "What are you doing here?"

She stares up at the ceiling. "Gale finally arrived."

"Don't we enough drama already?" I ask as I check my phone for the time. It's only nine and I went to sleep around four.

"He looked so damn good," she says and then turns to me. There are dark circles under her eyes and I can smell cigarette smoke on her.

"Are you smoking again?" I ask.

"It was just one!"

"Liar."

"Okay…two. You should have seen it. He walked up on the porch carrying his wife," she tells me. "Like a freakin' knight in shining armor." Behind the anger, I can hear her pain.

"Come here." I pull her over and she lays her head on my chest. "What am I going to do with you, chica?"

"Continue to use me as your 'beard'?" she replies and then gives me a saucy wink.

"Bitch."

"In the best sense of the word," Johanna says. "How is Teddy?"

"Sweet as usual." I tighten my hold on her. "We got in a fight. He couldn't understand why I just couldn't tell everyone else."

"Why can't you?"

"No time ever seems like the right time," I tell her. "Not to mention, I have my own family to deal with."

"Oh yeah…are we still having dinner with them?"

"Yes, because right now my parents like you better than me."

We hear the doorbell ring downstairs followed by the sounds of loud, girlish talking. The sound of running can be heard coming down the hallway and the door bursts open.

My sister, Rue, and Katniss' sister, Prim, fling themselves onto the bed and begin to jump up and down.

"How old are you two?" I ask as the bed bounces. Johanna pulls away from me, amused at their antics.

"Thirty!" Rue says breathlessly.

"I'll be thirty-one in a month!" Prim adds. Johanna reaches over and pinches Prim's leg. "Ow!"

My sister bounces down to her knees and I pull her in for a hug. "I've missed you, little sister."

"Missed you, too," she says. "Mom can't wait to see you."

"And Dad?"

Her expression falters. "Dad is Dad."

"It's only nine in the morning and you already have a bunch of girls in your bed!" I look up to see Finnick at the doorway, grinning. "Get up, it's time for breakfast."

"Where's my sister and my niece?" Prim asks.

Johanna and I look at one another.

"Honey, a lot of shit went down last night," I begin. "Let's go downstairs so we can talk."

* * *

Downstairs, we find Peeta at the stove. He is flipping an omelet when we all walk in.

"Morning." He gives us a tired grin. Turning the stove off, he places the omelet on a large plate along with some other ones.

"Peeta!" Prim runs over to him and gives him a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good. A new father, but I'm—coping," he tells her.

"He's already gotten into his first fight with Adina," I tell them.

"That first one always takes you by surprise," Prim says to him. "The first time I had to punish her, I cried more than she did."

"That's because I wrote you a note saying 'Auntie Prim, you're not my friend anymore.'" Adina says as she walks in wearing a Sailor Moon t-shirt and pajama pants, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy ponytail. "I'm hungry." She looks over at Peeta. "Morning…Peeta."

"Morning," he says to her and she gives him a tiny smile. "Did you want me to make you anything?"

"What's that smell?" she asks.

"It's probably the scones." Peeta uncovers a basket of freshly baked goods.

"You make scones?" Adina asks and grabs one from the basket. She sits on a stool by the counter. He sits in the adjacent stool.

"Yeah, my Dad—your grandfather is a baker," he tells her.

I go to the cupboard and grab plates for the rest of us. Johanna, Prim and Rue sit at the picnic-style dining table. Johanna and I are quite familiar with the house since all of us used to come here often. I place the plates on the table and then grab the plate of omelets for us.

Johanna grabs a handful of forks from the drawer next to the fridge and we all settle down to eat. Actually, we're all listening to Adina and Peeta.

"So your Dad—I mean, my grandfather taught you how to do this?" Adina's mouth is full as she speaks and I see Peeta smile as he watches her.

"Yup, I can teach you if you want," he says to her and her eyes light up. My heart warms for Adina. This is what she has wanted her whole life. All those letters that I helped her write to Santa were for her Daddy to come see her. She wrote asking for this every year until she was ten and realized that he wasn't going to come through that door.

"Cool. Mom and Auntie Prim can't cook for crap," she replies.

"Watch your mouth, young lady," Prim says to her. "And by the way, that's MY shirt."

Adina looks down at it and then smiles. "Is it?"

"Don't pretend like you didn't shrink it on purpose to fit that tiny little teenage body of yours," Prim says, pointing her fork at her niece.

"Do you want it back?" Adina asks teasingly.

"No," Prim replies. "You have to convince your Mom to let me borrow that Dolce dress that's hanging in her closet."

"Deal." Adina finishes off the last of her scone. "That was so good!" Peeta's eyes light up at her compliment.

"Fancy girl, our Katniss," Johanna remarks.

"I'm betting that Delly made her buy it," I say. Peeta carefully listens to me. We've kept in touch and besides this one huge secret—we have both been open in our phone conversations. "All those work parties, she has to look the part."

"I'm going to bring some of these up to Mom," Adina announces.

"Here," Peeta goes to a cupboard and grabs a tray. "Use this." Then he grabs a teapot from another cabinet and fills it with hot water from the kettle that sits on the stove. "She still likes fruit teas, right?" Adina nods as she watches him assemble a choice of teabags on the tray.

"You're good," she tells him with a grin. "Way to get on Mom's good side." She takes the tray and walks out of the room.

"Come, sit." I pat the spot next to me on the bench. Peeta takes a scone and then joins me. "How are you? We didn't get to talk since you and Katniss had your 'discussion.'"

He looks ashamed and I pat his arm. Peeta and I have always had a good relationship. I encouraged his relationship with Katniss and though I wasn't happy when she got pregnant, I couldn't be angry at him. Katniss, in the end, had been the one to end it.

"Can you tell me about her?" he asks me. "Adina?"

"Okay, first off—I named her," I say. "It was purely accidental."

I can hear how it sounds. Dads are supposed to help with the baby naming. He gives me an encouraging smile.

"Go on."

"Adina was overdue—by a week. Johanna and I went to the Everdeens to keep her company and we turned on some music…"

"You didn't," Peeta says. "After that song?"

"'Freak Like Me' was a very popular song!" I argue.

"We were dancing to cheer her up," Johanna continues. "I did a stupid dance and Thresh sang. Next thing we knew, she started having contractions."

"Katniss thought it was a siren song." I play with my food as I talk. It's hard for me to tell Peeta about such a personal moment. A moment he should have been there for. "So she named her after the person who called her out of the womb."

Peeta looks at me. "Why? Why didn't she say anything to me? Why didn't you?" The accusation in his voice cuts like a knife.

"I don't know," I tell him honestly. "As for me, I respected Katniss' reasons. I didn't agree with them, but at the time, she needed people by her side."

"What happened to her?"

"You'll have to wait," I say firmly. "I know it's not enough, but it is what it is. We all have secrets, Peeta. It's just a matter of time before they come out."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Johanna asks as we pull into my parents' house.

I bought my folks a house close to our old home. It's in Southern Hill, which is on the border of San Francisco and Brisbane. Rue is already there since she spends most weekends with my parents.

"No," I reply as I park. "I haven't been home since he stopped talking to me."

"I was there." Johanna kisses my cheek. "For all it's worth, you look very handsome."

"How is that going to help?"

"We can go cruising for guys after," she replies. "I'll even take the loser guy out of the two."

"You're the best fake girlfriend ever. Even though I'm in a relationship, the gesture is really sweet." I press my lips to the top of her hand.

We get out of the car. Together, we walk to the front door and I ring the doorbell. My parents know that I'm gay, but it's always best to bring Johanna to soften the blow. At least then we can pretend that I'm straight as a family.

The door opens and Rue stands on the other side. She rushes over to give me a hug.

"You're here!" she says gratefully. "I thought you might have chickened out."

"Of course not. You know how much I love coming here." The sarcasm is purely because I hang out with Johanna too much.

The house is decorated elegantly on the inside. Over the fireplace in the living room is a painting size family photo. It was taken when I was sixteen and had a flattop. Rue had braces.

She leads us into the dining room where my Mom and Dad sit waiting for us.

I go to my Mom and kneel before her. She had a stroke two years ago and is still trying to get her strength back.

"Hi, Mom," I say and kiss her cheek.

"Hey baby," she greets in a strong, steady voice. Her speech is slightly slower but her mind is still strong. "You need to visit more." Her hand shakes as she reaches to touch my cheek. "I've missed you."

"I know, Mama." Standing up, I walk over to my Dad. "Hi, Dad." I hold out my hand.

He shakes it dismissively. "Hello, Thresh." He looks at his watch. "I'd better check on dinner." Turning, he quickly walks out.

I meet my sister's eyes. She shrugs.

It's going to be a long night.

* * *

"That was delicious," Johanna tells my Dad and gives him a smile.

Dinner was good. I've missed my Dad's cooking. My Mom was never much of a cook, but Dad spent a lot of his weekends trying new recipes. Turkey pot roast was our main dish today and it smelled great. But because I felt so tense, it was all mush to me.

"Thanks, Johanna," he says and Rue gets up to clear the table. Dad sits back, his hands resting on his slight belly. "How's work?"

"Busy." Johanna wipes her mouth. "Very rewarding."

"Ever thought of opening your own practice?"

"Maybe if I ever get married," she says to herself. "So probably never."

"You're so pretty," Mom says. "You'll find a nice man in no time."

"You'll just have to stop spending so much time with Thresh." Dad guffaws. "He makes you look unattached."

"Whoever wants me needs to get along with him." Johanna looks over at me. She looks concerned. I haven't said a word for a majority of the meal. "Did Thresh tell you that he is doing the marketing for the new exhibit in the Vancouver Aquarium?"

Mom turns to me. "That's great, baby!"

"It's good that the degree that you have works for something," Dad tells me.

There it is, the burn. "My job paid for this house." It comes out without a thought.

"I didn't ask you to buy us a house." He crosses his arms and glares. "We were okay where we lived. You were the one who decided that it wasn't good enough."

"It wasn't safe!" I put my napkin down. "I didn't want my little sister to be afraid to walk down the street. I didn't want Mom to get mugged like she did when we were kids."

"We handled it, Thresh." He looks over at me. "You're too good to live in the ghetto? To bring your _friend_ here?"

"Why do you always go out of your way to make every gesture from me seem bad?" I push my chair back. "I have done everything! Everything so that you would be happy with me! And nothing!"

"Thresh, please—" Johanna tries to calm me down.

I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of hoping that he'll ever accept me, that he'll love me like he used to. The horrible, sad thing that I've come to realize is that he might never love me like that. That somehow he wishes I wasn't his son.

"No, I'm tired of being ashamed." I stand up. "I wish I could be what you want. At the same time, I don't care. I don't want to sacrifice myself to make you happy. I am happy. I'm successful and I'm in love. But none of that matters to you."

Dad stares me down while Mom looks torn between who to comfort. Rue stands at the doorway, her eyes shining with sadness.

"It doesn't matter to you because all you see is your _faggot_ of a son! Right?" I take a deep breath. "You would rather that I'm some drug dealer or gang member on the fucking street than be some queer."

"Don't call yourself that!" Rue rushes over to me. She puts her hands on my shoulders. "I want you here. Mom does. Isn't that enough?"

I hug her. "You have to understand how hard it is to grow up and not feel normal. How hard it is to not know your role as a man or your role as a gay man. How hard it is to feel like your love for someone is wrong. I didn't want you to see me that way."

"So what now?" Mom asks as she cries. Tears track down her dark cheeks.

I go over to her and kneel before her. "I stay for the wedding and then I go back to my home—with Teddy."

"My boy, you belong here."

"No, I don't." I look over at Dad. His eyes are hard, unmoved by my hurt. "Not anymore."

* * *

"That went well," Johanna says as we drive back to Napa. We're currently driving down a dark road in Sonoma.

I can't talk. There is so much rage. There is so much pain.

"He wouldn't even say goodbye. I'm so tired, Jo. Tired of hiding from our friends—and from him."

"Then stop." Johanna says. "Also, pull over."

I signal and pull over to the side of the road. Johanna immediately pulls me to her. I lay my head against her chest. It's wonderful to feel like there are those who you can be weak around and they still love you. For me, that's Johanna. I feel my eyes water, and she notices immediately.

"We've been through harder times," she says to me. "Katniss' pregnancy, leaving our homes, leaving San Francisco…we always get through it."

"And I thought that Katniss and Peeta were going to be the problematic ones." I kiss her. "I love you, Jo."

"Stop being so nice to me, I'm lonely and vulnerable for affection," she says. "And I left my vibrator at Katniss' house."

"Ask Annie if you can borrow hers," I joke.

"That thing is probably pink and glittery," she says with a scrunched nose.

"I imagine it's some sort of metallic. It's probably sprayed with gold flakes."

"Are we discussing vibrators on the side of the road?" Johanna asks suddenly and then turns to me with a wide grin.

"Yeah." I grin back.

Our laughter rings out into the car. Starting the engine, I pull back onto the road in a much lighter mood.

* * *

"Hello?"

His voice is calming and I feel my insides grow warm just hearing him. "Hey, babe."

"How was dinner?" Teddy asks me, concern in his voice. Even though we had an argument the night before, he's worried about me. It's why we argued. He was worried that the dinner would go completely bad.

He was right.

"He let me in the house, right?" I say, trying to keep my tone light.

"Thresh, we knew that this was a possibility," he tells me. "Your father is stubborn, right? Like a certain person that I know."

I smile to myself. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"Will you come to the wedding?" I ask suddenly.

"I thought we had this discussion," Teddy says. "There was too much drama going on for you to announce that you're gay."

"It doesn't matter. There will always be drama. I love you and it's nothing to hide." I take a deep breath. "I want everyone to meet you. I want my friends to meet the most important man in my life—my husband."

* * *

Family drama, it's never fun. We don't see a lot of Katniss in this chapter, but she'll be back eventually. I wanted this to be all about Thresh.

Note: Same sex marriage was made legal in Canada on July 20, 2005.

Sailor Moon is Japanese anime that was playing in the US at the time. I was a tad obsessed with it.

The 'siren' song that Thresh refers to is 'Freak Like Me' sung by Adina Howard.

Southern Hill is a San Francisco neighborhood in the hills above Visitacion Valley and Bayshore.

Happy Thanksgiving…and Black Friday everyone!

Next: Thresh '95 and the O.J. Trial


	8. Chapter 8

Dear readers, it's time for '95 Thresh.

The characters of the Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you once again to my darling beta, Chelzie!

_I wish I could take the pain away  
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day  
Everything will be alright if ya hold on  
It's a struggle every day, gotta roll on…_

_-Tupac "Dear Mama" (1995)_

Again

Chapter Eight: 1995

_**Sunday, October 8, 1995**_

"_La da da dee da da da da..."_

"Be my lover, wanna be my lover…"

I sing to along to the store's music as I put back a stack of CD's. My job at The Wherehouse pays next to nothing, but I get free music so I ain't complaining.

"Are you singing along to La Bouche?" I turn to find Jay, one of my co-workers and classmates, grinning at me. His bright smile makes his tanned skin glow and my own face warms up as I realize that he's been watching me.

"Yeah," I reply as I put another CD back in its place. "I like _The Real McCoy_ better though."

"Thresh!" I turn to see Johanna and Katniss at the entrance. Johanna is jumping up and down in excitement. Girlfriend really needs to wear a bra. Her midriff top is white and though it's warm today, you can definitely see some nipple.

Katniss stands next to her, her face red. Poor girl has probably caught quite a view of Johanna's breasts. Her hair is in a side braid, which is definitely different, but the striped top and baggy jeans I've seen before. Katniss is not a fashion plate like Annie, and doesn't look like she belongs in an Aerosmith video like Johanna, but she has a quiet beauty that stands out.

"Take your break," Jay says in my ear. I jump feeling his warm breath against my skin.

"You sure, dude?"

He nods. "Johanna is going to keep jumping up and down if you don't. She's distracting people from buying anything." Two boys who are in the music singles area are staring at Johanna, one actually has his mouth hanging open.

I meet their eyes and glare. They go back to their shopping.

Looking over at Johanna and Katniss, I signal for them to go outside. I follow and see them sitting off to the side of the store.

"Hey ladies, what's up?"

Johanna jumps up and lifts Katniss' braid. "Look at what our little Katniss has!"

I move closer to Katniss and notice the purple skin on her neck. A hickey. That explains the sidebraid.

"I'm going to kill Peeta," I tell her.

"No!" Her face turns scarlet. "At least I can hide mine." She yanks her braid down from Johanna's grip.

"Katniss, you're being careful, aren't you?" I ask her.

"I am," she tells me. "We haven't done—you know—anyway."

"Good," I reply and grin at her. "Because if you can't even say it, you shouldn't be doing it." I turn to Johanna. "And you, young lady? Are you being careful?"

"Of course! Gale and I aren't having sex," she says to me, her eyes serious. "We just sleep in the same bed."

I nod. Johanna has finally admitted the details about her assault to everyone. We're all angry, but she doesn't want to deal with it yet. As much as I want to beat that fucker down, I can tell that Johanna is still trying to admit to herself that she didn't cause it. I hope I'm making the right decision in keeping quiet.

"Get her some concealer, for goodness sake!" I take out my wallet and hand Johanna a twenty. "Her parents will kill her if they see this."

Johanna takes the money and heads over to the small beauty store that is a few doors down. The strip mall that I'm working at is in Colma so I don't have to worry about her getting into any trouble.

I notice Katniss is playing with her braid. She does this when she's deep in thought.

"You okay there, shorty?" I pat the top of her head to get her attention.

"Thresh, have you ever loved someone?" Katniss asks suddenly.

I think before answering. "No, not like that anyway." She nods. "Why? Do you love Peeta?"

Katniss takes a shallow breath before answering. "I do." She grins at me. "I didn't really expect to like him this much—to even love him, but I do. It scares the hell out of me."

"Take it slow." I put an arm around her. "Though it doesn't look like you are."

"It just gets really out of hand sometimes," Katniss replies, the tips of her ears are turning red.

"Just be careful then, okay? Use protection."

"I have birth control pills."

"That was like being shot in the heart. I've known you since we were ten and now you're contemplating having sex. This is too much for a fifteen minute break."

Katniss laughs. "I'm _contemplating_, not doing. Not yet, anyway. How about you? I see the way Jay is looking at you."

"What are you talking about?"

"He likes you."

"Then lucky him. I've got enough going on."

"Come on, Thresh! We're living in a new world, a post-O.J. verdict world."

"Just because O.J. got a 'not-guilty' verdict, it doesn't change how the world works," I say to her and sigh. "Just be careful, okay? This is your first trek into the world of love. You have to keep your heart protected."

"I think that you should listen to your own advice," she says to me. "Because the way you look at Jay—it's written all over your face."

I'm taken aback. "What?"

Katniss just smiles. "I'd better go. Johanna will need to match me to cover this baby up." She kisses me on the cheek. "Have a good rest of your shift!"

She leaves me to contemplate her words for the rest of my break.

* * *

Unlocking my front door, I walk in to find Mom and Dad sitting on the couch. They're both watching the news and I heard the faint voice of the court clerk saying 'not guilty'. The verdict has been playing non-stop on every channel. Actually, it's reactions to the verdict that have been playing on television.

Last week, I came home to find most of our block celebrating.

I'm not sure what I think.

My mom turns off the television. "Hey, baby."

I sit in-between them and kiss Mom on the cheek. "What are you two watching?"

"Same old media circus," Dad tells me. "Are we watching the game later?"

"Of course!" Monday Night Football is a ritual for me and Dad.

"Let him do his homework first, Carl," Mom tells him. "I'm going to start dinner. Thresh, check on your sister. She's been too quiet in her room."

I get up, my bag hanging over my shoulder. Walking down the hallway, I knock on Rue's door before peeking inside. She is lying on her bed, headphones on and her Walkman on her stomach with her eyes closed.

"Baby, Baby, Baby, don't you know that you're so fine…" she sings to herself, her knees up as her feet thump on her mattress.

I look around her room. A new poster of Immature hangs above her bed and above her desk, a poster of Devon Sawa. An Alvin and the Chipmunks poster used to be there.

Walking over to her, I tickle her knee and she quickly opens her eyes. She looks up at me, smiles and takes her headphones off.

"Hey, big bro," she greets me.

"New posters?" I point to the new additions as I sit on her bed.

"I've had them up for a while," Rue replies. "You just didn't notice."

"Do your homework?"

"Not yet, but I will soon."

"Don't spend too much time listening to music, okay?" I tell her. "Or I'm not getting you that new Mariah Carey CD."

"You know you'd still get it for me." She's right. I spoil her rotten.

"Do your homework," I say. "I'm taking a nap, but wake me up if you need help."

She nods and I kiss her forehead. I look at the glittery words, 'As If', on her shirt. She's thirteen and wearing these trendy little tops. Where has the time gone?

Leaving her room, I walk next door to my room. In the corner, my turntable is set up and it takes up most of the space. I have a gig next Saturday for a cotillion in the Sunset District. On the opposite side are my bed and my desk.

Tiredly, I toss my bag on my chair and then lay back on my bed. I put my hands behind my head and look up at the ceiling. My counselor meeting is burning in my mind. I'm going to State and the rate for class units are crazy expensive. Dad works for MUNI as a repairman and Mom is a nurse aide. We barely make enough to afford the house.

I have two jobs and they're giving me enough money to take care of myself. I'm nowhere near my goal of paying for books or even a semester.

As I add up the cost in my head, my eyes droop and before I know it, I'm asleep.

"Son, wake up." I look up to see my Dad looking down at me.

"Oh, crap." I look at the clock on my side table. It's eleven. "I missed the game."

"It's all good," Dad replies. "Niners won. Mom wanted to make sure that you ate dinner since you slept right through it." He looks at me worriedly. "You've been working a lot. No kid should be working two jobs."

"I like my work and I'm doing fine at school." I sit up. "I have to learn to take care of myself. Become a man. Isn't that what you want?"

"Of course, Thresh." He sighs to himself. "Becoming a man is not about making money or how smart you are. It's about something else. It's a change that happens inside of you."

"How will I know when I've grown up? When I've become a man?" I lay back against my pillow.

"You will just know," Dad says as he looks into my eyes. "You'll know the moment, the hour, the minute, the second that you've become a man."

* * *

"Last week, we had a very significant event happen." Mr. Heavensbee, our history teacher, walks around the room. "Anyone want to tell me what it is?"

"The O.J. verdict," Johanna answers.

"Correct," he says as he pulls the television cart forward. "Let's take a look at it. I want you to think about something. Why was this trial such a big deal? Trials happen every day. What makes this one special?"

He turns on the television then presses play on the VCR. We listen to the court clerk read out the 'not-guilty' verdict. We can hear Kim, Ron Goldman's sister, sobbing and see Johnnie Cochran patting O.J.'s shoulder, followed by O.J. mouthing 'thank you' to the jury.

I sit at my desk staring at the screen. This is the millionth time I've heard this. I know that everyone is waiting for me to say something. I look over at my friends. Katniss and Peeta are sitting in the back, their hands entwined. Annie is doodling in her notebook. Finnick is engrossed by what he is seeing. Gale is half-asleep.

Johanna meets my eyes and gives me a smile. She can sense my indifference.

"Any remarks?" Mr. Heavensbee asks. He sits on his desk. "Why was this such a big deal?"

"Because it was in L.A.?" Finnick offers. "Where everything is supposed to be perfect?"

"Location." Mr. Heavensbee writes Finnick's answer on the board. "Anyone else?"

"O.J. is a big football star and now he's in movies." I turn to see Jay, who sits in the corner. He meets my eyes. "Goes back to the old Hollywood days when scandals ran rampant."

"Status." Heavensbee writes it on the board.

"He's rich," Annie says as she looks up from notebook.

"Money." It's written on the board. "Anything else?"

"He's a Black guy who got away with it."

Everyone turns to look over at Alex. He is our number one player on the basketball team. He meets my eyes briefly.

"Must make you happy, Thresh," he says snidely.

"Why should it matter to me?" I reply. "I didn't know the guy."

"Well, it just means that if one of you can get away with murder then so can the rest of you."

Before I know it, I'm out of my seat and grabbing his collar. The angry buzzing in my ear is growing louder. I can feel Gale's arm across my collarbone, holding me back. Johanna is talking to me, but I can't hear what she's saying. Katniss is trying to get my fingers unclasped from Alex's collar.

"Let it go." A voice says and the buzzing in my ears begins to fade. I turn to see Jay right next to me, his hazel eyes following me. "He's not worth it."

"Class!" Mr. Heavensbee is pushing passed everyone. "Everyone, sit down. Mr. Ashton, I want to see you after class." The bell rings. "Everyone GET OUT!"

Soon it is only me, Alex and the rest of the crew.

"Are you alright?" Mr. Heavensbee asks, red with anger. He looks over at Alex and then at me. "Okay, you can go. I'm sorry, Thresh."

I nod and Gale leads me out of the room.

In the hallway, I lean back against the lockers. Everyone is silent.

"I have to go." Opening my eyes, I see Jay staring at me. "Are you okay?"

I nod. He hands me a wrapped box. "Happy Birthday." I watch him walk down the hallway and turn the corner.

Happy Birthday, indeed.

* * *

"What's wrong, baby?" Mom takes my plate from me. She kisses the top of my head. "You seem a little out of it tonight. You're eighteen; you should be rejoicing."

"I'm okay, Mama," I reply and give her a smile. "Just a long day at school."

"Give the boy a break, Ann-Marie," Dad tells her from where he sits at the head of the table. "This is delicious, by the way."

She made my favorite – fried chicken and greens. I'm just not feeling it tonight. The events during my History class are weighing down in my mind. I never really felt that the trial affected me in any way. I realize now that it does. The look on Alex's face said it all. I wasn't me anymore. I was one of _them_. To him, I was one of those who got away with it.

I never really thought that the color of my skin made me any better or worse. Now, I'm not sure about anything.

"I know what will make him feel better!" Rue says excitedly and rushes to the kitchen. She walks back in carrying a large chocolate cake, with 'Happy Birthday Thresh' written in sloppy cursive using green frosting. "Mama and I made it! I even used your favorite color for the writing."

Standing up, I kiss her on the forehead. "It looks great."

The doorbell rings.

"I'll get it," Dad says as he rises from the chair.

We all wait. When he returns, I see my friends following behind him. Johanna and Gale come in first. Followed by Katniss and then Annie, who is holding a large box. Finnick and Peeta are the last to enter.

"Surprise!" Johanna says and rushes over to me. She kisses my cheek.

Katniss and Annie follow, both giving me kisses. Annie hands me the box and winks.

"Happy Birthday, bro," Gale says and hold his hand out. I slap it quickly and we give one another props.

Peeta takes a picture quickly with the camera that is against his chest. He shakes my hand.

"Open your present," Finnick says excitedly.

I place the wrapped box on the table and tear the wrapping quickly. Opening the box, I gasp, the familiar red and gold logo staring up at me.

"A Niners Starter jacket? I can't believe it!" I pull it out of the box. "This is crazy!" I hold it up so Peeta can take a photo. "Thanks, guys."

"You deserve it," Finnick says. "You work hard—and plus I get free CD's from you." Annie whacks him in the stomach.

"Let's sing now so we can cut the cake," Mom suggests. She is grinning from ear to ear.

"Did you do the writing, Rue?" Peeta asks. "You did a great job." My sister blushes at his statement. Katniss meets my eyes and I nod. My approval of him means a lot to her.

Dad lights the single candle on the cake and they all begin to sing. He slaps me on the shoulder as he sings in a booming voice.

The events of the day are forgotten as I blow out my candle and make my wish.

I wish to be a great man—like my Dad.

* * *

_"It's goin' down tonight  
Tonight it goes down  
It's goin' down tonight  
Tonight it goes down…" _

I push the dust mop as I sing along to the chorus. Over at the register, I see Jay counting the till for the day. He meets my eyes and smiles. I smile back, trying to stop my face from getting warm. Katniss' words ring out in my mind.

_Does he like me?_

Then I remember my words to her—about keeping her heart protected. It's the best thing for me to do the same, no matter how much I like his smile or the way he looks at me.

"I never said thank you," I tell him as I move the dust mop past the counter.

"For what?" he looks up from where he's counting cash.

"For the gift certificate to Tower," I say. "I can get some great records. I really need to expand my collection for my DJ gigs."

"No problem," he tells me easily. "You about ready?"

"Yeah." I put the dust mop against the counter.

Together, we turn off the lights in our section of the store. We say goodnight to the guys in the video rental section before leaving out the back.

"It's cold out," Jay says, his breath coming out in smoky puffs. "You'd better zip up."

"Oh, yeah." I zip up my Starter jacket. "Thanks."

"Hey, Thresh?" He puts his hands in his pocket.

"Yeah?"

Before I can say anything else, Jay cups my cheek and his lips are on mine. The air around us is suddenly warm and the temperature rises by the second. All I can focus is on is how soft his lips are and how he tastes sweet like a pixie-stick.

I don't realize how close we are until I realize the beating against my chest is not my own heart, but his.

"Do I even have the slimmest chance with you?" he asks as his forehead touches mine. His eyes are closed in fear of my answer.

I sigh shakily before answering. "I don't know."

* * *

Stepping off the MUNI, I begin to walk down the block towards my street. Our house is about a block down from the Cow Palace. I'm exhausted, so I walk a little quicker than usual. A car passes by and I can hear Ice Cube coming out of its stereo.

Passing a gas station, I hear someone whistle in my direction. I look quickly and see three guys about my age approaching me. My heart starts racing. I recognize one of them, as he lives on my block. These aren't good guys, though.

"Slow down, holmes," he tells me. The other two walk behind him. I try to memorize their features in my mind. The guy in front of me is wearing a red beanie and is the same chocolate shade as me. He's wearing a grill. The two guys behind him are both broad and bald. One is wearing a chain. "Where you heading?"

"Home." I try to pass him but he blocks me.

"That's a nice jacket there," he remarks. "Can I see it?"

"Naw, man, I gotta go." Before I can push past him, he pushes me.

"You think you can just get away from me? Let me see your jacket."

I shake my head.

I'm surrounded now but I don't stand down. I won't let them know I'm scared.

The first time he hits me I'm distracted and one of the guys rips the jacket off my shoulders. I yell in protest and my hands fly in front of me.

There are too many of them. I finally lose consciousness after the tenth blow.

* * *

My mouth feels dry. I open my eyes slowly and see white.

"Water," I croak as I begin to fade again.

"Thresh!" I see the concerned face of Johanna in front of me. She's been crying and I reach out to her. "You're awake. I was so scared."

Behind her is Katniss and she is grinning so hard that tears fall from her eyes. She goes to my other side.

"Hey there, stranger," she greets me. "We were getting worried."

"I couldn't let them take my jacket." It's the only answer I have.

"You fucking idiot!" Johanna bursts out. "You always let them take the jacket!" Suddenly, she is crying against my chest.

My eyes focus on Peeta who is also in front of me. He holds a cup of water and helps put the straw to my mouth. The water helps tremendously and my mouth curls into a tired smile.

"Thanks, Peeta," I say after I'm done.

"Welcome back," he replies. "Your parents went to pick up Rue from school. They'll be here in the evening."

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days," Johanna informs me.

"Holy crap."

"Thank goodness the cashier at the gas station saw the whole thing and called the cops," Katniss tells me. "If not…"

She doesn't continue and I don't want her to.

"I'm going to call Finnick and let him know that you're awake," Peeta says. He goes to Katniss and kisses her quickly. "I'll be back. I'm going to grab a bottle of water for Thresh. Do you ladies need anything?"

They both shake their heads and he leaves shortly after.

I look over at Katniss, who is smiling to herself. I place my hand over hers to get her attention.

"Open your heart to him, okay? Protecting your heart is bullshit. Life's too short."

Katniss nods seriously. "As long as you do the same."

* * *

I remain in the hospital until the end of the week. Apparently, my rib was fractured and I took a serious blow to the head. My parents are there whenever they're not at work.

Today, Rue and Katniss' little sister, Prim, take the bus all the way to General to see me. I'm helping them with their homework when _he_ comes to visit.

I look up when I hear the knock. Jay stands in the doorway, his eyes worried. I give him a smile.

"Hey. I was wondering when you were coming by."

"Sorry, I didn't get a day off until now," he says. Jay holds out a small cactus. "I thought it would be manlier than flowers."

We stare at one another in silence for a moment.

"We're going downstairs to get some Cokes," Rue says slowly, sensing the tension in the room. Sometimes I wonder if she knows.

"Okay. Be careful," I say to her. She and Prim leave quickly.

As soon as they're gone, Jay moves towards me and I pull him into my arms. I don't know whether it's getting jumped or the drugs, but I need him near me. I breathe in his cologne.

"I was worried," he tells me. "I should've walked you home."

"Then maybe it might've been you if you did," I reply. "I'm okay."

Life is weird. You never know when it's going to change. Or when you're going to change. I realize I'm not scared anymore. I want to open my heart because hiding behind fear is crap.

So as he pulls away from me, I reach to cup his face in my hands and kiss him. It feels right.

After we untangle ourselves from one another, I hear a cough and look up to see my Dad at the doorway.

His eyes are blank. "I'm going to take Rue and Prim to our house for dinner."

That's the last thing he said to me. That was also the last time he came to see me at the hospital.

I tell my friends that we're fighting about my college major. He wants me to go into law and I want to go into marketing. Most of them accept that answer. Only Johanna and Katniss see me cry when he doesn't come with my Mom to bring me home from the hospital.

To him, I'm dead. The Thresh he knew died in that beating.

I'm different now, sitting in my wheelchair as I wait for Mom with tear streaks on my face. As Johanna and Katniss hold my hands, I become stronger inside. I know myself now. I know the life I want.

I've become a man.

Nothing would be the same and like he said to me just a few days ago, I would know the moment, the hour, the minute and the second that I became a man.

But I never thought being a man would mean losing him.

* * *

Heavy chapter for me.

The actual verdict happened on October 3, 1995. This chapter takes place a week after the verdict. As far as my opinions on the verdict, I keep them to myself. I know there are others who were very passionate about this topic.

The Wherehouse was a chain of music/video stores that existed in the United States. As music distribution became more popular online, many music stores like it began to close down. The Wherehouse does have a website online that basically functions like the store did. I used to buy my singles there.

Colma is a city about 10-15 minutes from San Francisco.

Immature was an R&B group. The members were Marques "Batman" Houston, Jerome "Romeo" Jones and Kelton "LDB" Kesse. Some of their popular songs included _Never Lie, Constantly _and_ We Got It_.

Devon Sawa was a popular hottie of nineties. He was in _Casper, Little Giants_ and _Now and Then_.

"As If" was another term that came out of the movie, _Clueless_.

Starter jackets were sport jackets that came in different colors dependent on team. My cousin actually got jumped for his jacket like Thresh and was in the hospital for three days.

The Cow Palace is indoor arena/event center that is in Visitacion Valley/Daly City. It was the former home of the Golden State Warriors in the 60s (then called the San Francisco Warriors). You might recognize it if you've watched X-Factor or American Idol because it is where most San Francisco auditions for these shows take place.

Songs:

'Be My Lover' - La Bouche

'Baby' - Brandy

'Killah Kali' - Celly Cel

Next: Gale – 2012

Thanks for reading!

-JLaLa


	9. Chapter 9

Gale, my Gale…

The characters of the Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to my dear Chelzie for cleaning up my mistakes. She is awesome like that.

"_But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger? "_

_ -The Cranberries, "Linger" (1993)_

**Warning: Adult Subjects**

Again

Chapter Nine: 2012

"So you're my Uncle Gale," Adina says as we sit at the dining table. One of her knees is drawn up against her chest with her foot resting on the chair.

"I guess so," I tell her with a smile. She grins back and I can't help but marvel at how much her smile is like Peeta's. So are her eyes, though their color is strictly Katniss'. As pissed as I am at her parents, I'm amazed at how they've managed to create someone who is a spot-on combination of them.

She munches on her toast thoughtfully before speaking again.

"I've seen pictures of you when you were in high school," she teases. "You were a lot cuter back then."

"Hey!" I grin in spite of this remark. "Why were you looking at my high school photos?"

"I was curious." Adina takes a sip from her mug of orange juice. She got this from her mother, drinking from mugs instead of cups. "This was going to be the first time that I saw some of my Mom's friends and of course, my Dad. I wanted to get to know you guys before I saw you in person."

"A picture doesn't say much."

"Well, I had Mom and Auntie Jo-Jo fill in the blanks," she says.

"That's not really fair," I reply. "You're only hearing about me from another point of view."

"Okay then. I get to ask you about someone else." Adina looks at me curiously. "Tell me about my parents. What were they like when they were my age?"

I think for a moment. "Let's start with your Mom. She used to wear her hair in a long braid down her back. She always wore crop tops and baggy pants because she thought she was Aaliyah or something."  
Adina lets out a laugh, which sounds a little bit like Johanna's. "She was always fiddling around the computer lab in school and was the one who convinced me to not sign up for 'America Online'."

"Sounds like her. And my Dad?" Adina leans forward, enthralled. Would I ever have a child like her?

"He started in our high school at the end of junior year," I say and take a sip from my cup of coffee. "I didn't know him as much but I respected him—still do. He met your Mom in our English class. The way he looked at her—it looked like something from a movie."

"What do you mean?" Her eyes dance with excitement.

"You know. Eyes meeting across the room, rainbows and birds, and other mushy shit like that." I put my cup down. "I wasn't supposed to say 'shit' in front of you, was I?" I smack my hand to my forehead. "I said it again!"

Adina giggles. "I'm old enough to know what 'shit' means. Auntie Jo-Jo curses about loads of things in front of me. Keep going. How were they as a couple?"

"Your Dad was always taking pictures of your Mom. She hated it of course, but your Dad would just pull her into his arms and she would cave. They weren't perfect. They would fight a lot. Your Mom wasn't the most open person and Peeta put his heart on his sleeve. They always found their way to each other in spite of everything."

"Anything else?"

"There were no two people more in love than they were."

Her eyes are serious as she bites her lower lip. "Then what happened to them?"

"People change, sweetheart." I pat her shoulder. "It's difficult when you're young and just finding your way. I think your Mom realized that she was meant to be your mother alone. Your Dad was meant to take great photographs. As great as a photographer as he was here, he could be better in New York."

Adina nods but looks down.

"I know it's not fair to you," I continue. "Your Mom was young and scared, so maybe she didn't make the right choices. You have to think, though. What would you do in her situation?"

"Mom's right," she said quietly. "You know her more than a lot of people think."

"Our families were tight," I say. "Right before your grandmother left, that is."

She nods again. How very Katniss Everdeen of her—doing the same repetitive motion while deep in thought.

"Can you tell me about Auntie Jo-Jo? When she was a teenager? Was she really like one of those chicks in the Aerosmith videos?"

"Your Auntie Jo-Jo is beautiful, so I wouldn't doubt that you would think that. But she was more than that. She was smart and strong. She took care of me."

Until I messed up.

"Adina." I turn to see Johanna in the doorway. She must have heard everything because there is a wisp of a grin on her lips. "Your Mom is looking for you."

The teenager jumps out of her seat and gives me a quick hug. "Thanks for the chat."

Johanna walks to the table and sits next to me. She grabs my cup and takes the sip.

"You still make your coffee the same way," she remarks.

"I'm a creature of habit."

"How are you?" I watch as she holds my mug in her hand. Her hair is the dark natural brown that she was always trying to cover up. She is wearing a pair of skinny jeans and oversized sweater. She's come far from fishnet tops and leather pants.

"I'm okay." I reclaim my cup and take another sip.

"So what do you do now that you've been discharged?"

"Nothing, really."

"What a stimulating reunion conversation."

"I don't really like to talk about it." And I don't. Even with Madge, especially with her.

"Strong and silent like I remember," Johanna says softly. Our eyes meet and we both smile. "It's really nice to see you again."

My heart skips a beat looking at those eyes.

_Damn me._

* * *

"I was thinking," I say as Madge and I sit in our bed. Annie and Finnick have really nice digs. It's just like I remember it. "We should stay a little longer after the wedding is over."

Madge puts down the magazine that she's reading and gives me a smile. "Why? Feeling nostalgic?"

"We haven't been back to the Bay Area in a while," I tell her. "I want to see my family. I haven't been here in nearly sixteen years."

"What about our plans?" she asks. "Finishing up the house, trying to have a baby; we can't put these things on hold. Isn't that what we want?"

I nod, though I feel a 'no' rising out of my throat. The truth is, I don't have much fight in me left. The fire I once had has burnt out.

Madge has been through a lot with me. She's taken all of it with a smile and a comforting touch. The least I can do is not bother her with my feelings of hopelessness. The house has been my pet project since I was discharged and the baby is our project. The house is almost finished so I'm grateful for that.

The baby thing—well—we're working on it. Madge has been checked and she is fine. Her health is perfect. I can't seem to bring myself to go to a doctor. I'm afraid. What if there is something wrong with me?

And I don't think I can't be someone's father. Fathers are supposed to be strong. I can barely hold my head up some days.

My wife purses her lips as she watches me, then takes my hand.

"How about we spend a week here after the wedding? I don't think we're going to fall apart if we spend one more week here."

I don't respond.

* * *

"Uncle Gale!" Adina rushes over to me, pushing past bunches of people to get to me.

I feel self-conscious, standing awkwardly in the crowd. I'm not good with people and I'm only doing this because it's not every day that your little sister gets to perform at 'The Great American Music Hall'.

Madge decided to pass and hang out with Annie instead. Finnick and Thresh are at a night-time golf range playing with their putts, or whatever you call them.

Adina grabs my hand and pulls me towards the bar area, her gold top sparkling as she moves.

"Should you be wearing something like that?"

"She borrowed it from me." I turn to find Johanna grinning.

I laugh. "Figures. It looks like yours."

Besides her are Katniss and Peeta, who are trying not to stare at one another. I shake Peeta's hand and kiss Katniss on the cheek. Once upon a time, I thought that I was supposed to be with her. The problem is that since we spent most of our childhood together, we know one another too well. We are too much alike.

Adina goes over to her father and they go to check out the stage. Walking over to my friend, I give Katniss a smile. "How's it going?"

"She's never been so happy," she replies but I see the sadness in her eyes.

"Jealous?" I know she isn't though.

"I fucked up," Katniss says to me quietly and takes a sip from the glass she holds.

"You did what you thought was right," I assure her. "Is Peeta still mad?"

"It varies. He ranges between unconvincingly complacent and off the kilter pissed."

"And you're still in love with him."

"I don't know him anymore," she says.

"Feelings sometimes don't change," I tell her slowly. My eyes suddenly catch Johanna who has been sitting behind her the whole time. "They can grow with you."

"As I live and breathe, my big brother has finally come to see me." I turn to see Posy.

I throw my arms around her and lift her until her feet dangle off the ground. When I put her down, I get a really good look at her. She is petite and pale with dark shoulder length hair. She's in a fitted Metallica baseball tee and jeans.

"Long time, no see Posy," I greet her. "You're all grown up. Do you have a boyfriend? If you do, I'll kill him."

Johanna walks over to her and they hug. Then Johanna turns to me. "Try boyfriends. This one here likes to play the field."

Posy puts a finger on her chin. "Now tell me… who joined the Mile High Club because she was bored?"

"Don't tattle on me or I'm not letting you borrow any of my clothes for your dates anymore!" They grin at one another before laughing. I'm happy to see that they've remained close even after Johanna and I fell apart.

"So how are you, big bro?" Posy asks. "By the way, thank your wife for the pink cardigan. It's so me." She gives me an eye roll.

"She tries," I tell her.

"She wouldn't have to if she knew me more. In order for that to happen, she might want to let go of that leash and let you come see us." There's no love lost between my sister and my wife. They are complete opposites. I know that Posy wanted me to end up with Johanna. She's told me this numerous times during phone calls.

"Posy…" I give her a warning.

She holds up her hands in surrender. "Just sayin'!"

"Well, don't." I sigh and give a tired smile. "I'm sorry. We are staying a little longer if that makes you feel better." She grins.

"It does because I've missed you." Posy gives me a smile. "I'd better go. We're almost up. Stay for a drink after the show is done?"

"I'll be here." She waves at us before going backstage.

"She's going to have a drink with me. I'm officially old."

Johanna hooks her arm with mine. "We can be old together," she offers. "Let's find a place in front of the stage, okay?"

Together we walk and the warmth of her body near mine brings a familiar comfort that I haven't felt in a long time.

* * *

"You were amazing," I tell Posy as we sit at the empty bar. It's well past midnight. "I'm glad I let you have my guitar."

She turns to me and gives a half-smile. "You didn't give me that guitar; I took it when you abandoned it." Posy swishes the amber liquid. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't look happy. Everyone can't see it, but I can. I always could," Posy states bluntly.

"I'm fine, I'm perfect. I have a good life. There is nothing for me to be unhappy about," I argue.

"Just stop, Gale. You always say that you're happy, but you're not. It's in your eyes, it's in you. Ever since you left, there's been some chip on your shoulder!"

"What chip?" I ask her suddenly. I can feel my anger rising. "What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you, I just want you to be happy," she continues. "You think that it's because of Madge that you haven't come to see us in years? You missed my graduation, along with Rory's and Vick's because you were afraid to confront everything that you left behind!"

"What? WHAT DID I LEAVE BEHIND?" I scream into the empty room.

"THAT! You left that! You left all your anger and bullshit angst here in San Francisco. You left us, too! You went to Tacoma with your perfect wife and house to live some sort of half-life." Posy's eyes glitter with tears. "We were so worried when you were wounded during duty. We thought that you would come back, but instead you abandoned everything—even us."

I can't speak. My eyes burn because I know that she's right. Everything inside me seems to plummet down to my feet and I can't breathe. A million little voices speak in my head.

_You know she's right._

_You're worthless._

_You're nothing._

_You should've died. _

_You wish you were dead._

"Gale." It's Posy and I grab her wrist roughly on reflex. I see it then, the fear in her eyes; the thought that she has finally made me crack but not in a good way. She's afraid that she's pushed me over the edge.

I've been teetering on it for years.

"I have to go," I say and rush towards the exit.

"GALE! Don't leave!"

"Why shouldn't I? It's what I'm good at, right?" I reply as I push the door open and leave.

* * *

"Where are you?" Madge asks as I look out the window. She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my back. I look out at the gray sky. "It's really bad out today. I hope that it's sunny during the wedding."

"It'll be fine," I reply softly.

"You're so far away," she tells me, her voice tinged with irritation.

Madge is annoyed but she doesn't want to say so. We never fight. She doesn't like confrontation and I don't like to be pushed.

"I said I'm fine." I look at Madge and I can see that she's hurt. I kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. Maybe I need to get some air."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asks and I shake my head. Walking over to me, she zips up my jacket for me and throws her arms around my neck. "I love you."

"I'll be home in a few hours," I tell her. "I think I'll go visit my Mom."

As I drive across the Golden Gate Bridge, I see the top of the bridge covered in fog. It's really beautiful and I realize just how much I've missed being here.

Posy's words haunt me. I've been trying to leave everything and everyone behind.

I ran so far from home that I left myself behind.

Before I realize it, I find myself passing my old high school, the last place where I felt like myself. I make a turn and head up the hill towards Katniss' house. She gave me the address during Posy's gig in case I wanted to pass by.

It's a beautiful house and I can't believe that one of my best friends lives in a place like this. She worked hard for it, plus she raised a baby.

When I get out of my car, I see Thresh closing the front door, followed by a guy in a grey suit.

"Where are you going?" I ask as I approach them. The man next to him gives me a shy smile.

"I was about to head over to Napa with Teddy," Thresh says, his smile nervous. "Gale, this is Teddy—my husband."

I stop for a moment. "So you're…"

"Gay and married." Thresh finishes for me. He meets Teddy's eyes and they share a quick smile.

"Well…wow," I say and pull him in for a hug. "Congratulations."

All and all, I'm surprised but I'm happy for him. He's been through a lot. I suddenly come to understand that the reason he doesn't speak to his father is for a completely different one than I thought. I'm proud of him. Thresh has a courage that I don't.

I realize something else. Johanna has lied to me. All these years, we could've—I can't think that way.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I turn to Teddy. "Welcome to our family."

"Thanks," Teddy says. "So you're the infamous Gale."

"Infamous?"

"According to Johanna," he replies.

"Really?"

"Really." Johanna stands at the doorway, her face expressionless. "What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask if you, Katniss and Adina wanted to come with me to my Mom's."

Johanna crosses her arms. "I heard that you walked out on Posy."

I meet her hard eyes. She obviously talks to my sister more than I do.

"We're going to head up to tell everyone our good news," Thresh says awkwardly. "Don't kill each other."

Johanna nods. The couple walks down the path and to their car.

"Adina and Katniss aren't here," she says after a moment of silence. "Peeta took them out to lunch."

"You lied to me," I tell her.

"Do you want to come in?" Johanna widens the doorway for me and I enter.

The inside the house is simple but comfortable, with hardwood floors and plush furniture. A large piano stands by the window. I see a picture of Adina as a newborn sitting on top of it. She is lying on Katniss' chest. I pick it up and stare at it for a moment.

"I took that picture," Johanna says from behind me. "She looks so young, doesn't she?"

"She was young, too young," I reply.

"I didn't lie to you." I turn to look at her. She backs away from me. "I tried to explain but you wouldn't listen. In the end, it didn't matter. You were already convinced that I was a—what did you call me again? Oh yeah, 'a fucking slut'. Of all the people, I thought it would be you who didn't believe that."

I want to tell her that it is my fault. I let the words of the people around me change my mind. I'm weak—too weak to admit it to her.

"You should've tried harder to convince me!" It's a pathetic attempt to hide what she already knows. I was too much of a coward to fight for her.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Gale," she replies. Johanna moves towards me. "You stopped believing in me the moment you saw how people reacted to us together. You were too much of a fucking coward to fight for us." She looks right into my eyes. "Why didn't you have enough faith to know that I was in love with you?"

She looks down and I put my hands on her shoulders.

"Was?" The word echoes in the room.

"Yes, 'was'."

"Your eyes tell me otherwise," I tell her as I pull her closer.

"So do yours," she hisses back.

I don't realize until now that our faces are only inches away.

"What do you want?" she asks. As she speaks, her mouth barely brushes mine.

It's enough for me to see that the spark has never truly gone out. It has remained hidden, a glowing ember, deep inside me. She is the catalyst for it. It is Johanna who can bring me back to life.

Our lips find one another again and this time it is a harder kiss, an angrier kiss. We are punishing one another. We are mad at ourselves for wasting a chance at what could've been.

Taking my hand, she leads me upstairs and into her room. I'm focused solely on her. I close the door behind me and her big brown eyes watch me to approach. I reach for the bottom of her top and peel it off her. Her body remains the same—beautiful.

My mouth is on hers again as I caress the familiar curves with my hands.

Her hands find the buttons of my shirt and she rips her mouth away from mine to examine my body. She places a chaste kiss against my chest.

"You're the same, but different," she says with a soft laugh.

"I was thinking the same thing."

Quickly, we remove the rest of our clothes and find ourselves on her bed, my body over hers. As I thrust into her, I feel the completeness that I've never found with Madge. The thought is both horrible and wonderful. I feel alive in Johanna's arms.

We move perfectly in sync, her body arching as I move in her. Her eyes glow in the dark room. I have loved her all this time. I whisper it in her ear as we move.

"You're mine," I say to her as I fill her. "You've always been mine."

"Always," she repeats, her eyes following mine.

It doesn't take either of us very long to reach our peak this first time. I lay my head against her chest as we rest, listening to her heartbeat. We don't talk, we don't want to talk. Talking means acknowledging that what we've done is real. I've betrayed my wife. She has made love to a married man.

Instead, I find myself inside her again.

When we are done, I finally speak.

"When was your first time? After the rape?"

"I was twenty-five. He went to UCSF like me…and I don't even remember his name."

"I should have been your first," I tell her.

Johanna inhales sharply, drawing tears into her eyes before replying.

"I should have been your wife."

* * *

That Posy! She's a mini-Johanna, that's for sure.

I had an additional plot but felt that it wasn't really appropriate, so it was cut.

Also, I don't support infidelity but let's be realistic and acknowledge that it happens in some relationships. There was just too much pent between these two for it not to happen when I thought it through.

Note: The Great American Music Hall is venue in Downtown SF.

Next: Gale '95

Thanks for the love and support!

-JLaLa


	10. Chapter 10

Finally, right?!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_I am one of those  
Melodramatic fools  
Neurotic to the bone  
No doubt about it…_

_ -Green Day "Basket Case" (1994)_

Again

Chapter Ten: 1995

**Thursday, December 21, 1995**

I open my eyes to find Johanna staring at me. She gives me a smirk as I pull her against me.

"Morning," I manage to croak out. I kiss the side of her head. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes," she replies and rests her head against my chest. Johanna looks at me sadly. "I can't even go back to my house during my own Christmas break. This is wrong."

"I know." I sit up and she follows suit. "You know, we can always talk to the police."

Johanna frantically shakes her head. "No!" She raises her hands up. "I'm not ready! Do you want me to go? I can go to Katniss' for a few days, then Annie's and Thresh's…"

I instinctively pull her to me. I'm worried. Her moods are up and down. She is overly paranoid and worries about being a burden. I can see that as much as I love her, there are other things that I don't know how to handle—like this. She is constantly afraid of my abandonment.

"Baby, look at me." I take her face in my hands. "Stay. Stay here with me. I'm just worried about you. As much as you try to be strong, there are things that even we can't handle."

She nods. "I'm so sorry, Gale. Sometimes I just think that I'm worthless. I don't deserve to even be alive. My own mom doesn't want me." Johanna buries her face in her hands. "I'm not good enough for you, either. I'm such a skank."

"No. You're more valuable to me than you know. You understand?"

Johanna nods again and I kiss her. She responds, pulling me on top of her. I love the smell of her, slightly sweet because of the coconut oil she uses. Johanna's lips taste of —the LipSmacker that she let Posy put on her last night as she tucked my little sister into bed.

My hands reach to touch her skin, one settling on her arm and the other inching up her thigh.

"STOP," she says, suddenly panicked. I pull away and can see the tension in her eyes.

I sigh. This is the farthest that she's let me go.

Johanna sees the frustration on my face and in other places. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you," I assure her. "You have a hard time with affection because of what happened to you."

We are silent.

"Why are you so good to me?" she asks, her eyes anguished.

"Because I love you."

"You shouldn't," Johanna says. I pull her to me again. "I will hurt you. I know it."

"You're not capable of hurting anyone," I whisper. "You're a wisp of a girl." I can feel her smile against my neck. "Nothing will change the way I feel about you. I promise."

The scurry of footsteps catches our attention.

Johanna meets my eyes and groans. "Kids are awake."

Tiny knocks sound against my door. "Johanna! Are you awake?" It's Posy.

"It begins," I reply.

I get up, but not before giving her another kiss.

* * *

"Oh, cool!" Rory, my younger brother, says as he flips through the newspaper.

"What's going on?" I ask as I take a sip of coffee. Mom doesn't like me drinking it, but she's not here so I'm enjoying my caffeine fix.

"Did Michael Jackson collapse again?" Johanna stands by the stove making pancakes. Posy won't eat anything but Jo's pancakes.

"Nope." Rory grins at her. "They're going to build a new ballpark for the Giants!"

"Good," Vick says. His eyes are glued to his red Gameboy. "Candlestick sucks."

I skim over the article. "In the year 2000? So futuristic."

"That's only four years away," Johanna replies as she placed a pancake on Posy's plate. "Stop playing with your Barbie, Pose." My sister listens to her and puts the doll down on the table. She grins at me. "We're going to be graduating college, by then."

"If I even get into one," I reply wryly.

"You're going to come to a game with us, right?" Rory asks Johanna. Our eyes meet quickly and I can see that she's blushing. "When the ballpark opens?"

We've never talked about our future together. I know that she's going to SF State and I have no idea where I'll end up. Mom can't afford to send me to college and I know she needs money to help with the kids.

I see that my future will inevitably be in the workforce.

Johanna meets my eyes again before responding. "Of course, I will. I'll get the hot dogs."

I feel a strange shiver run through me. Johanna wants a future—with me.

"What's going on?" I freeze in my seat. It's Mom.

I turn to see her in the archway of the kitchen. I'm in so much fucking trouble. The kids know it, too, because they've gone silent. Vick is actually sinking into his seat.

Johanna stands next to me and she's wearing my clothes. She looks like she slept over with her mussed hair and bare face. There's no way that we can lie about that.

"Gale, what is going on?" Mom repeats, her voice hard.

"We were having breakfast," I answer simply. "This is Johanna—my girlfriend."

"Nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Hawthorne," Johanna says, her voice weak. She attempts to shake my Mom's hand, but Mom simply turns to me.

"I need to speak with you in the living room," she tells me. "_Now_."

"I'm going to get dressed and head out," Johanna says.

"You do that," Mom responds, then turns to my siblings. "All of you, go to your rooms."

"What about my pancakes?" Posy asks simply.

"Take them with you," Mom says.

Vick and Rory help her. Vick grabs her plate and Rory picks her up. Together they leave the room. Johanna gives me one last look before following my siblings to the back of the house.

Mom and I walk to the living room; I sit on the couch and wait for the lecture.

"Gale, this is my house," she starts. "I can't have you bringing any girls into the house, especially that kind of girl! What were you thinking?"

"Listen, Mom, Johanna is a great person and I love her." She raises her eyebrows doubtfully. "That's not going to change. You're not going to change my mind."

Mom's eyes soften and she sits next to me. "I understand that you feel this way now, but is _she _the kind of girl who you could marry and raise a family with? What kind of girl stays at her boyfriend's house when he has his younger brothers and an impressionable sister around?"

"I'm only eighteen." Running a hand through my hair, I meet her eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future."

"Exactly." Mom takes my hand. "I don't think that there is a future with someone like her. Mrs. Everdeen isn't crazy about her being friends with Katniss either, from what she tells me."

"Why are you taking this so seriously?"

"I have to take it seriously when it's in my home with my kids around! You have to grow up now and learn that sometimes we have to give up the things we want for a better future. You have to make the sacrifice for yourself and though you may not understand it now, you will later."

"I'm going to take off now." Johanna stands in the archway to the living room. She looks paler than usual and I know it's because she has heard everything that my Mom said.

Getting up, I walk her to the door. Johanna's eyes are blank and I kiss her quickly before opening the door. "I'll call you later."

"I'll be at Thresh's. Page him if you need me," she replies before walking down the stairs and away from the house.

Closing the door, I turn to my Mom.

"So now that she can't stay here, she's going to Thresh's house?" Mom looks me square in the eye. I feel my own face burning and the overwhelming feeling of—shame. I know what she's implying. "Think about that, sweetheart, before you give your heart to this girl."

* * *

**Tuesday, January 9, 1996**

"_Give me all the chicken heads from Pasadena to Medina  
Bet Big get in between ya  
Then pick the prognosis, doses  
Blends and Bends like Twizzlers  
Biggie's fitting to hurt  
What's under that skirt?"_

Marvel, one of our classmates, raps along with the locker room boombox as he throws his shirt back on. We just finished track practice and are changing before we leave for the day.

I'm sore, but it's a good ache.

"What do you know about chickenheads?" I turn to see Thresh and Peeta walk into the locker room.

"I know that I was with one last weekend," Marvel replies as he tosses a towel in Thresh's face.

I laugh as Thresh blanches at the dirty towel before throwing it to the floor.

"How about you, loser?" Marvel asks. "Who did you spend your weekend with?"

"Johanna," Thresh answers simply.

"There you go. Chickenhead."

"What the fuck? That's my friend!" Thresh approaches him until Marvel is backed into a locker.

"Hey, man. I'm not trying to get into your business, but maybe you're looking at her as more than just a friend," Marvel replies.

"It's not even like that," my friend tells him. Thresh looks me in the eye. He is begging me to intervene.

Instead, Peeta steps forward and moves them apart. "Everyone is waiting for us outside. You ready, Gale?"

I nod and leave Marvel to finish getting dressed. As we walk out, Thresh turns to me.

"That's not cool, man," he says. "Johanna is my girl and you disrespected her. You're supposed to be her man, right?"

"Thresh, be quiet," I respond tersely. "You don't know anything about us!"

"I know that you didn't bother to explain anything about Johanna to your mother," he says. "I know that I didn't see you defending _your_ girlfriend to that asshole."

He's right. I didn't defend her and it bugs me because I don't exactly know why.

* * *

"You're mad at me," I say as I kiss Johanna's shoulder. We sit on a wooden platform at Fort Funston. The sun is going down and the light against her bare shoulder makes it glow.

It's totally understandable. Mom kept me at home for the rest of Winter Break. I snuck in one call while she was taking Posy to her pediatrician. Since then, I've been kept on a tight leash. Mom is serious about all of this. She feels disrespected by Johanna in a way and she doesn't think that she's the kind of girl that I should be with. She's told me so repeatedly.

I can't tell Johanna this. She is hurting enough due to the fact that I haven't been able to see her.

"Yes," she says, but smiles at me. "You owe me."

"What do I owe you?" Johanna turns to me and pulls at the green flannel that I wear over my Metallica shirt. I oblige and she puts it on, wrapping the fabric around her slender body.

"I get to keep this—and you give me a kiss," she replies as she straddles me. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close.

Our lips meet eagerly. It has been too long since I've held her, much less kissed her. Kissing Johanna is like an addiction and I pull her even tighter to me, yanking off her red bandana as I do.

I feel her stiffen against me and after a moment, Johanna pulls away from me. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she looks at me—her eyes panicked.

"Too fast?" I ask her. She nods, her eyes clearing from the confused fog clouding them over. "You know that this has been happening a lot lately."

"What?" she responds as she fiddles with the buttons of the flannel.

"That. You pulling away." I put my hands on her shoulders and look at her. "I think you need to talk to someone about it."

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Johanna tells me as she moves away. "Just leave it, okay?"

"I won't leave it!" I go to her. "You're afraid of my touch—" She opens her mouth to protest. "Don't deny it. You cringe, Jo, and it hurts!"

"Don't talk to me about getting hurt, Gale! You can't even stand up to your mother. I'm only your girlfriend when it's convenient for you. When it gets hard, you hide. You're scared, Gale."

"What am I scared of?"

"Your mother. Your life. Your future. You're too scared to make any decisions! You know what's going to happen to you? You'll never make any choices that will make you happy…" Johanna stops, her eyes wet and she stares me down. "Do you love me? Do you want a future with me?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why won't you fight for us?"

I don't answer her.

It's the first time I've ever seen her really cry. Johanna buries her face in her hands and as I reach over to touch her, she moves away.

"We're through, Gale."

* * *

"Pass the blunt," Finnick tells me.

I hand it over and lay back on the porch of Annie's Napa house. Her parents let us use it during the weekends. We all started coming here every other weekend during Thanksgiving break. The only time that I didn't come along was Christmas break when Mom kept me prisoner inside our house.

We're all about to leave. Peeta is driving us all home in his Dad's Pathfinder, so Finnick and I decide to smoke up once more before getting into the car.

Katniss walks onto the porch and takes the blunt from Finnick, then throws it off the porch.

"Go away. I need to speak to Gale." Finnick doesn't hesitate to leave. She looks pissed off.

"What the hell is going on with you and Jo-Jo?" she asks me.

"Not now, Catnip. I'm still high," I tell her miserably. "She was right."

"About what?"

"She said she would hurt me." My eyes sting from the weed and the pain. "She did."

"No wonder," Katniss snorts. "You act like you're ashamed of her."

"I am."

The sound of crickets on the lawn is intensified by our silence.

"She won't even let me touch her," I say more to myself. "And my Mom won't even talk to her—she doesn't think that we have a future together. I always thought my Mom would love whoever I loved."

"So you're telling me that you won't even try to go against your Mom? Sometimes parents aren't right, you know." Her eyes are dark.

I turn to her. "You okay?"

"The fighting is getting worse," she responds and runs a hand through her hair. "Last time, Prim cried all night because of it. Thank God for Peeta, or I'd go crazy."

"Have you…knocked boots?" I ask carefully and she snorts as she punches my shoulder.

"No, if you must know." She looks out at the lawn. "But sometimes, I really, really want to."

"You see? Shouldn't you _want _to be with the person that you love?"

"That's not fair! You know what she's been through. You can't put that on her."

"I know." I play with the chain on my neck. Dad wouldn't want me to treat Johanna like this.

Dad would've loved her.

I look over at Katniss. "You're right."

"So are we dropping you off somewhere else?" she asks.

I nod and Katniss bursts into a grin. She hugs me.

"Won't Peeta be jealous if he walks in on this?" I ask as we pull away.

"No. He trusts me." I realize how different their relationship is compared to Johanna's and mine. I would've killed me if I was in Peeta's shoes.

"It's nice to see you in love, Catnip."

She smiles and puts her head on my shoulder. "Thanks."

* * *

"_You've already won me over in spite of me  
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet  
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are  
I couldn't help it  
It's all your fault…"_

I can hear Alanis Morissette as I walk up the steps to Thresh's house. It's our song.

Ringing the doorbell, I wait for Thresh to answer but instead, Johanna does—wearing a long t-shirt and nothing else. It's Thresh shirt; I've seen it on him a million times.

"Gale? What are you doing here?" she asks.

"What are you wearing?" I respond.

"Jo, who is it?" Thresh walks into the living room. He's in his boxers.

I see red.

Before she can say anything, I'm walking down the steps before I do something stupid. I hear the car door slam and Katniss calling out to us. She and Peeta were waiting in the car, along with Annie and Finnick.

"GALE! WAIT!" Johanna is rushing out of the house and she stops in front of me. Her brown eyes look at me pleadingly. "It's not what you think…"

"Leave me alone!" I push her away and keep walking.

Thresh is running over to me as Katniss hugs Johanna.

"I wouldn't do that to you," he tells me. Thresh places his hands on my shoulders. "Trust me."

I don't know who to trust anymore. The events of the past few weeks run through my mind. My Mom's lecture…Marvel in the locker room…Johanna pushing me away…Katniss telling me that Peeta trusts her…then seeing Johanna in almost nothing at Thresh's door.

"Fuck you, man!" I push him. "Don't act like you're my friend!"

Thresh pushes me back. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Johanna runs over to us and turns to _him_. "Don't, please. He doesn't understand."

Peeta and Finnick make their way over to me, trying to lead me away. I push them both away and look at Johanna, who is quietly speaking to Thresh and Katniss. Annie puts a jacket over her shoulders.

"You…you fucking slut!" It comes out as a sharp hiss. Everything and everyone stops.

Johanna turns to me, her eyes full sadness, pain, humiliation, and finally, anger.

She snaps and hits me with all her might. "FUCK YOU, GALE!" Thresh is trying to desperately pull her away. He is practically lifting her. "YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE BOY WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT!" She spits at me. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Then she is back in Thresh's arms as she sobs.

Katniss shakes her head at me before turning to comfort Johanna.

"Go home, man," Finnick urges as I seethe.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" Peeta asks.

"No, I need to be alone."

I walk the few blocks over to my house. When did it come to this? I don't realize that I'm crying until the salty tears hit my lips.

Looking around, I feel lost and detached from everything around me. I don't want to be here. Walking up the steps to my home, I unlock the door and find Mom waiting for me in the kitchen.

"Gale, what's wrong?" she asks concerned.

I can't even look at her. Because _she_ was the one who planted the seed of doubt in my mind.

Now I've lost it all.

I finally I find my voice.

"As soon as I can, I'm getting the hell out of this city and I'm _never_ coming back."

I join the Army a week later.

* * *

Seriously, this was the hardest chapter for me. I've read over it at least ten times.

So, I picked the date obviously because it was the day that the new ballpark for the Giants was announced. On March 31, 2000, Pacific Bell Park opened. It has gone through two name changes since then - Comcast Park, and now currently AT&T Park.

Candlestick Park is where they used to play and has been the current football arena for the San Francisco 49ers, though they are now moving to Santa Clara.

On December 7, 1995, Michael Jackson collapsed during rehearsal in New York for his HBO special.

The Gameboy that Vick plays is the 'Play It Loud' version, which is basically the same as the original Gameboy except that they came in different colors. The original version was released in 1985 and the 'Play It Loud' version was released in October of 1993.

The term 'chickenhead' basically means a girl who likes to give head. There is actually a song called "Chickenhead" that my husband told me about featuring Three Six Mafia.

Fort Funston is a former artillery battery and is now used to as a handgliding launch site located here in San Francisco.

"Knocking boots" refers to, well—having sex.

Songs:

"Can't You See?"- Total featuring Notorious B.I.G.

"Head Over Feet"- Alanis Morissette

Next: Annie 2012…we're almost to the climax of the story. I hope you're still out there!

-JLaLa


	11. Chapter 11

Annie, my darling girl….

The Hunger Games Trilogy does not belong to me.

_Oh, my life is changing every day,  
In every possible way.  
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,  
Never quite as it seems… _

_-The Cranberries "Dreams" (1993)_

Again

Chapter Eleven: 2012

"Get your ass out here!" Johanna commands. Sometimes I don't know why I'm still friends with her crazy self.

"I'm coming," I respond as I struggle to pull my dress up.

This is my last fitting. I've had five fittings in the last six months. I know I'm a little anal about it, but this is my wedding and everything _has_ to be perfect. I've only been waiting for this moment since I saw Finnick as more than that stupid boy who spit gum into my hair. I sported a bowl haircut in fourth grade because of him.

"My dear, do you need help?" Mom asks me from outside the dressing room.

"No! I'm fine," I reply. She is in full mother-of-the-bride mode, basking in the glow of my wedding. Mom has been like this since Finnick and I announced our engagement. I have to be grateful for her crazy party planning skills. We've had our share of arguments, though.

Like the difference between cream and white napkins—who cares? I don't.

Not to mention the fact that she wouldn't let me wear the pink Vera Wang wedding dress that I've been admiring since I saw it in InStyle Bride.

"Shit," I mutter. I do need help. I don't understand. This dress fit a month ago.

"Annie, can I come in?" It's Katniss. I breathe a sigh of relief. I can't have Mom nag me about not fitting into this dress. "I want to show you my bridesmaid dress."

"Sure, come in." Katniss opens the door and closes it quickly before my Mom can join in. She knows how I feel about all of this. "Oh, Katniss, you look lovely!"

The bridesmaid dresses are blush pink with sweetheart necklines to match mine. The ruched bodice and floor sweeping skirt fit her perfectly. The color works quite well with her olive skin. Since Johanna has more of a golden complexion, I made sure that the dress would complement both of their skin tones.

"Thanks, Annie," she replies. Katniss spots my red face. "Do you need help?"

I nod, trying to keep my tears at bay. Everything has been getting to me lately.

"I have been dieting like crazy," I say quietly and close my eyes. I have to calm down as I feel the onset of a panic attack happening, my heart racing and the feeling of impending doom.

"Annie, you can't do that," she warns. "We don't want it to go too far—like before."

"I know." Katniss struggles with the buttons and I suck it in. She meets my eyes quizzically in the mirror. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replies. "I almost got it but can you breathe?"

"Just barely," I say with a slight gasp. "This is a fucking disaster."

"It will be fine," she assures me. "All that matters is that Finnick is going to be ripping this thing off at the end of the night or doing you in it."

Katniss gives me a wicked grins and winks. "You hang out with Johanna too much," I tell her.

"I heard that, bitch!" Johanna is sitting right outside. "Get out here before I get too drunk to appreciate your bridal beauty!" Wine in a bridal shop is a bad idea, especially in her case.

"You look gorgeous, Annie," Katniss says into my ear and I look into the mirror. Thank God, it's not as bad as I think.

Together, we walk out and I step onto the pedestal to give them a good look at the dress. It is pure white with a sweetheart top and an A-line organza layered skirt. After I had stopped sulking about my pink dress, I tried this one on and fell in love with it.

"You look beautiful, sweetie," my Mom tells me. "A bit tight, but it works."

Katniss rolls her eyes at my Mom. "You look perfect."

"Your jugs are huge," Johanna adds and smiles. "That's not a bad thing."

Now that I get a good look at my top, I notice how much I've filled the cup.

"I must be getting my rag or something," I tell her. "In a week, I'll have to stuff this thing."

"You are like the only person who still calls their period their rag." Johanna chuckles. "But really, you look fucking pretty."

"Thanks."

Then I realize something.

I've missed my period.

* * *

I'm a surgeon and I've always been cautious of my health. I should've realized the signs. My aversion to alcohol for the last two months, for example. I've been drinking a lot of ginger ale instead of alcohol because the thought of it made me sick.

Usually I can drink Finnick under the table.

No one even noticed that during the engagement party, my wine glass was still full by the end of the night. Finnick hadn't. I practically dragged him to bed. He is no good with alcohol and the fact that he had to interact with a lot of my parents' friends made him nervous. My fiancé is more insecure about himself than people believe.

He has spent years trying to prove that he was good enough for me. He's been like this since-

Now I'm sitting on a toilet staring at a plus sign; a plus sign that will change our lives. Who knew that one symbol could wreak havoc?

"Babe!" Finnick is in our shared bedroom. It's the room that we've always used in the Napa house. "Are you okay in there?"

"I'll be right out," I reply and wrap the test in toilet paper before throwing it in the garbage. I wash my hands and then take a quick look in the mirror. I look the same: dark hair, green eyes and slightly tanned skin thanks to the Los Angeles sun.

I walk out and find Finnick sitting on our bed. He smiles happily at me. "Hello, my bride."

"Hello." I sit on his lap. "What did you do today?"

"I forced Peeta and Gale into tuxedos, then gave them alcohol to cheer them up," he replies. Finnick looks into my eyes for a moment. "You look pale."

"I'm just tired," I reply. "Mom was driving me crazy today. Thank God for Johanna and Katniss, otherwise I might've choked her out."

"That doesn't sound very bridal of you," he says and kisses my cheek. "Lay down with me."

I nod and Finnick moves to his side. Straightening his body, he settles on his back. I remove my Manolos and crawl over to him. Laying my head on his chest, I let him pull the hair tie off so that my hair is free and loose like he likes it.

He kisses my hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I reply and I'm surprised to feel tears lining my eyes. "I always have."

"Even when I was cruel to you?" he asks. "I will never forgive myself for that."

"I don't want to talk about it—it's over."

"I know, but I don't know how you can still love me after all of that," Finnick says. "I'm afraid you'll wake up one day and realize that I'm a horrible person."

I look up at him. "Never." I prop myself up on my elbow. "I've loved you since the first time I saw you. I've never given up on you—even during our worst times."

"I wish I was like you," he says. "You have so much faith in me."

"We can spend all our time just thinking of everything bad but in the end it gets us nowhere," I tell him. "I want to focus on what's good in my life. And that's us. We've worked to get where we are and we did it together."

"I know," Finnick replies. "I don't think I would've made it here without you."

"Same here." I lean down and kiss him. His mouth has a slight whiskey taste to it.

I feel my body react to his lips which are now traveling down my neck. I feel the heat traveling down to my abdomen. Quickly, I throw a leg over his waist so I can straddle him. His hands find themselves on my waist.

"What are you doing?" he asks with raised eyebrows. Finnick looks at me reverently. He always does when I'm on top.

I undo his belt before meeting his eyes. "Just exercising my wifely duties."

"We're not married yet."

"Please. We've been married since we saw each other."

I lean down to kiss him again but the sudden feeling of vomit rising has me jumping off him. I rush to the bathroom and don't even make it to the toilet. Instead, I throw up in the sink.

"Babe? What's wrong?" Finnick is at the doorway, his eyes laced with concern.

"I'm just stressed out… and a little dizzy." I find myself swaying and he catches me quickly.

"You're not doing _it_ again, are you?"

"No, of course not," I tell him. "I just ate something bad. Too much champagne, not enough food."

"Okay," he says as he carries me back to the room. Laying me gently on the bed, he places a blanket over me.

I'm suddenly exhausted. I can feel Finnick spoon me as I close my eyes. "Thank you for taking care of me."

"I will always take care of you, Annie. Me and you - we're forever."

* * *

"Sweetie, wake up." I open my eyes to Katniss holding a tray for me. "You need to eat."

"How long have been asleep?"

"A few hours," she replies as I sit up. Propping the tray in my lap, I look at what she has brought me: Top Ramen and crackers. "Finnick was really worried so I sent him off to get some ginger ale to distract him."

"Thanks." I open the packet of saltines. "Saltines and Ramen?"

"Saltines will help with the nausea," Katniss informs me. "I was sick constantly—when I was pregnant with Adina."

My eyes shoot up to look at her. She walks over to Finnick's side and sits next to me. "How did you know?"

"I remembered having the same problem once," she says. "I could barely zip my prom dress up."

"Oh God, you were pregnant at prom. I do remember your boobs were bigger than usual." I look over at her. "Were you scared when you found out?"

"I think I was in shock. I must have stared at that test for hours."

"I don't know how to feel." I swallow the lump in my throat. "I don't know how to be a mother. I mean, have you seen my mother? I don't want to be her!"

"Honey, my mother wasn't exactly a dream either. I promised myself I wouldn't be her. I don't think I am." Katniss takes my hand. "And Adina is a lot more sure of herself than I ever was at her age. It is really miraculous to see her become her own person."

"Do you change when you become a mother?"

"Your priorities do. I think I stopped being depressed over my shit life the day that she was born." Katniss' eyes are warm as she remembers. "She made me want to be better—not just for her, but for myself." She suddenly blushes. "She was conceived here, you know. My little Napa baby."

I giggle. "I think this baby was conceived here, too. I'm glad, though," I tell her and put my hand over my still flat belly. "I love this place. I always saw myself as living here with my family. Chasing the kids around the vineyard, you know."

"Sounds nice."

"Finnick loves L.A., though. I think he feels like he can be another person there. He doesn't have any connection to his past there."

"It wasn't easy for him," Katniss adds and then turns to me. "We are a delightful crowd, aren't we?"

"Indeed, Miss Everdeen," I respond and pretend to twist my non-existent mustache. We laugh together and the atmosphere is light again.

I stare at Katniss from where I sit. Time and motherhood have worked well for her. There's something about the way that she carries herself that I've always admired. Katniss is smart and she knows how to take care of herself. I shouldn't be that surprised that she raised Adina on her own. I do have one thing that's been bothering me, however.

"Why didn't you tell, Peeta?" I ask her suddenly. "You knew that you were pregnant during prom. It would've been the perfect time to say something."

"I go over that year over and over." Katniss lays her head back against the backboard. "It never seemed to be the right time. Everything was disintegrating around us and before I knew it—I was at SFO watching Peeta leave. I still don't know why I didn't ask him to stay." She looks over at me, her eyes heavy with memories. "What would you have done?"

I snort. "I'd panic. Cry a lot… I don't know." I throw my hands up. "I'm pregnant and I'm having trouble telling my fiancé!" I put an arm around her. "Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do either."

"Trust me when I tell you that I tried a million times and a million times I failed," Katniss says quietly. "My daughter lost a chance to be raised by her father and Peeta has missed so many firsts for her. No baby book, picture, or video recording will fix that."

"I'm going to tell you something and I'm saying it because I love you." I look over at her. "You were a freaking idiot. You should've told him, but it's over now and you can only move on. Maybe next time, you'll ask him to stay."

"Next time?"

"I see how you two look at each other." Peeta's eyes still brighten at the sight of her and he beams whenever he's with Adina. I wonder what kind of father Finnick will be. "Don't let that go."

"Then let me tell you something because I love you," she tells me. "Don't be an idiot like me and tell Finnick that you're having a little fish."

"Little fish?"

"That's how it feels when they move," she informs me with gentle smile.

"Oh." I look down at my stomach. "I can't wait for that. I'm going to take care of you so that you swim strong."

"That's the spirit," Katniss says. "Congratulations, Annie. It's nice to know that I'm not the only mother in the group now."

"Well, maybe Johanna will hook up with one of my cousins and she'll get knocked up, too."

"Now that sounds pleasant," she responds.

"Stranger things have happened."

"You're going to be a great Mom," Katniss tells me. "Finnick, on the other hand…"

I glare at her. "That's my future husband that you're talking about!"

"Who almost destroyed this house because he wanted to see if he could breathe fire by spitting out Cuervo!"

"Touché, Miss Everdeen. Touché."

* * *

"Peeta, what are you doing here?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen the next morning.

It took a lot of cajoling on my part to be able to get out of bed. Finnick was worried and wanted me to stay in bed—preferably nude and with him.

"Well, it's Adina's birthday," he says to me as his mixes. "Her 17th birthday, so I'm baking her a cake."

"How cute!" I try to dip my finger into the batter but he slaps my hand away. "You're not supposed to be eating raw egg, you know."

"Katniss is such a tattle-tale."

"Don't be mad at her," Peeta tells me with an easy grin. "Finnick was bugging Katniss about that talk you had during your ramen dinner so I distracted him. I did persuade her to tell me, though."

I sit at the counter and lean forward. "And how exactly did you persuade her?" I grin at him. Those two really are adorable. I feel like I'm watching them in high school again.

"Um… I promised her that I'd cook her favorite meal for her."

"Is this a date?" I ask.

"No, it's just two adults having dinner and discussing their lives, as well as their daughter."

"So, it's a date."

"No, it isn't," Peeta says, his eyes serious. "I don't think that either of us knows how to deal with each other, much less date each other."

"Can I ask you a question?" Peeta nods as he continues to mix the batter. I find it soothing to watch and it's actually making me—or the baby hungry. "What would you have done if Katniss had told you that she was pregnant?"

He doesn't hesitate to answer. "I would've stayed."

"Your gift would've been wasted," I say. "The Bay Area is great, but it's not New York. You would have never been the success you are now."

"Success doesn't always lead to happiness," he responds, his tone hard. "And I'm so angry at Katniss sometimes because I lost so much time with Adina. When I think like that, I hate her. I hate her a lot." He stops stirring. "Then I see Adina and how she's turned out to be this great girl. She's my girl, Anne. Suddenly, I can't help but love Katniss because she's a part of her. It's a never ending war in my head and in my heart."

I can't help but sniffle and Peeta is instantly remorseful.

"Don't cry, Anne," he says apologetically. Peeta is the only one who calls me 'Anne'. "You want me to make you something to eat?"

"No, this isn't your fault. Hormones and all that nonsense." I wipe them away and smile at my friend to show him that I'm okay.

Peeta pats my hand. "I would've stayed, Anne," he says. "It wouldn't have mattered if I ended up taking photographs of vegetables. I would've just been the world's best vegetable photographer. Maybe I would've been happier because I would have my wife and my daughter by my side." He sits next to me and takes my hand. "Tell Finnick about the baby, okay? He's not going to leave." I open my mouth to protest but he stops me. "He's not the same guy from high school and being back here isn't going to change him back into that guy. In fact, I think this will change your lives for the better."

"You're sure?"

"I can't guarantee that life will be perfect, but he'll be there even when it isn't."

I pull him to me for a hug. "Thank you, Peeta."

"No problem, Anne," he says into my ear. "You're going to be a great Mom."

"You're a great Dad," I reply.

"I try. Every day I have with Adina. I try."

I look up and see Katniss in the doorway. Her eyes are full of something indescribable, but I can see them glistening with tears. I can tell that she's heard everything and it hurts to hear Peeta's conflicted feelings for her.

Because I think deep down she had hoped that he still loved her like he used to. And she knows now that he will never love her that way again.

* * *

"Happy Birthday, dear Adina… Happy Birthday to you!"

The singing ends with Johanna blowing a noisemaker in my ear.

"That freaking loud, Johanna!" I say and grab the thing away from her. Childishly, I blow the noisemaker in her face. "How does that feel?"

"You bitch," Johanna responds. "I'll get you later."

"How?"

"I'll have sex with one of Finnick's groomsmen—on your bed."

"Sure, go ahead. Thresh or Gale—take your pick."

"Never mind," she replies quickly, her face taking on a scarlet red. I watch her meet Gale's eyes quickly.

Something in me freezes and I meet Johanna's eyes. "Oh, Johanna…"

"Let's not talk about that now," she tells me, suddenly panicked. "This is Adina's day."

I sigh. "Okay," I agree and then put an arm around her. "You're going to be okay."

She takes a shaky breath as we watch Adina blow out her candles. They are the trick ones that take forever to blow out.

"Thresh, you had one job!" Katniss says to our friend.

Thresh shrugs and Teddy, his husband, tries to suppress his laughter. "Sorry. I just grabbed the first ones I saw at the market."

"This is the most beautiful cake I ever seen," Adina says to Peeta. It is a three-tiered cake with black fondant musical notes all around it. "Thank you."

"It's for all the birthdays I missed," he says to her.

I look at Katniss and see that she is hurt, but I know my friend—she will take whatever she can get from him.

Because she still loves him.

Finnick comes from behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. "Exciting week, huh?" I nod in agreement.

"Yes." And it's about to get more exciting. I take a deep breath. "Finnick?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

Some of you might have noticed that I changed Adina's age from sixteen to seventeen. This is because I'm a moron and didn't calculate the birth year correctly. So she has just turned seventeen at the tail end of the year. She's a young senior in high school.

I changed it a few weeks after I posted the first two chapters so it should be changed on all my pages.

Annie is a little more grounded than she was in the book in her present time. However, her '96 self will be pretty different and based on one of my favorite show characters. If you can guess who by the end of the next chapter, then you're my instant favorite.

I posted Annie's dresses on Tumblr recently, so you can check them out in my archive.

Some of you are wondering when I will be getting back to the Everlark part of the story. We're about three chapters away from getting back to that. It's all coming full circle.

Next: Annie '96

Thank you for reading!

-JLaLa


	12. Chapter 12

A little bit of Annie in our life.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie, beta extraordinaire, for holding it down.

_I can see the first leaf falling_

_It's all yellow and nice_

_It's so very cold outside_

_Like the way I'm feeling inside…_

_ -Emilia "Big, Big World" (1998)_

_**Trigger warning**__: Scenes regarding eating disorders_

Again

Chapter Twelve: 1996

**Wednesday, January 24, 1996**

_Eat something._

Half of a cheese sandwich that I had made myself sits on a napkin in front of me. Carefully, I pick it up and hold in front of my mouth.

I'm hungry, but then I remember my last weigh-in. I had gained two pounds. Two pounds is not going to help me look good in the white Calvin Klein tube dress that I have to wear this Friday. My mother is a patron for the San Francisco MOMA and we're attending another boring charity event at the museum.

The worst thing about it is that she refuses to let me bring Finnick with me.

_Eat something._

I'm getting a little bigger in the chest area. Mom said so when she made me try on the dress for her. Dad just smiled and told her that all girls go through "hefty" stages. If Dad noticed, then I must be getting huge.

"Annie!" It's Johanna and I smile as I watch her walk toward me. Today, she's wearing a black tube top and grey canvas pants. I'd kill for Johanna's body and her metabolism. I've seen her shovel massive amounts of food in her mouth and she gains nothing. She sits down next to me. "Where have you been?"

"I've been here," I reply easily. "Just studying." I pat the Physics book in front of me. "How are you doing?"

Johanna gives me a sad smile. Gale hasn't talked to anyone but Katniss since he enlisted in the Army. We hardly see him anymore because he spends most of his time working out in preparation for boot camp in Texas. After graduation, he's out of here.

"I'm okay; just keeping myself busy," she answers. "Where's Finnick?"

I put the sandwich down. "He's in the library…studying with Enobaria."

"Enobaria Lopez?" Johanna raises her eyebrows. "Who's tutoring who?"

"He's helping her with Calculus," I reply defensively and the look in her eyes suddenly shifts. "What?"

"Enobaria isn't taking Calculus," she tells me. "She was in my math class and barely got through that with a C. Since you only need math for three years, she opted to not take it this year."

I hold out the sandwich to Johanna. "Here. Eat the rest of this."

Suddenly, I'm not hungry.

* * *

The truth is Finnick cheats—a lot.

It's this non-spoken secret between us. He doesn't think I know and I choose not to acknowledge it.

He always comes back to me. I'm his girlfriend after all, and we have a reputation to uphold. So what if he forgets things like our anniversary? It's just a day.

_Eat something._

No.

If there is one thing that I can control, it's this. I have to look perfect. I'm supposed to be perfect.

Getting up, I walk over to my closet and pull out the dress. Holding it against me, I walk over to the mirror to see if it looks any better. The event is only two days away and I've held out longer on food. Water and exercise are what I need. Not a goddamn piece of food.

I focus on my face. Fair skin and big green eyes framed by my long, dark hair. There is nothing remarkable about me. I can almost understand why Finnick cheats.

It's a lonely Wednesday for me. Mom is at the Fairmont Hotel having drinks with one of her friends, while Dad is still at the office. So it's just me at the house, along with the maids. They don't talk to me since they're not allowed to.

My stomach grumbles.

_Eat something._

Not now.

Instead, I throw on a large, loose turtleneck and some Levi's. I need to get out of here.

* * *

Finnick's house is close to the Presidio. It's pretty big and only he and his Mom live in it. Parking my car in front of the garage, I can hear music coming from above it. Finnick stays there instead of inside the main house. He doesn't want to live there, as it reminds him too much of his Dad.

I walk over to the front door of the house and knock on the door. Finnick's mom, Mags, opens it. Finnick somehow started calling her 'Mags' instead of 'Mom' when he was baby and it just kind of stuck.

Her dark, sad eyes greet me but her mouth stretches into a small smile. It's one of those days for her.

"Annie! Come in," she says and widens the door for me to go through.

"Hi, Mags," I say and hug her. "How are you today?"

"It's been quiet," she replies and as we walk into the living room, she wraps an arm around my waist. I love Mags. She's the Mom I want, kind and supportive. Plus, she's always willing to talk to me.

Life hasn't been good to her and she's struggled emotionally. Finnick's Dad fell in love with a client at the law firm he worked at and ran off with the woman when Finnick was only three years old. Mags got everything from the divorce, but she was humiliated.

Everyone thought they were the perfect couple.

"Finnick is studying in his room, but do you want to have some tea before going to see him?" she asks and I nod. A tea tray sits on the table and I help myself to a cup. "How are you, my dear? You look tired."

"I'm fine," I say, though the cup trembles in my weak hand. "Getting ready for Los Angeles, I can't wait to get out of here."

"And Finnick?" She takes a sip from her cup. "What happens with you two?"

"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "I'm a little worried. I don't know what will happen to us. I hope he decides to go UCLA, too, but you know your son."

"I do, Annie. I know that sometimes he does things that aren't good. I know that there are other girls that go into his room," she says quietly. I feel her words grip at my heart. "It's my fault, I think. I was never really strong enough for him and I couldn't teach him to not be like his father. You are the only good thing that he has going right now."

"That's not true—"

"It is true," Mags argues. "Finnick loves you more than he knows, but he's scared. Everyone who has loved him has disappointed him. His father. Me… me especially."

"Don't say that, Mags." I put my hand over hers. "I love Finnick, but sometimes-"

I don't finish that thought because Finnick enters the room. He stops when he sees me and gives me a nervous smile. I stand up quickly.

"Hey, babe," he greets me.

"Hey. Just came for a visit." I look him over from head to toe. His hair is a bit mussed like he's been sleeping. "You busy?"

"No! Just hang here with Mom while I clean up my room," he says in a rushed voice. Finnick gives me a quick kiss before walking out of the room.

Slowly, I sit back down and take the cup in my hand. I hear the loud feminine laugh from outside. Enobaria doesn't even have the decency to be quiet as she leaves Finnick's room. I can feel my eyes burn in humiliation.

Mags puts her hand on my shoulder and I let my head hang. Tears fall into my cup and it doesn't matter anymore. I'm no longer thirsty.

"If there is anyone who can change his ways, it's you." Mags pulls me into her arms. "I don't know how, but you will."

* * *

"_There is something amiss  
I am being insincere  
In fact I don't mean any of this  
Still my confession draws you near  
To confuse the issue I refer  
To familiar heroes from long ago  
No matter how much Peter loved her  
What made the Pan refuse to grow…"_

The song playing on his boombox echoes into the large space that is Finnick's room.

I understand why he likes it out here. The air seems lighter. I walk over to his bed and notice the wrinkled sheets. I can't deal with this right now, so I choose to sit on the floor.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Finnick asks as he closes the door. He unbuttons his short-sleeve flannel and tosses it on the bed.

"Johanna told me that Enobaria isn't taking Calculus."

The statement hangs in the air.

I look down at the soft, plush carpet thinking of the many times we've made love on it. At the time, it was all so lovely but lately I feel dirty thinking about it. I'm beginning to wonder how many girls he's taken on this floor.

"Baby…" Finnick sits on the floor next to me. "She's nothing. Now you—you are mine. You're my girlfriend and you're the only one who can say that without question. No matter what anyone might tell you."

I nod tiredly. Finnick lifts my chin and grins. "Smile."

"Why?" I ask. I'm exhausted both inside and out.

"Don't be mad," he tells me sadly. "You have no idea how much it hurts to see you like this."

I stand up and look down at him. "Hurts you? Finnick, you're a real piece of work. I'm leaving."

"Wait!" He takes my hands and I look into his eyes. There's something else in them: panic. He is afraid I'll leave. In a way, I understand what Mags is saying. I affect him in a way that no other girl can and he's scared of it. "Don't go. Please, Annie."

"I have to. I'm tired," I reply. My lack of food and drink has taken a toll on me. It's only one more day. After the event, I can go back to regular eating and working out.

"Just dance with me for a little bit."

"Dance with you?" I give a pointed look and he pulls me close. Instinctively, my head falls against his chest as we begin to sway.

"Just stay until the song is over," he whispers in my ear and I feel my stomach tighten in want. God, why do I let him do this to me?

"_Was that the Hook brings you back  
I ain't tellin' you no lie  
The Hook brings you back  
On that you can rely…"_

I spend the night.

* * *

**Friday, February 26, 1996**

"You look like you're sick, Annie," Katniss says to me as I close my locker. "What's going on?"

"I'm fine." Good God, my backpack weighs a ton. I drag my feet against the floor.

"What's going on?" Peeta joins us. After giving Katniss a kiss on the cheek, he gives me a smile. "Anne, you okay? You're about to fall over." He takes my backpack easily. "I got it."

I look at their joined hands and smile softly. "You two are disgustingly cute." I feel my lip quiver looking at them. I see how well they fit together and it hurts because I want that so badly.

"We're going to watch 'Bed of Roses' tonight with Johanna and Thresh," Katniss tells me. "Do you and Finnick want to come?"

"I can't," I tell her. "I have to go to an event at the SF MOMA…"

I feel the ground shift and I reach to steady myself on the closest thing to me—which is Katniss.

"Annie!"

I can feel my legs give out and Katniss follows me down to the floor of the hallway. I see her grey eyes over me from the ground and she's saying something… but her voice has slowed.

And her face is beginning to blur.

Somewhere in the distance, I can hear loud footsteps and then Finnick is staring down at me. He looks terrified.

I try to tell him that I'm okay, but the darkness surrounds me before I can say anything.

* * *

"We're all falling apart, aren't we?"

I open my eyes, recognizing Johanna's voice. I look around and find her sitting next to Katniss.

"Hey." Their eyes zero onto me. "What happened?"

I look around the white room and then try to lift my arm. I'm surprised to find myself connected to an IV.

"You're in the hospital, Annie," Katniss says softly and her eyes bore into mine. "How long haven't you been eating?"

My heart begins to race. "What are you talking about?"

"The doctor said that you were dehydrated and he suspects that you haven't been eating," she replies. "Then there's this." She lifts my hand to expose my index finger which is blistered over. Katniss' lips tremble. "He said people who make themselves throw up get these because of the acid in the back of the person's throat."

"I just watch what I eat," I tell her, though it doesn't come out as strong as I wanted it to. "Everyone does."

"No, Annie," Johanna says. "You can't watch what you eat because you're not eating. You made me eat your sandwich!" She begins to cry.

"It's just a sandwich."

"This is a big deal, Annie!" Katniss shouts at me.

"If it's such a big fucking deal, then where the hell are my parents? Finnick?" I ask them. "I'm not good enough for them to give a shit. It's a good thing that I don't have to go that stupid event at the MOMA because I look like a fat piece of crap!"

"Why would you say that?" Johanna asks. She sits on the bed. "You are beautiful and good—you are perfect."

"Not perfect enough," I reply. "Not perfect enough for my parents because they were the ones who told me that I was getting fat and they were right." I wipe my eyes. "And I'm not perfect enough for Finnick to not fuck anything in a short dress!"

I look up to see Finnick at the door holding a bouquet of roses. Both Katniss and Johanna whip their heads around to glare at him.

"Can you two give us a minute?" Finnick asks after a moment. His eyes don't leave mine and when Johanna passes him, her shoulder knocks into his chest. He doesn't even notice.

Katniss gives me a sad smile before closing the door.

"Where were you?" I ask and lay back on the hospital bed.

"I was talking to your parents on the pay phone," he replies and sits on the bed.

"Oh yeah? Where are they?" I ask.

"They had to go to the dinner," Finnick responds. "Your Mom is on the board. They just told everyone that you weren't feeling well."

I nod and I don't realize I'm even crying until Finnick reaches over to wipe my wet cheek.

"Tell me what to do to make you better," he asks and I can see the anguish in his eyes. "I thought I lost you."

"I'm still here."

"I didn't know what to do when you fell." He kisses my forehead. "Don't ever do that to me again."

I find myself irritated by this statement. Somehow, he's managed to make this about himself.

"You should go," I find myself saying. "I'm tired."

In more ways than I can think of.

* * *

"You don't have to watch me eat," I tell Peeta. Both he and Katniss are taking me home from the hospital.

"I think I do, Anne," he replies seriously, his eyes concerned.

To make him happy, I cut a piece of the pancake with my fork and put it in my mouth. I can practically feel the piece of food hit my stomach and instinctively feel the urge to vomit. My body is acclimating itself to eating again.

"There. Are you happy now?" I ask.

He places his hand over mine. "Are you happy?"

I fill my eyes watering and I shake my head. "No, and I guess that's the reason why I have to go to counseling."

The hospital wouldn't release me until I met with a counselor in regards to my eating habits. I've been having sessions with Dr. Cressida—and will be continuing them until graduation. My doctor says that I do this to have control in my life because everything around me is so messed up. Makes sense, I guess.

My issue is that I never take control in positive ways.

I think it's because I've never believed that I can control what makes me happy. I've always waited for other people to create my happiness instead.

I look down at the plate and realize that I've eaten half the portion. Peeta reaches for my tray and opens the milk carton for me. He gives me an encouraging smile and places it back on the tray.

"You're a good boy, Peeta. Katniss is a lucky girl."

"Don't I know it." Katniss walks out of the restroom. "I have all your toiletries. You ready?"

"Yes," I reply and stand up. "Can we make one stop before I go home?"

* * *

Peeta parks in front of the garage and then turns to me. "We'll be here when you're ready."

"Thanks, I'll be quick," I tell the couple as I unbuckle my seatbelt. "I just need to grab my homework from him."

"Ask him if he wants to grab some burgers," Katniss tells me and meets my eyes in the mirror. "And before you even ask, you're getting an extra big burger."

I roll my eyes then give her a smile. "If that's what you want."

"It's what I demand," she replies. "You have to want to take care of yourself."

"I'm trying." I pat her shoulder. "It's a struggle every day."

Katniss nods and I hop out of the car.

I walk up the stairs hearing loud music coming out of the room and I stop. Somehow I already know what I'm going to find.

Shaking my head, I stop at the door to knock. I hear Finnick shuffling and then the sound of the door being unlocked. Finnick answers wearing a white tank top and jeans, his hair mussed. When he sees that it's me, he gives me an anxious smile.

"Annie, what are you doing here?" he asks.

"Who's in there?" I ask him and stare into his sea-green eyes.

Once upon a time, I could see the whole world in them. Now I don't see anything.

Pushing past him, I see golden hair and bright blue eyes. The rest of her is covered by my boyfriend's bed sheet. I recognize her as junior from our school and give her a cool once over.

"So this is why you couldn't pick me up." I turn and walk out the door.

"ANNIE!" I can feel his heavy steps behind me on the staircase. As I am halfway to the car, I feel him grab my arm. "Don't go! Please…you don't understand. I've been so stressed out since you've been sick and I just needed some relief. That's all…"

"YOU! It's always about you!" I stab my finger into his chest. "I'M SICK OF YOU CHEATING ON ME! YOU'RE FOUL, FINNICK!" I push him and struggle as he tries to stop me. "NO MORE! I CAN'T DO IT! I can't take care of _you _and me! Not anymore."

"Please, Annie," Finnick begs and my heart begins to ache when I see his eyes begin to tear. "I'm screwed up and I don't know why. But I love you."

Everything stops around us. The air is so thick that I can't breathe.

After a moment, I exhale and take his hands. "We're both screwed up. Obviously, we can't get better together."

Finnick cries against my hands and I close my eyes. "No, no, no…"

"Yes." The word comes out strong. Stronger and more heartbreaking than any tears that he sheds.

Slowly, I pull my hands away from him. "I need to realize that I'm worth something—and you need to need to realize that, too. Take care of yourself, okay?"

Finnick doesn't respond, his head hanging down as I back away. He stands there looking lost and I see him for what he is—a boy. If I stay, I will always take care of him like he is one.

I need to take care of myself now.

Turning, I look and see Mags at the window. Her eyes are full of pain, but at the same time I think she understands. She was just like me. She wanted to be in the perfect relationship despite the fact that it was so far from it. Mags paid the price.

I'm not that kind of girl. Not anymore.

I hold my hand up to say goodbye and Mags nods once.

_Take care of our boy, Mags._

Slowly, I walk to the car and open the door. Hopping in, I fasten my seatbelt and close my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Katniss reaches over and puts her on mine. I interlace our fingers and give her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yes," I look over at Peeta. "Just go."

As we pull out of the driveway, I'm filled with every emotion - happiness, sadness, heartbreak. I'm so full of it that I close my eyes, trying to keep it in.

For once, I'm feeling everything just for me.

It's scary, but beautiful at the same time.

"I'll be okay," I say to myself. "One day."

* * *

So this was full of angst—hurts my heart, really.

Not much from the '96 events happening, as I was really more focused on the relationship between these two. I hope it makes a lot more sense as to why they have taken so long to finally get married. They didn't get to where they are now easily.

Anyone want to make guesses on who this character is based on? There are a bunch of people that she could be mistaken for, but there's one character that I had in mind.

Anorexia and bulimia are two very serious diseases. If you need assistance with either one, please check out the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders website, .org. Their helpline number is (630) 577-1330.

When I was working at Jamba Juice, we had an intervention for one of our co-workers who was suffering from anorexia. She has recovered and is actually a Broadway dancer. I was glad that we were able to get her the help she needed. Others are not so lucky. I urge you to speak to anyone who you might suspect has an eating disorder and give them the support as well as resources they need.

"Hook" is sung by Blues Traveler.

'Bed of Roses' was romantic drama that starred Christian Slater and Mary Stuart Masterson and was released on Friday, January 26, 1996 in the US.

Finnick is a puzzle, isn't he? He is based on an ex of mine (this '96 version).

Next: Finnick 2012

Thank you for reading!

-JLaLa


	13. Chapter 13

Darling, dearest Finnick-time!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_Then comes the day  
Staring at myself I turn to question me  
I wonder do I want the simple, simple life that I once lived in well…_

_ -Dave Matthews Band "Proudest Monkey" (1996)_

Again

Chapter Thirteen: 2012

"Hello?" I put my mouth closer. "Are you in there? It's me—Daddy."

_Daddy_. The word sounds so foreign coming out of my mouth. I rarely used that word as a child. To me, the word 'Daddy' was synonymous with abandonment. Because that's what he did; he abandoned us. When I think of the word, I think of lonely, rainy childhood days staring out the window and waiting for his car to enter the driveway.

When his car didn't come, Mags, my mother, would take my hand and make me a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

I stopped saying the word Daddy when I was nine because by then, I had stopped asking when he would come.

"Mommy will keep you nice and comfortable in there," I say into her belly. "Your Mommy has that way about her. She makes you feel safe."

I look up at Annie's peaceful face. It's still really early in the morning and I don't expect that she'll be getting up anytime soon. Her nausea was bad last night. I held her hair back after she vomited up the little bit of soup that she could stomach. I do worry because Annie has had issues with food. She assures me that the vomiting is not her, but the baby.

Her mother is beside herself because they had to let the dress out a bit. Alice, Annie's mom, has taken over our wedding. We're fine with it. I just throw a credit card in her face and let her do the work. There is no way that I'll let her stress Annie out.

"Your aunts and uncles are really excited," I continue speaking into Annie's slight belly. "Especially Auntie Katniss—she's been waiting years for one of us to become a parent."

"The baby is only two to three inches right now." I look up to see Annie grinning at me. "He or she is just barely forming its ears."

"Do you feel him?" Annie raises her eyebrows. "I can tell—it's a boy."

"If that's what you want to believe," she says. "But no, I don't feel it yet. I do feel like my boobs are bigger, though."

I give her chest an appreciative glance and Annie giggles. She swats my arm playfully. I get to marry this woman with beautiful dark hair, evergreen eyes and glowing skin. I'm a lucky bastard.

I didn't always appreciate her—and I've spent years proving to both of us that I'm not the little dipshit I was in high school.

It came at price, though.

"Do you think we'll be good parents?" I find myself asking suddenly.

Annie pushes herself up, her hands settling on her slight bulge. "Maybe we won't be every day. But we'll try. I don't want to be like my mother, but I do want to be like Mags."

"I don't know if I can be a successful father," I tell her. "I'm scared. Is my past always going to haunt me? My mistakes are always going to play in my head."

"We'll take it one day at a time," she assures me. "You're not your mother and you're definitely not your father. You're just you. And I love you."

"I love you, Annie. Even when I didn't act like it, I loved you."

"I know," she yawns. "Let's get a few more hours before I wake up hungry or nauseous."

I kiss her forehead and her head settles on my chest. Moments later, she's asleep.

I stay up and then put my hand on her belly. "I'll protect you, even if it's from myself."

* * *

"Adina, your mother and I agreed—you're not going on that ski trip."

Everyone in the kitchen looks up as Peeta, Katniss and Adina enter. Adina sits next to Johanna at the dining table and sullenly crosses her arms. Her parents are obviously exasperated. Peeta runs a hand through his hair—an anxious habit that he has. Katniss stands next to him, annoyance clear in her eyes.

"Bailey's parents are going to be in the next cabin! You're being unfair!" Adina says.

"You're seventeen. You're not responsible enough to be alone in a cabin with your friends and your boyfriend," Katniss says to her.

"Don't lecture me about not being responsible!" Adina jumps from her seat. "I'm not the one who got pregnant when she was sixteen!"

"Adina, don't you ever talk to your mother like that," Peeta tells her, his blue eyes suddenly hard.

Adina's eyes fill with tears as she looks at them.

"Hypocrites. Both of you—you both used to spend your weekends here without parental supervision. Now you won't even let me go skiing when there are adults two minutes away from us."

With that, she turns and leaves the room. We are all silent, listening to the rushing footsteps as she goes upstairs. Then we wince when we hear the door of the upstairs bathroom being slammed shut.

Katniss and Peeta take her place, though it is a tight squeeze. Katniss puts her head on the table and I watch Peeta put a hand on her shoulder. Thresh and Johanna share identical grins at the affectionate gesture. Gale watches them from behind his coffee cup as Madge butters a piece of toast to put on his plate.

Annie joins me at the table and I look at Peeta's somber face.

"Is this parenting thing worth it?" I ask them.

Katniss pulls her head up and meets my eyes. Her grey eyes stare me down and I see her trying to understand where this question is coming from. Even when we were kids, Katniss looked like an adult—she seemed to know everything about everything to me. She was the one girl I never made a move on because truthfully—I was afraid of her.

I knew that she would see right through me. Just like she does now.

"I went through a whole day of contractions until Johanna and Thresh managed to get me to a hospital because their stupid dancing made the pain unbearable. What I didn't realize was that I pretty much dilated by the time we reached the hospital so that labor was au natural," she tells me. "When I held her in my arms, I knew that it was worth it." She looks at Annie and me. "You have to take the good with the bad."

"I don't understand." Annie takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.

Peeta gives me a wry smile. "She means that there are going to be good parts of being a parent and then there are going to be bad parts. In the end, you have to take it all," Peeta says. "There is no in-between in being a good parent. At least that's what I'm learning."

Katniss meets his eyes. "You're doing fine." Peeta's serious face melts and his lips fall into that same dopey grin he had in high school.

"Both of you need to get laid," I say. "Preferably by each other."

"Finnick! Don't say that to them," Annie bursts out. "If it gets weird between them before the wedding…it will be a disaster!" She turns to them. "Just wait until after the vows, okay? Then you can go buckwild to your heart's content."

The whole table erupts in laughter. Annie sometimes doesn't realize how adorable she sounds. She tends to let her mouth run whenever she's relaxed.

"Finnick, why don't you talk to Adina?" Johanna chimes in with an evil glint in her eyes. "You always know how to get your way. After all, you wore Annie down."

Me? Talk to a teenage girl? Well, I've had experience with that, but it was mostly because I was trying to get them into bed.

I stand up. "I'll do it." I look at Katniss and Peeta. "You can't get mad at me if I somehow make her cry or she does something stupid after, like shave her head or get a tattoo."

"Adina is stronger than you think, man," Thresh assures me. "She comes from two very stubborn people."

I nod and kiss the top of Annie's head before leaving the room.

* * *

I knock on the door. "Adina?"

I hear sniffling from inside the bathroom. "Who's there?"

"It's me—Finnick. Can I come in?" I can hear the nervousness in my voice. This is not my thing. I can negotiate a contract with multiple television networks and schmooze with executives, but I can't do this.

"Okay," Adina agrees, her voice tiny and choked with tears.

I open the door and find her sitting on the floor. Her legs are drawn up to her chest. She looks up at me and gives me a small smile. Her cheeks are streaked with tears.

"Everyone must think that I'm being a brat," she says with a sniffle.

"No, no, sweetheart." I sit down next to her. "It's hard to be the teenager around all the adults. Sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be a kid."

"I'm not a kid!" she screams. "Why does everyone say that I am?"

"Because you are," I reply. "Don't be in such a rush to grow up. When you're older, you see all the mistakes you made and the things you could've said to the people you love. You remember how you hurt them and how you try everyday not to repeat those mistakes. Mistakes that you could've avoided."

Adina looks at me for a moment and I am eerily reminded of Katniss' stare.

"There's something sad about you, Uncle Finnick," she says slowly.

"I have a lot to be sad about." I sigh to myself. "I have a lot to be happy about, too. That's being a grown up." I put an arm around her. "Your parents had to grow up fast, Adina. That's why they worry. They don't regret having you, but I think your Mom understands how your Grandfather must have felt when she told him about you."

"Why do I feel like I'm always going to have to pay for what my mother did?" she asks me.

I understand more than she knows. Suddenly, I feel my eyes water.

I swallow my sob. "Because maybe you blame yourself in some way, and you feel helpless knowing all of this. But Adina—you didn't do anything wrong. You just have to understand your mother and father made decisions. Not all of them have been smart and they've paid for them. You've paid for them. But that doesn't stop them from adoring you, because they really do. Even when they're being hard asses."

I tickle her chin and she grins. "My Mom does that sometimes to make me laugh. How did you know?"

"Because my Mom used to do the same thing," I reply, my voice hoarse. At this moment, I miss Mags more than ever.

"My Mom told me—about your Mom." Adina puts her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago."

"Do you miss her?" she asks innocently.

I nod to disguise my tears. "Every day. Cherish your parents, kid. They won't always be here."

Adina thinks for a moment before speaking.

"I guess I understand why they're worried," she says. "And I know what happened to them won't happen to me. I won't let it."

"Neither will I."

I don't realize that I'm talking more about myself than Adina.

* * *

"So we're going to have Finnick stand here," Lane, our wedding coordinator, instructs as she pushes me towards the right of the old wooden arch. "Followed by your best man and groomsmen." She snaps her fingers and Peeta, Gale and Thresh rush to my side. "Now, Father Sawyer will come to the center of the arch."

Father Sawyer is the parish priest here in Napa. He is in his mid-sixties with dark, serious eyes. It took a lot of donating to the church to get him to come. His parish recommends that the wedding takes place in the church, but Annie and I weren't into that.

Lane is now showing Adina how to walk down the aisle. Her blonde, frizzy hair moves with her as she follows. Adina meets our eyes as she reaches us. Before she reaches her place, she sticks out her tongue and crosses her eyes.

I turn to Peeta. "Everything okay with you two?"

"Yeah, she's fine," he tells me. "Whatever you said really got to her. She apologized to both of us."

I nod before turning to see Annie walking down the aisle with her Dad. She winks at me and I grin. Her bejeweled Jimmy Choo stilettos sparkle as she walks. The heels contrast with her ankle jeans and loose fitting sweater.

When Annie joins my side, I shake her dad's hand per Lane's instructions, then turn to Annie.

"That walk took forever," she says to me.

"This wedding took forever to happen," I respond and she elbows me before turning to the priest in front of us.

"I usually start off with a prayer for the family," he informs us. "The first thing I ask is for the parents to come forward."

I feel my heart sink. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Father Sawyer gives me a cool eye.

"My father left when I was a kid and um…my mother passed away years ago," I manage to say. Suddenly, my body feels cold and clammy—signaling the onset of an anxiety attack.

"Other family members? Aunts? Uncles?" I shake my head and he looks at me. "Do you have any family?"

"No, it's just me," I croak and my eyes begin to burn. Quickly, I look down to cover up the melancholy overwhelming me.

"He has family." A small hand takes the one that Annie's not gripping. I look to see Adina as she meets the priest's eyes.

"Yes, he does," Katniss adds and walks next to Adina. I watch as Peeta joins her as well my other friends.

I give them all a grateful smile.

"You're not blood family, however," he interjects.

"Since when does that matter?" Gale asks him, his eyes dark with anger. "Family is so much more than blood."

Annie looks up at him and her eyes are hard. "Your services are no longer needed."

"Annie, what are you doing?" Lane asks in shock. "Your wedding is in _two_ days!"

She turns to the panicked woman. "We pay you to figure it out, so do it."

"And Annie-bridezilla emerges," Johanna mutters behind me.

My fiancée turns to me and then nods. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head and she reaches to cup my cheek. "No."

"Then go," she tells me. "I will find you."

I nod and squeeze her hand before leaving the wedding party.

Annie knows that if there's one thing I hate, it's crying in front of people.

I did enough of that the day I lost Mags.

* * *

I haven't been home since we're returned to the Bay Area. It's been too hard for me to think about it. I remember before I left for Los Angeles—the air in the house was so thick with sadness. I couldn't breathe and so I trapped it all inside this house.

But I find myself now sitting on the attic floor of the house. I flip through photos, all of them of Mags and me. There is only one photo of us with my Dad. His back is facing the camera. I guess he was trying to take a photo of all of us but the timer went off.

He never really mattered anyway. It was always just Mags and me.

Now it's just me.

"I thought I would find you here." I look up to find Annie standing in front of me. She sits next to me and takes the pile that I discarded on the floor. "Mags was so beautiful."

"Yeah…" I agree as I close the box of photos. I look down at the closed box before speaking. "I have no one. I'm nothing."

"You have me," Annie says firmly and then takes my hand. "You have our child and you will never be alone again." She places my hand on her stomach.

I pull her to me so that she can straddle my lap. Tucking her hair behind her ears, I brush my lips against hers before pulling away. Annie smiles softly at me and something in me jumps into my throat.

"We're your family," she whispers as she looks into my eyes. "Forever."

Then it happens, I am sobbing into her chest. Once again the horrible, melancholy spell of this house has taken over.

"I'm scared," I tell her as I let my tears fall against her shoulder. "I'm not good enough to be a father. Sometimes, I feel so sad and I worry -that maybe I am like her."

"No, you're just you and the difference is between you both is that I'm not going anywhere," Annie replies as she runs her hand through my hair. I feel my heart calm. "You don't think I'm like your father, right?"

I shake my head as I wipe my eyes. "If you were my father, you would have been gone a long time ago."

"Exactly. And we're starting from scratch," Annie tells me. "Just like Dr. Cressida told us to." Standing up, she holds out her hand. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"We have some news to tell Mags."

* * *

The sky is overcast by the time we get to Mags. The line before her name says, 'Mother, Friend, and Wife'. I was reluctant to add that last part, but I knew she would have wanted it. She had been a good wife to him even when he didn't want to be her husband or my father.

Annie places the chrysanthemums against the headstone and then joins me. Looking over at me, she smiles and takes my hand.

"Hey, Mags," I begin. "Sorry we haven't visited you for a while. I think that you understand why. It's been really hard for me to come back." I kneel before the stone. "Everyone in L.A. thinks that we have this awesome life. They think that we're this perfect, beautiful couple. They don't understand that it took us awhile to get to this moment. Years of counseling have made me realize that I am ready to be the husband that Annie should have."

Annie kneels down next to me. "You're going to be a grandmother, Mags. If the baby is a girl, then she'll be called Maggie—for you. I hope you don't mind." She wipes her eyes. "You were always like a mother to me and it broke my heart when you left us. I think we're both still a little broken."

"We'll tell the baby about you every day," I continue shakily. "I'll tell him or her about how you never stopped telling me how special I was, even when you yourself never felt that way." I take a deep breath. "Mags, part of me has been angry at you. I don't think I'll ever understand why…but it doesn't matter now. We have to move on for ourselves and our little one." I put an arm around Annie. "One more thing… we'll be coming to visit more often. I promise."

My fiancée turns to me in surprise. "What?"

I kiss her forehead. "I talked to your Dad and I bought the house in Napa from him. He'll keep on managing the vineyard, but the house is all ours."

"And work?" she asks me.

"I think we both need a little change of pace," I tell her. "I have a few interviews with local stations here. Maybe you can open your own practice—or go back to school to go into another field of medicine."

"You've thought of everything, haven't you?" Annie's smile is wide. The brightest I've ever seen on her, in fact—and I love it.

"I haven't thought about what we're going to do for the ceremony," I say to her. "We have no one to marry us."

"Says who?" a voice asks behind us.

We both turn to see the aged face of Haymitch. He gives us a smirk.

"What are you doing here?" I ask after Annie has hugged him. I give his hand a firm shake, but he pulls me towards him and gives me a one-armed hug. "You told us that you were on sabbatical and in Greece!"

"You need someone to officiate, right?" he tells me. "Well who better to marry you lovebirds than family?"

* * *

You're probably wondering how Haymitch might qualify as family. You'll see in next chapter.

Thank you for your patience. I'm working again and going to school—both full-time. So updating has been hard. Chelzie is pretty much in the same boat!

We are almost to the end of Part One. Excited? Peeta and Katniss are also coming up and it will all come full circle.

Next: Finnick '96

Love y'all!

-JLaLa


	14. Chapter 14

Here we are—almost to the end of Part One. Oh gosh.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_And after all that, we have been through  
Won't you let me tell you why?  
And now that we have, found each other,  
Can't we give it, one more try?_

_ -Timmy T "One More Try" (1991)_

_**Trigger warning: **__Scenes regarding __suicide_

Again

Chapter Fourteen: 1996

**_Thursday, February 1, 1996_**

The letter sits on my bed, my admission letter to UCLA. I knew that I was in and was excited when I got it.

Now, the letter is a reminder that the reason I was so excited was because I'd be going with Annie. Annie, who couldn't—no, _wouldn't_, take my bullshit.

I think back to this afternoon when I watched her walk down the school hallway with Peeta and Katniss. The couple protectively stood on either side of her. They've been this way since we broke up. Katniss has been sending me death glares across our English classroom.

As she passed me, her eyes briefly met mine and I saw that brief flicker of something in them. Did she miss me?

I ached for her.

I look at the letter again and walk out of my room. I head down the steps and across the driveway to our main house. Entering through the kitchen door, I head over to the office but stop when I hear the hushed voice of my mother, Mags.

Peeking through the small opening, I can see her sitting at the desk chair with the phone cradled to her ear.

"He is your son and he needs your help," she pleads into the phone. "You left us with a money hole of a house. I can barely pay for the house taxes as it is. I'm just asking for you to help Finnick with his tuition. _Please._" I cringe as I hear her beg. There is a pause. "Yes, I understand that you never wanted him in the first place, but there was a time when you loved him."

My mother was once very beautiful, but time has ravaged her looks. Now her delicate face sags with heavy worry lines and her eyes—the same color as mine—are dark with sadness.

"If that's the way you feel," she says with a tone of finality. "Will you at least come to the graduation ceremony?" There is another pause. "Hello?" Mags waits for a moment before putting down the phone, her hand trembling as she does.

I close my eyes, realizing that it means nothing to him. My father doesn't give two shits about us, especially me.

This is why love is such an enigma to me sometimes. There doesn't seem to be a pleasant aspect about it. Mags loved my Dad and it broke her. I loved Annie but I was never good enough to love her the right way, so I pushed her until she broke.

It is an endless circle.

* * *

Sometimes, Mags cries. I can hear her from my room's open window and I have to stop myself from joining her. After our quiet dinner, I kissed her goodnight and she gave me a brief, distracted smile.

I can't stand it. I can't stand hearing her cry.

My mind briefly goes back to Annie's face as she broke up with me. The pain in her gorgeous eyes. I did that to her.

I realize the sad look in her eyes that day reminded me of Mags' face as she talked on the phone.

I am suddenly running out of my room above the garage and into the house. My footsteps echo as I rush up the stairs and open the door to Mags' room. She is sitting on her bed and there are pictures scattered about, most of which are of my father. I'm scared to see that the face in them is my own face—our resemblance is eerie.

Mags looks up at me and I'm crawling over to her, my knees bending the photos as I do. My arms wrap around her protectively and part of me hates myself for looking like a man who hurt her so badly.

"Don't cry," I tell her as I rock her against me. "I'm here."

"I'm sorry," she says to me.

"No…no…there's nothing to be sorry about."

"You know I love you, right?" she asks brokenly. "No matter what—I love you. None of this is your fault."

"I know, Mags," I say quietly. Inside, I feel the trickle of something fearful filling my body.

"You'll remember that, right?" Mags says as she looks up at me. "I have always been proud of you and I've loved no one but you."

"I'll remember," I promise her.

I keep those words in my mind when I find her on her bed three days later—unresponsive and next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills.

* * *

_**Tuesday, February 6, 1996**_

The whispers in the school hallway are deafening.

I knew that I stood out before. But that was when I was Finnick Odair, Mr. Popular and boyfriend of the beautiful Annie Cresta. Now everyone knows me for another reason.

Finnick Odair, whose mother OD'd on sleeping pills.

Finnick Odair, who has no family—no family that wanted him, anyway.

Finnick Odair, who has no one and is a nobody.

Thresh and Gale are flanked at each of my sides. Their glares are frosty enough to ward off anyone who might say anything. We head over to Peeta's locker, where he stands with Katniss and Johanna. I am surprised to find Annie standing next to Delly Cartwright at her locker and not with our group.

Her eyes are red and bloodshot. I imagine that's how mine look.

Johanna walks over to me and gives me a brief hug. "I'm so sorry, Finnick. Your Mom was a real nice lady."

"Thanks." My voice sounds unrecognizable. I look up at all of them. "Mags' wake will be on Thursday and the funeral on Friday."

"That's quick," Katniss remarks in a quiet voice.

"Everything was already arranged," I tell her. "She made sure of that."

They all flinch at my words, but it's the truth. Her burial arrangements were made many years ago with my Dad.

The ache inside me begins and I push past all of them, but not before meeting Annie's eyes again.

* * *

I don't stay above the garage that night. Instead, I stay in my house and find myself in the office. I sit at the chair that used to be my Dad's. Opening drawers, I look for something that would've given me a sign.

The last drawer has her wedding ring and a key. I take them both and put them in my pocket.

Looking at the phone, I find myself reaching for the receiver. Should I call him? Maybe he wouldn't care.

The doorbell rings and I jump from my seat. Walking out, I open the front door and find Haymitch, one of my teachers, standing there.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"You shouldn't be alone, kid," Haymitch tells me. "I'm going to be staying with you."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I know that. I told Mags a long time ago that I'd keep an eye on you. I would have been here sooner, but I had to tie up some loose ends with my apartment," he replies easily. We stand and stare awkwardly at each other for a moment. "Your Mom was a good friend and mentor of mine when I first started teaching."

"She was?" I widen the door.

"Yes, she was and she was a damn fine teacher," Haymitch tells me as he walks in.

Closing the door behind me, I look at him uncomfortably. "There's nothing to eat here…I haven't had much of an appetite. So you'll have to fend for yourself."

"Where are your friends?" he asks me. "And Annie?"

"I told them that I wanted to be alone," I inform him. "Mags' lawyer is notifying everyone that needs to be notified. She wanted to make it easy on me." My voice cracks at the last moment and before I can stop him, Haymitch is holding me up.

"Take a nap, Finnick," he says to me. "I'll scrounge something up or we'll order a pizza. Okay?"

Something inside tells me to trust him. I'm scared to because the truth is that I've lost enough people. And it is scary to let someone in.

However, my body protests tiredly and I find myself nodding at him as I walk into the living room. Lying down on the couch, I inhale that familiar scent of flowers—Mags' scent— before succumbing to my exhaustion.

According to Haymitch, I sleep for almost a day and before I know it, it's time to attend the wake.

* * *

"MAGS!"

I shoot up from the couch and for a moment, I'm confused by the rush of sound. My body feels clammy and I'm trembling from the inside out.

In my dreams, she seems so real—and so alive.

Then I realize that the doorbell is ringing. It is the middle of the afternoon and the wake is not for another few hours.

Standing up, I slowly walk to the door and open it.

My heart stops.

Annie stands at my doorstep with a plate in her hand. Her face is bare and her hair is pulled up in a ponytail. She gives me a small smile, her bloodshot eyes crinkling as she does.

"Hi." Her voice is hoarse. "I brought a cake."

I manage a weak smile. "Hi." Opening the door, I let her into the house and automatically follow her into the kitchen.

"Where's Haymitch?" she asks as she places the cake on the counter.

Annie opens the cupboard above her to get the plates. I'm surprised by how well she knows the kitchen. Then I realize that she has probably spent a lot of time here with Mags. They were very close.

I see the wariness in her body and that she is in as much pain as I am. She loved Mags like she was her own mother. And there was a time when we thought that one day, Mags would be her Mom.

"He wanted to speak to Mom's lawyer about something, then he was planning to go grocery shopping," I tell her. "Haymitch is tired of pizza."

She laughs quietly and opens a drawer to grab a cake slicer. "Mags cooked great dinners. She always invited me to eat with her and it was the only time I really ate anything."

Annie bursts into tears and I pull her to me. She cries into my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt.

All I can think about is how right she feels in my arms.

My lips find themselves kissing the top of her head, then her forehead. When Annie looks up at me, her lips meet mine. We lose ourselves in our own grief and I pull her up onto the counter.

Annie reaches for me pleadingly, her mouth glued to mine and I hold her closer to me. I'm afraid she'll disappear. Her small hands reach to open to the buttons of my shirt.

It is in this moment that I know I can't lose her. She is my first love and the only person who loves me now. She isn't some nameless girl, but the one I see when I close my eyes at night, the one that I pray for.

I can't mess up with her.

I won't mess up with Annie.

"Wait," I say and move away from her. "I messed this up before and I think the reason why was because I always assumed you would be there to take care of me. I don't want you to—because you need to take care of yourself first. I love you enough to want you to do that. We can take our time."

"Why?" she asks curiously, though she doesn't seem to be hurt by my refusal to go further.

"Because we have time," I reply tiredly. "Because we're alive and can give ourselves the time to fall in love —if that's what we want in the end."

* * *

And Annie stands by me—at the receiving line during the wake and during a phone call from my Dad. He has decided to pay for my schooling.

I decide not to take the money. I want nothing from him. I don't need anything from him.

We stand together now and listen to Haymitch speak about my mother's life in this chapel. They've asked speakers to keep it to three minutes.

I know her life can't be condensed into only three.

I am surprised when Annie stands up and walks over to the podium. She unfolds a small paper and then meets my eyes.

"I don't know much about Mags' life, but I did know about the woman who would let me have tea with her," she says slowly. "And the woman who would cook for me knowing that I wouldn't refuse, even when I resisted on the inside," Annie pauses. "She was a mother, first and foremost. Mags always thought about other people before herself. She thought about her son, Finnick, the most." Her face crumbles. "I just wish she knew that there were people who thought about her and put her first…"

Annie walks away from the podium and when she reaches me, I stand up. Holding out my hand, I squeeze hers and we sit back down together.

"Thank you," I whisper into her ear. My face is streaked with tears.

Annie looks into my eyes. "She loved you so much. Everyone should know that—especially you."

"I know. I know that now more than ever."

* * *

Annie stands by me as they lower the casket into the ground.

That is when my body gives way and my knees hit the dirt. Annie instantly joins me.

I cry, I scream, I yell for Mags. I feel others around me. Our friends have joined us—Peeta and Katniss on one side, Johanna crying against my back, Gale on his knees between us and Thresh's arm against my collarbone, which is keeping my face from hitting the dirt.

I look up and see Haymitch sadly watching us.

"It will be okay in the end, son," he tells me.

"Will it?" I reply.

* * *

Grief always takes over your body first. I sleep for days on end after the funeral. Each time I wake up, there is someone else sitting by my bed.

One evening, I wake up and find Peeta sitting in the chair. He looks up as I shuffle. Putting down the book he was reading, he gives me a small smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Tired," I reply hoarsely. Getting up, he goes to a pitcher on my desk and pours a glass of water. After handing it to me, he sits back down.

"It will get better. Your body and mind are just trying to adjust back to life," Peeta assures me.

I sit up and look at him for a moment. "What was like when your Mom died?"

Peeta stops moving around in his chair and thinks for a moment.

"We knew it was happening," he tells me. "But when you see her gone, it doesn't seem real. The body you see isn't her anymore. It's more like a shell of the actual person within. I was sad, but I also thought that it was kind of a nice idea that her soul was just flying free somewhere along the clouds. She was free."

"That's a nice way to think," I say sincerely. "Thanks for telling me."

"You have to slowly come back to life," Peeta says to me. "It's the only way to move on. In the end, we realize that we're just part of something bigger. We have to acknowledge that looking out for the greater good is the best way to live."

I fall asleep peacefully that night.

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

I look up from my seat to see Annie.

Standing up, I give her a small smile. "Your Mom told me that you had a therapy session today. I wanted to be here when you got out."

"It will be awhile," she informs me after checking in with the receptionist.

"I just don't want you to be alone," I say. "I imagine that you have a lot to say."

"Since when have you cared about what I had to say?" Her tone is harsh.

I nod. "Fair enough. You have a right to be angry with me—but just please, let me be here for you. Just in case you need a friend."

I can see that Annie is relenting, her eyes softening as she stares at me.

"You wanted to take it slow," Annie says. "Keep that in mind."

"I'm not asking for more."

The door to the doctor's office opens and Dr. Cressida comes out. She is a middle aged woman in a smart looking pantsuit.

She gives Annie a smile. "Are you ready?" Annie nods before turning to me. "Is this Finnick?"

"You talk about me?" I ask Annie.

"Not just about you," she replies, her cheeks scarlet.

"I'm sorry about your mother," Dr. Cressida says to me sincerely. "Annie had to let me know why she couldn't come last week." She looks in-between both of us. "I don't usually do this, but would you like to sit in with Annie? Only if that's alright with you, Annie."

"It's up to him," Annie says and turns to me. "Make your choice."

"Are you going to be able to talk openly with me around?" I ask her.

"I think that was one of my main issues in the first place." Her eyes look far away. "Not being able to openly talk to anyone." Annie takes my hand. "I want you to stay."

That's all I need, so I join them.

* * *

I sit next to Annie on a plush loveseat across from Dr. Cressida.

"Do either of you want water or coffee?" the doctor offers. We both shake our heads. She looks over at me. "First off, I want to clarify that this is Annie's session. She may say things that you don't like, but it is not your place to stop her from saying them."

"I understand," I tell her and then I look to Annie. "This is all about you."

The doctor sits down after grabbing a pen and notepad. "Okay, Annie, tell me about last week."

Annie wrings her hands nervously. "We buried Mags last week. I've never known anyone who died and it was strange to see her lying there in that coffin. I felt scared knowing that life can pass by just like that, in a blink of an eye." She looks down. "I was also scared of the circumstances. I couldn't understand why…" Annie turns to me. "I couldn't understand why she would do that."

"No one will ever know except for Mags," the doctor replies. "Sometimes there are circumstances that are out of our control."

"I was scared because I used to think that I was just like Mags—and maybe I'll end up like her," she says quietly.

"You are no one but you. The difference is that you acknowledge that part in you. Everyone has dark and light shades of themselves. The good thing is that we can work towards finding a happy middle ground," Dr. Cressida tells her as she notes something on the pad.

I am surprised listening to Annie. It's like meeting a different person. She's never talked to me this way and I feel sad because I know that it was my fault. I never stopped to listen.

"I feel guilty because maybe I could've stopped her," Annie continues.

"You couldn't be around all the time," the doctor says.

"When things like this happen, I feel out of control." Annie turns to me. "And I feel alone and it reminds me of the bad times."

"We've talked about your need to feel in control, Annie," Dr. Cressida tells her.

"I know," she replies. "I know that I need to let people know when I'm bothered by something."

"And then it is their choice as to whether or not they follow through, but at least you know that you've done something about it," the doctor informs her. "Now go on, I'm here to listen and so is Finnick."

That's exactly what I do—I listen. I listen to Annie tell her therapist about the random thoughts in her head. Some of them are about me, some are about Mags, and some are about her parents. I listen to her stream of interesting, funny, and even sad insights about life.

The thing is that by the time it is all over, I still feel like Annie is a different person from the one I knew.

I realize, however, that I'm in love with this person, too.

* * *

"So I guess we can carpool," Annie says as we sit on the hood of my car.

"If you want to; I really don't want to interrupt your time with ," I tell her. Stretching, I put an arm around her shoulders and hold her to me.

She smiles gently as she looks out at the ocean in front of us. "I'm glad that you're getting the help you need."

Annie turns to me and brushes her lips against mine.

When she pulls away, our foreheads rest against one another.

I close my eyes. When I do, I see Mags smiling at me and I remember that she loves me—always.

"Are we just friends?" I ask Annie.

"No," she whispers.

"Are we more than friends?"

"No."

That answer is good enough for me.

* * *

This was the hardest chapter for me to write.

Personal note: During my junior year in high school, my family lost my uncle (my mother's brother) in a in a similar fashion. I don't really want to go into details, but it had a profound effect on my family. I remember small details the day we found out—the sound of the phone hitting the ground after my cousin called us and the grip of Auntie's arm as she fell to the ground, sobbing.

The sad part of this was that we just didn't lose my uncle—we lost my cousins, too. It became too hard for them to see my uncles, who resembled their dad, or face of the Aunties who had raised their Dad when he was a boy. I never went to the funeral because I had my SAT's and I regret it to this day. I think I couldn't understand why it had happened.

Years later, after my mom's heart surgery, she became severely depressed, which is common with heart patients. I was faced with the fear that she would hurt herself and she almost did one day.

I grew up that day. I remember having to urge my Mom into an ambulance so she could go to the hospital. My sister asked as we watched the ambulance go, "Did we make the right choice?"

I couldn't answer her.

The point of this is that people sometimes need help and they shouldn't be afraid to ask for it.

If any of my readers need to talk or need help, please talk to me or someone—really anyone.

Your life is precious, even if you might not feel like it at the moment.

Thank you for being a reader because each and every one of you means so much to me.

Next: Peeta 2012

-JLaLa


	15. Chapter 15

Peeta time!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_Who's got their claws  
in you my friend  
Into your heart I'll beat again…_

_ -Dave Matthews Band "Crash Into Me" (1996)_

Again

Chapter Fifteen: 2012

_**Friday, November 23, 2012**_

"Peeta?"

I look up to see my daughter, Adina, watching me. My daughter. I have a daughter.

It's so strange, but at the same time, it is absolutely amazing.

"Hey, honey. What's going on?" Adina sits on the floor next to me and my eyes catch what she's wearing. "Is that mine?"

She nods. "Mom gave it to me when I was ten since I kept stealing it from her drawers." I laugh at the thought of a little version of her taking a ragged baseball tee from Katniss' dresser. Adina looks down at the camera equipment laid on the floor. "Getting ready for tomorrow?"

"Yup, just doing some last minute equipment cleaning," I tell her. "Want to help?"

"Sure."

I hand her a soft cloth. "Just wipe all of the lenses and viewing windows. Nothing sucks more than a picture with fingerprints all over it."

Adina nods again and sets off to work. We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes as she wipes the numerous lenses that I have on the floor. I make sure that everything is charged and ready.

Setting up my old Canon, I aim at her and press the button. She looks up at the sound of the 'click'.

Adina grins. "You're lucky that I'm such a ham."

"You definitely don't get that from Katniss."

She grins, but then her expression sobers. "Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens after the wedding?"

I put down the camera. "I don't know," I say honestly. "I suppose I go back to New York and you come visit me there. Or I go to Juilliard to see you. We'll find a way."

"Oh, okay," she replies quietly.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Mom. What about her?" she asks me. "Are you going to stop talking to her? I know you've been mad at her, but I just don't want you to walk out of her life."

I think for a moment. My issues with Katniss have been a constant topic in my mind. One of these issues is the thought that perhaps my feelings for her are coming back.

Or maybe they never left.

"I will never stop being a part of your mother's life." I put an arm around Adina's shoulder. "All of us are connected now—we're family. And I love you, kid. More than I love anything in this whole wide world, and I will do anything to make sure that you're happy."

She wraps her arms around my ribs and lays her head on my chest, closing her eyes as she does. I rock her gently until I hear her snoring softly. Grinning to myself, I maneuver myself to a standing position as I carry her. Adina is light, so it's easy to walk up the stairs and into her room.

Placing her on the bed, I put a quilt over her and then kiss her forehead.

"Love you, Adina."

She mumbles incoherently and smiles quietly in her sleep.

* * *

When I go back downstairs, I find Katniss sitting on the floor, cleaning the rest of my equipment.

"I forgot that you knew how to do that," I remark and join her.

"I was going to offer to help, but I didn't want to interrupt your time with Adina," she says as she wipes down a viewing screen for one of my newer cameras. "Your time with her is precious."

"It's really not fair," I retort and she bristles. "I've had weeks with her—you've had months…years with her."

"Peeta, I told you that I was sorry." Katniss places the camera gently in front of her. "I know! I know that I fucked up, but I'm here trying to make it up to you. There have been so many times that I thought about that day!" She stops herself from continuing and folds her hand on her lap.

"What day?" I ask quietly.

"The day that I watched you leave, I knew that I was having a baby," she whispers. "And I let you get on that plane."

"GOD DAMNIT, KATNISS!" It comes out of nowhere and I see red. My hands search for something to throw.

"Quiet!" she hisses. "Our daughter is asleep upstairs." She crawls over to me and places her hands over mine. "Nothing will change the past, Peeta. Let's try to move forward—keeping our daughter in mind."

I take a deep breath and my body relaxes. I look up and meet her grey eyes. My hand reaches from under hers and I cup her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she says to me. "Just trust that I've punished myself, and somehow I've been punished without even trying."

"How is that?" I ask.

Katniss jumps up from the ground. "I need a glass of wine. Join me?"

I nod and stand up. Together, we go to her kitchen and she pulls a bottle of white wine out of the fridge.

I look around at the cream colored kitchen and feel the cool tiles against my bare feet. I feel comfortable—almost too comfortable in this house with Katniss and our daughter.

My thoughts are interrupted by Katniss handing me my glass.

"Let's toast," I say trying to calm both of us. "To our dear friends, who are finally jumping the broom."

"May they have better luck than the rest of us," Katniss adds as we clink our glasses.

The wine is smooth and sweet. I savor the taste while watching Katniss sip from her glass.

"What are you hiding?" I ask her.

She places her now empty glass onto the table. "I'm not hiding anything. Not anymore."

"Then how have you been punished?"

"Adina…" She looks down.

"Adina?"

Katniss looks up again and I can see the brokenness in her eyes. "Adina is my first and last child."

"I don't understand," I tell her.

"I can't have any more children," she informs me, her voice hollow. "Something went wrong during the labor—and it is what it is."

"I'm sorry, Katniss."

"You can continue to have children with another woman if you wanted to," she tells me. I see it then—the bitterness and pain that she tries to hide. "Adina is all I have."

I can't respond. How can I? Just minutes ago, I threw a tantrum and now I feel unbelievably small for doing so.

Instead, I reach from across the table to place my hand over hers.

I know it then. That I still love her - maybe even more than I did when we were younger.

We've both changed, but I'm willing to get to know her again. I'm just afraid that she doesn't feel the same.

"Then she'll be my last child," I state after a moment of awkward silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean," I respond as I look into her soft grey eyes.

She doesn't say anything and we sit in companionable silence both questioning what I just told her.

* * *

Katniss insists that I stay the night since we finished off the bottle that she opened.

However, I can't sleep despite the fact that I had taken the last glass of wine before Katniss climbed up the stairs in her state of drunkenness.

I love her. And something about this fact is heartbreaking. We have nothing in common except for Adina. What would we do if I asked her to take this further? Would we be a bi-coastal couple who only saw each other when we could find free time away from our jobs?

And what about Adina? What if this didn't work? She would, without a doubt, cut ties with me if she had to choose.

I don't think I could take that.

I turn my head and spot Adina's piano. The moonlight shines on the picture frames that stand on its cover. Getting up, I walk to this pictorial history of Adina's life—a life where I was non-existent. I see photos of her as a baby. I see her as a little girl with dark chin-length hair and big, inquisitive eyes.

Then I imagine photos that could've been there—ones where I'm holding an infant Adina, and one of Katniss and I helping her blow out her candles on her first birthday.

What could have been.

_It's not too late._

The last imagined photo is one that I try to erase from my mind.

A photo of Katniss and I as we are now.

Except that she's in a white dress and I'm in a tux, our wedding bands catching the flash as Adina stands in-between, grinning because her parents are _finally_ married.

_It's not too late._

That picture is enough to keep me up all night.

* * *

_**Saturday, November 24, 2012**_

_Napa, California_

The sun sets against the vineyard as we watch the bridesmaids walk down the aisle. Johanna comes out first and I can tell that she's had a shot or two because cheeks are brighter than usual. She hates people looking at her so she usually does this to quell the nervousness, according to Katniss.

Raising my camera, I aim to take a photo of her.

But as she approaches Johanna holds up her middle finger for me.

I contemplate whether or not I should take the photo before finally deciding to take it.

These are supposed to be candid. And Johanna is as candid as it gets.

Then I turn to Katniss and my breath catches. Her hair is down, falling softly against her shoulder with one side clipped up. The blush dress makes her skin glow and as she approaches I catch a glimpse of a simple pearl necklace around her neck.

I manage to take a photo, giving her a smile as I put the camera down.

Adina is last as the junior bridesmaid, her dress swishing against her calves. Unlike the bridesmaids' gowns, Adina's dress has cap sleeves. Her dark hair is pulled up into a ballerina bun. She is thrilled to be part of the wedding party.

"Are you ready?" I ask Finnick.

Annie begins her walk down the aisle. For a moment, I see her as the teenage girl I first met-in her baby doll dress and high as a kite. I can't believe that this is happening.

"I've been ready," Finnick replies as he watches her walk towards him. He then turns to me. "Thanks for coming. It means a lot to us."

I look over at Katniss and Adina. My daughter gives me a bright smile and I see myself in it. Katniss gives me an inquiring look before her serious face softens and her lips turn upward.

I wouldn't trade this moment for anything.

Turning to the couple, I take a deep breath and raise my camera.

* * *

"Hi everyone," my daughter greets the crowd from the stage. She sits on a bench next to a white grand piano. I remember the moment when I realized that she was mine and smile to myself.

Everyone has just finished their dinner and the crowd has now mellowed due to the constant flow of champagne being brought to the tables. Finnick and Annie's parents spent a pretty penny on this occasion. The large white tent made of silk protects the round whitewood tables that the guests sit around. I can see the stars from the thin silk ceiling.

Our group sits at a round table in front of the wooden dance floor. Katniss sits next to me while the empty seat on my other side belongs to Adina. Johanna and Teddy, Thresh's husband, sit across from us while Gale and Madge sit across from them. Next to Katniss are the bride and groom, who haven't stopped staring at each other.

"For those who weren't at the engagement party, my name is Adina Everdeen," she continues. "Finnick and Annie will be dancing their first dance as man and wife to my singing—so please pay more attention to them than to my voice." The crowd laughs and Annie gives them a big grin.

"She definitely doesn't get that from me," Katniss whispers in my ear. Her warm breath against my ear sends a trickle of excitement down my spine.

"You could barely get on stage during graduation because you hated crowds," I reply and she laughs quietly.

She meets my eyes. "I was worried that people would see that I gained weight," she tells me.

"You knew that soon?" She nods. "How did I not suspect?"

"I practically carried her in the ribcage," Katniss says. "My own parents couldn't tell."

"You don't have to talk about it," I tell her. "Not now."

"I want to," she replies quietly. "You should know everything."

"When the time is right, we will. Let's just enjoy tonight."

We turn back to Adina who is still speaking to crowd.

"I'm very fortunate tonight because the song that I'm going to be singing is on a newly released album and I managed to get some sheet music from it," she tells everyone. "That's what happens when you have a godfather who is in charge of marketing for the album in Canada." Adina runs her hand across the keys. "Anyway, here goes."

Finnick and Annie stand up and walk onto the floor as Adina begins to play the slow tune.

"_All along it was a fever, a cold sweat hot-headed believer…" _

Adina's voice has only improved since the last time I've heard her sing. She must have practiced for a while to get this song because her voice sounds richer.

I turn to Katniss. "Do you want to dance?"

She looks at me quizzically. "Dance?"

"Yes, that thing you do when you sway your body back and forth to a song," I joke. "I haven't danced with you since prom—I'm feeling nostalgic." I know how pathetic I sound, but Katniss looks so beautiful. All I want to do is hold her, even if it's only for a three minute song.

"Can't you tell when someone is trying to be romantic?" Johanna tells her from where she sits. "Get off your chiffon ass and dance with him."

I stand up quickly and hold my hand out to her. She looks up at me and sighs before taking my hand.

"_Not really sure how to feel about it…something in the way you move…"_

Together we walk to the dance floor where Annie and Finnick are dancing. They both smile and nod at us before returning their gazes to one another.

I twirl Katniss before pulling her close to me.

"Fancy," she remarks, her cheeks red.

We look up at the stage and catch Adina's eyes. She smiles as she plays and we are surprised when Thresh joins her onstage.

Raising a mic to his lips and much to our surprise, he begins to sing.

"_It's not much of a life you're living  
It's not just something you take – it's given…"_

"Did you know that he could sing?" I ask Katniss. Thresh is good—more than good, actually. His voice is strong and melodic.

"I've heard him once or twice with Adina," she says to me, her voice strained.

As I hold her closer to me, I can smell her perfume—it's light and floral. I'm also aware that her cheek is now pressed against mine and that her long neck is a breath away from my lips. I stifle my need to put my mouth against her neck.

I feel her chest relax against mine. And her mouth is so close to my ear…that if she wanted to she could cause me to fall apart by biting gently against my lobe.

Like she used to.

"_Ooh… the reason I hold on  
Ooh… 'cause I need this hole gone…"_

"You feel that?" Katniss suddenly whispers into my ear. "It feels like-"

"What?" My arms tighten around her slender figure and Katniss sucks in her breath.

"Like something has completely and utterly changed between us," she explains quietly. I can feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest.

"_Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving  
'Cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving…"_

This is it. I pull away from her and take a deep breath before replying.

"Only if you want it to, Katniss."

Like last night, she doesn't reply.

* * *

Do you hate me? I know this was short.

The single, "Stay", sung by Rihanna and Mikky Ekko, was not released until this year. However, Rihanna's album "Unapologetic" was released on November 19, 2012 and did have this song on the album. I figured that Thresh had a little pull when it came to getting some sheet music for Adina.

Yes, before you ask—Katniss can't have any more children. This will be talked about in later chapters.

Next: Peeta 1996 and…the conception will be happening in this chapter.

Until then, JLaLa


	16. Chapter 16

Peeta, you little rascal…

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for taking time to make this pretty!

_See the west wind move like a lover so  
Upon the fields of barley  
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth  
Among the fields of gold…_

_-Sting "Fields of Gold" (1993)_

Again

Chapter Sixteen: 1996

_**Wednesday, February 14, 1996**_

"What are you doing here?"

Katniss stands in front of me in a pair of sweats and little white t-shirt. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun and her nose is red from the cold that she's been nursing.

"I came to take care of you," I reply as she widens the door so I can walk into her house. I hold up a bag for her. "I brought soup."

She crosses her arms and eyes the bag. "What kind of soup?"

"Wor wonton. I got it from your favorite place in the Mission," I tell her and put an arm around her. Leading her to the couch, I make her sit down and kiss her warm forehead. "Rest. I'll get you a bowl."

After I place a blanket over her legs, I walk into the kitchen. The Everdeen kitchen is small but organized and I easily find the cabinet where the bowls are located. The fridge is full of funny little magnets with pictures. Most of them are of Katniss and Prim.

When I get back to the living room, Katniss has her eyes glued to the screen watching an episode of _The Jenny Jones Show_.

"Scoot over," I tell her and she gives me a smile. Katniss scoots over slightly to tease me and I can't help but grin. There's something about her smile that gets me. I think I'd do anything for that smile. "Your soup is getting cold."

"Fine," she grumbles and moves.

I gently it down next to her and slowly hand Katniss the bowl. "Be careful," I warn.

"Thank you," she says quietly and takes the spoon that I hold out. "And Happy Valentine's Day."

"I thought you forgot," I reply.

"You're my first Valentine," she tells me before taking a sip.

"I'm honored."

"Am I your first Valentine?"

"Not counting my Mom?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I wasn't very into this holiday," I say as she meets my eyes. "You look beautiful."

She grimaces. "I'm sweating like a pig."

I stare at her bare face. Her grey eyes look even bigger than usual. Her small smattering of freckles is slightly more prominent against her pale face, but she is otherwise gorgeous.

"Still—you're beautiful."

Katniss places her bowl on the coffee table in front of us and then looks at me. "Are you trying to get laid?"

"NO!" I jump from my seat.

She tugs at my hand to make me sit. "I was kidding." Katniss runs a hand though my hair and I shiver as a flow of electricity travels through my body. Her lips graze mine. "How do you know I'm not trying to get laid?"

"I thought you were sick."

"I'm just finishing my dose of antibiotics," she says. "I'm fine. Just feeling gross."

My lips find hers again and I groan when her hands grab my hair. She always seems to know how to get me going. My own hands go to her waist and slowly work their way up until my thumbs graze the sides of her breasts. This time, she groans.

Finally, I yank my mouth away. "We should stop." My chest is heaving while Katniss is also out of breath.

"I guess we should," she says shakily. "I need to wash up—I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay." I inhale and close my eyes as I exhale. "I'll be here after you're done."

"You could come with me."

I open my eyes. "In the shower?"

"No, you could sit on the floor while I take the shower," she answers back, her voice laced with sarcasm. Her face is flushed as she tries to avoid my eyes. "Or you could shower, too…with me."

The living room goes quiet except for the sound of clapping coming from the talk show.

Is this it? Katniss and I have messed around. Gale almost killed me when he saw a hickey on her last week, but this could lead to sex. Suddenly, I'm nervous. I could totally mess this up.

"Peeta?"

I look up to see Katniss staring at me, her eyes concerned. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

I stand up and take her hand. Lacing an arm around her waist, I pull her to me so I can kiss her once more. Her lips willingly soften as I caress and then suck until her body is falling against mine. I can feel the heat coming off her and my body responds instinctively.

"Let's go upstairs," she whispers as soon as we pull apart. Her mouth is warm against my ear and I moan when she nips teasingly at it.

"You're killing me," I tell her as my mouth grazes her neck.

"I promise to make your last day memorable then," she responds before taking my hand and leading me up the stairs.

I've never been upstairs. Occasionally, I've had dinner with the Everdeens. For my own safety, I've always stayed in the living room and far away from any place where Katniss' Dad could quietly murder me.

Katniss opens the door that is opposite to her bedroom and we enter into a blue-tiled bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turn and find myself face to face with Katniss.

"What do we do?" she asks nervously.

"You probably want to turn on the water."

She turns red and smacks her forehead. "Oh yeah."

Katniss laughs anxiously before going to faucet and turning it on. She then bends over to switch it to shower mode.

Turning to me, Katniss gives me a small smile. "Now what?"

"I guess… clothes off then."

"You first," she says to me quickly. "It's Valentine's Day and you have to do what I say."

"Well, if that's the case!" I unbutton the top buttons of the polo I'm wearing and pull it over my head. Then I slowly undo the button on my jeans and pull down the zipper. My jeans fall to the floor and I step out of them before pulling off my socks.

All the while Katniss watches, her eyes glazed over and I can feel my heart race against her stare.

The last piece of clothing I have on is my briefs.

"You're making me nervous," I tell her.

The room fills with steam as Katniss walks over to me. "Don't be nervous." She kisses the side of my neck and then rests her forehead against mine. "You're much braver than me."

My hands find the elastic band and I slide them off. I am now standing naked with Katniss only inches away from me.

I meet her eyes. "Your turn."

She nods quickly before closing her eyes and pulling her shirt over her head. Then just as quickly, Katniss yanks her sweats down.

"Slow down," I tell her. I reach over and cup her cheek. "We have time."

"I'm even more nervous than you," Katniss admits. "We've never gone this far. And I'm scared."

"We don't have to do this." I take her hand. "You are beautiful and perfect," I continue as I look into her eyes. "I love you."

She takes a deep breath and grins. "I love you, too." Her hands graze her stomach before she pulls down her panties. Straightening herself, she meets my eyes again.

Katniss is slender and her skin is a rich olive _everywhere_. My eyes first go to her long neck, then down to her smooth collarbone. Her breasts are neither too big nor too small, but my eyes mostly focus on her dusty rose nipples.

"You're staring," Katniss says, her voice strained and her eyes concentrated on my own body.

"So are you." My eyes briefly look down at her small waist and wider hips until I focus on the cusp in-between her thighs. "Like I said, you're beautiful."

"The water is going to get cold." Taking my hand, she pulls back the shower curtain. She steps in first and I follow.

I let her wet her hair first, watching the flow of water run down the curves of her body. I close my eyes, trying to calm my reaction. I don't want her to think that I'm nothing but some horny boy.

My thoughts are interrupted by Katniss' mouth finding mine. Her arms encircle my neck while my own arms wind around her waist as she pulls me under the shower head. Our mouths engulf one another as her tongue dances against my own.

I cry out when her hand reaches down and strokes me. My head drops against her shoulder as I try to stop myself from falling apart. Her hand, however, is sending shocks of pleasure through my body.

"I guess I found your weakness," she says to me playfully.

I look up at her and smile bashfully. "I thought you already knew what my weakness was."

"What a line—"

I cut her off, my lips meeting hers again in a sloppy kiss. My hands begin to explore and I find my thumbs running themselves against her nipples, causing them to harden even though the water is blissfully warm. Katniss pulls away from my mouth and her strokes quicken against my hard length.

My body reacts and I fall to my knees in front of her. My hands reach for her thighs and I pull them apart gently. The water gives her skin a glowing sheen and my lips kiss the inside of one thigh as I lift the other one over my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she asks unsteadily.

I look up at her. "Experimenting."

I suck the soft flesh on the inside of her thigh before I look in-between. I've never examined anything so closely before. Past the wiry, dark hair, I can see a slight glisten coming from further inside.

Carefully, I move her thigh off my shoulder and spread her thighs apart further. My hand reaches and cups her mound and I slowly slide a finger inside her. Her body reacts and I can feel her insides tighten against my finger.

It's exciting to get this reaction from her. My Katniss, who is so strong in front of everyone else, is falling apart by the slight movement of my finger.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I think we're done with the shower," she tells me, her chest heaving. "Let's go to my room."

I nod as she holds out her hand to help me up. Turning off the water, Katniss gets out first and hands me a towel. I wrap it around my waist before getting out of the shower.

Getting out, I see that Katniss has wrapped a towel around her body. She takes my hand again to lead me to her room. When we are out in the hallway, she turns and kisses me roughly. Her towel falls slightly so that her bare chest is pressed against mine. I move us forward into the open door of her room and then close the door.

The click of the door stops our movements. This is it.

Katniss moves away from me, her hair still dripping as she slowly steps back. I don't think I'll ever forget the image of graceful movement towards her bed. She places the towel on the bed and then turns to me.

"I heard that you bleed the first time," she stammers out and then looks down.

Walking over, I sit next to her and lift her chin. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I can see the nervousness in her eyes.

"I want to," Katniss replies. "I want you—more than anything. Don't you want me?"

"Of course." I kiss her gently. "We wanted it to be special, right?"

Katniss grins. "Nothing is more special than Valentine's Day, right? At least that's what Hallmark is telling us."

"Lay back," I tell her quietly. Katniss listens and lies back against her pillow, her wet hair fanning out in thick tendrils around her. "Close your eyes." She nods and does what I tell her.

Leaning down, I kiss her gently. She responds and bites my lips. I gasp as I pull away and my mouth travels behind her ear, then down her neck. My lips travel down to her collarbone, then down to her chest where my lips grasp a nipple and I taste. As her hands grab at my hair, I cover her body with mine.

I push myself up. "So here we are."

"Yup," she replies and then laughs quietly. "I didn't think this would so awkward."

"Well, movies really make it look good," I tell her. "Let's just go slowly." She nods. "I'm going to—you know."

"Okay," she says quickly.

Slowly, I get on my knees in front of her and she wraps her legs around my waist. I move forward until I am almost meeting her inside.

"Ready?" I ask.

"I'm ready." Katniss reaches up and caresses my cheek.

I move forward, slowly pushing myself inside her and Katniss gasps. Her body tightens around me.

"Relax." Katniss takes a deep breath and I move forward, feeling her barrier.

I lay my body down over hers and kiss her gently. "I love you," I tell Katniss as I move forward and push through her resisting flesh. She cries out and her arms clutch my back quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I feel horrible despite the pleasure coursing through my body.

She shakes her head and smiles in spite of her discomfort. "It had to be done and I'm glad that it was with you." Katniss grimaces in pain. "Give me a second."

I nod and kiss her softly. "Thank you for letting me be your first."

It's at the tip of my tongue to tell her that I also want her to be my last.

"You can move," she finally says. Moving her hips up, Katniss moans and it's not in pain. It's something else.

I kiss her as I begin to move against her. She responds, meeting my thrusts until I can't seem to hold back.

"I won't last much longer, Katniss," I say against her mouth.

I wanted it to be perfect and to make her come. However, the feeling of her wrapped around me is more than I can handle.

"It's okay," she replies as we move together. "There are going to be many more opportunities to do this."

Pulling me down, she kisses me before moving away and letting her lips travel up my neck.

When she reaches my ear, she bites down hard and I come undone at the pain and pleasure of it.

"Katniss!" I call out and I am gasping for breath in the aftermath of it all.

She draws me to her chest and rubs my back. "After that first part, it didn't hurt that much."

I look up at her and smile. "You're just saying that." I rest my chin against her sweaty skin.

"No, really," Katniss tells me. "It actually started to feel really good after…" She stops as a yawn escapes her mouth.

I sit up quickly and move off of her. "You're exhausted because you're still sick. Scoot over and you can rest against me."

Katniss tiredly moves so I have some room. Putting an arm around her, she lays her head against my chest. We're silent as we contemplate what just happened between us.

"I love you, Katniss," I say as I pull her close. "I want this to be forever. Do you think that it might be?"

When she doesn't respond, I look down to find her asleep.

Grinning to myself, I pull a blanket over us before succumbing to my own exhaustion.

* * *

"Katniss? Are you okay?"

In my groggy state, I can hear a feminine voice calling from outside the door. An urgent knock follows and I finally wake up.

_Oh, shit._

I look at Katniss, who is sound asleep on my chest. Carefully, I move her off me and onto her pillow. Slowly, I tiptoe towards the door.

"Katniss," the voice calls out again and I recognize it as Johanna's.

I also realize that I am very naked.

Carefully, I unlock the door and open it a crack. Johanna's eyes bug out when she sees me. Thresh, who stands behind her, raises his eyebrows.

"Hey guys," I greet them as calmly as I can. "What's up?"

Johanna tries to peek through the crack and then grins wickedly at me.

"Peeta, are you naked?" she asks, her voice full of glee.

"I'm going to be sick," Thresh mumbles to himself.

"If you're going to vomit in the bathroom, can you please get my clothes?" I ask him quietly. "I need to get out of here before Prim gets home."

"She's already home," Thresh responds. "She's downstairs wondering why your car is parked across the street. I picked her up when I picked Rue up. It's a good thing we did, too."

"I am begging you," I tell them. "Please give me my clothes."

Johanna raises her hand. "Let me!" She dashes into the bathroom and comes out with my clothes in her arms. I reached for them but she pulls away. "JOHANNA!"

"Peeta?" I look over to see Katniss waking up. "What's going on?"

I managed to yank my jeans from Johanna and close the door before she can get in.

"Johanna and Thresh are here," I inform her. "So is Prim. Get dressed quickly."

She takes a moment to process what I'm telling her before jumping up from the bed and running to her dresser. Taking a pair of sweats and a t-shirt out, she pulls everything on in a flash as I zip up my jeans.

"I can't believe I fell asleep," she moans. I grab her hand as she walks past me and pull her in for a hug. She hugs me back. "Clearly, this wasn't how I wanted to bask in the afterglow of our first time."

"What did you want to do?" I ask and kiss her forehead.

"I wanted to lie in your arms and talk about our hopes and dreams. Then do it again."

"Sounds like a great plan," I tell her. "We have a lot of time and many other chances to do this again."

She nods before walking over to the door and opening it. Johanna stands before us with the rest of my clothes.

"I like your Calvin Klein briefs, Peeta," Johanna says to me. "I actually pictured you as more of a flannel boxers man, though."

"Give those back," Katniss demands and yanks them from her friend's hand.

"Are you going to keep them?"

"Shut up, Jo-Jo."

"You guys totally did it," she teases. "Tell me, Katniss. Is he as wholesome as he looks?"

Katniss blushes and I put an arm around her protectively.

"Enough with the teasing, Johanna," I say. "Prim is downstairs, probably wondering what is going on—"

"Katniss, are you okay?" It's Prim. She looks at her sister, then at me. "Why is Peeta shirtless?"

"Because Johanna is being annoying," I tell her and Johanna makes an 'L' with her thumb and index finger.

Prim looks confused and she turns to Katniss. "What's going on?"

"You guys should probably go," Katniss says to everyone. "Prim and I need to talk." She gives me an apologetic smile. "I'll call you tonight."

I give her a farewell kiss and say goodbye to Prim. Taking my shirt from Johanna, I walk down the stairs. A rush of footsteps follows and I turn to see Thresh and Johanna coming down after me.

"Wait a minute, loverboy." I turn to Thresh. "We all need to talk."

"I'm not going to talk about this with you," I tell them. "This is between me and Katniss."

"Well, Katniss is like a sister to us," he responds testily. "And if you do care about her, I suggest that you be at my house in twenty minutes or we can go to yours."

"Where I will be as loud as I want," Johanna adds. "I'm sure you don't want that."

"Fine," I look at each of them. "I'll see you in twenty minutes."

* * *

"We need to know what your intentions are," Thresh says as he hands me a can of root beer. He sits across from me on the loveseat next to Johanna.

"We also need to know how the sex was," Johanna adds as she tears her eyes from the television screen to look at me. "Are Katniss' breasts as teeny-tiny as they look?"

"Are we really going to talk about this while you watch 'The Grind'?" I ask her.

"Why? All this gyrating getting you hot and bothered?"

"I love Katniss," I tell them. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Plus, I wasn't the one who initiated the showering together thing."

"That little slut," Johanna says with a smile. "I'm going to tease her so bad about that—"

"Don't, please," I plead. "That was our first time. I don't want you to make her feel ashamed of it. It was special." I find my lip curving into a smile. "I don't think I want to be with anyone else but her for the rest of my life."

"Slow down there, Ponyboy," Thresh says. "Let's all graduate first before you make any declarations like that."

"I know how I sound," I say to Thresh. "But trust that I'm in this for the long haul."

Thresh stares at me for a moment before responding. "This is going to bite me in the ass later, but for some reason, I believe you."

* * *

_**Saturday, February 24, 1996 **_

_Napa, California_

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

I wake up to find Katniss staring at me from her side of the bed. Annie and Finnick found it appropriate to have us share a bed.

It was their 'congratulations on the sex' present to us.

Katniss spent the next week after that first time still sick and back on her antibiotics. Somehow, her deflowering had caused her immune system to fall apart. I felt horrible after that and tried to keep myself from touching her until she felt better.

It also didn't help that every time that I came to the house, Prim would turn red and refuse to look me in the eye. Apparently, Katniss had an impromptu 'birds and bees' talk with her.

"You're up early," I say and run a hand through her hair. Pulling her down for a kiss, I close my eyes again, enjoying the feel of her mouth against mine.

Katniss pulls away after a moment. "I have a full day planned for us."

"Does the plan include this bed?"

She sits up and then hits me with her pillow. I cover myself in defense, laughing as I do.

"I've been in bed for a week because of you," she tells me. "I am not staying in one today."

"You win," I say. "You deserve a day out after being stuck at home."

"Just because we aren't spending the day in bed, it doesn't mean that anything won't happen."

With that, she heads off to the guest bathroom but not before winking at me.

* * *

_**Sonoma, California**_

"Where are we going?" I ask as Katniss pulls me through the yellowing grapevines.

February is when the vineyards are mostly bare or full of golden vines. It is too cold for grapes to grow, but there is something beautiful about looking at the rolling hills chock-full of these old vines.

We spent most of our day exploring downtown Sonoma before finding our way off the regular road. Annie's family owns an old pickup truck that we borrowed for the day. Katniss was the one who drove and I relished in watching her hair fly behind her as she drove with the window open. She loves feeling the wind through her hair.

I don't think I've ever been this happy. I just want it to be us here forever. Just Katniss and I walking through old vineyards—I don't mind not knowing what's going to happen. I know that wherever she is, that's where I want to be.

I am hopelessly in love with this girl. I don't know when it happened, but somehow I find myself already in the middle of it.

"You'll see," she replies with a grin. Her hair is loose, as she had somehow lost the sloppy braid that it was in between our drive to here from Napa.

I watch her skirt move against her thighs. She is wearing a burgundy colored dress with small flowers printed all over it, along with a jean vest. I opted to wear a simple t-shirt and khakis, which are my usual weekend clothes.

The sun is setting but it is still warm, which according to her, is strange for this time of year.

"Close your eyes," she says to me and I oblige. Slowly, we walk a few paces before I hear her voice in my ear again. "Okay, open your eyes."

I open them to find a blanket and picnic basket on the ground. We are surrounded by tall grapevines interwoven along wooden supports. We stand in the only empty spot.

"If you walk up that hill," she says, pointing north, "You will see nothing but fields. We are surrounded by them."

"So there's no one here but me and you?" I ask and she nods teasingly.

"Let's play a game," she says suddenly. "You have to find me."

I nod obligingly and smile. "How?"

She walks away from me and into the vineyards. I watch her go further in until she has disappeared into the thicket.

"I'll leave clues," she yells out.

I take off in her direction and listen for her movements. It is tricky because of the feeling of endlessness among the fields. Sometimes I hear her behind me, then off to my right.

I follow the sounds until I find my first clue: her jean vest. Picking it up, I keeping walking and listening for the small sounds of my girlfriend—anything that will lead me in her direction. I move left when I hear a snort of laughter and am rewarded with her shoes placed neatly on the ground.

"Find me, Peeta!"

Her voice is clear so I know she's near. I take off running when I hear the rush of movement to my right. I can hear her laughter as I run further in. A flash of burgundy catches the corner of my eyes and I run towards it. Soon, I am only a few feet away from her, running to catch her. She turns and grins as she continues to sprint away. In front of us, the sun begins to hit the vineyard causing a spray of gold light to hit my eyes.

I catch up soon after and my arms capture her waist. The force of my running into her causes us to fall to ground. Katniss is laughing and I don't think I could ever forget how wide her smile is. She is so happy to be out here, running barefoot with her hair free.

I don't realize that she is straddling me on the ground because I am so focused her laughing face. My hand reaches up to cup her cheek and she quiets. Quickly, I turn us so that she is lying on the soft ground.

"You're beautiful," I say softly as I look down at her. Leaning down, I kiss her and as I deepen the kiss, I can her feel her chest rise up to press against mine. I reach under her arched back so that I can maneuver her back to the top.

Katniss looks down at my prone body and tucks her hair behind her ear. Gracefully, her hands move over my clothed chest, then down to my stomach. When she does it again, she pulls the bottom hem of my shirt up so that I can remove it.

"Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?" I ask as I look into her eyes.

She doesn't respond. Instead, she pulls her dress over her head and tosses it away.

Katniss isn't wearing a bra and I look up at her bare chest. My hands cup her breasts, thumbing her already hard nipples as I do. Slowly, she gets on her knees still straddling me and unbuttons my khakis. Her hand then reaches to draw my zipper down and I lift my hips to remove the cumbersome piece of clothing, along with my briefs.

I lay naked before her. Her eyes roam my body before she stands up and pulls off the pale blue panties that she's wearing. Slowly, Katniss falls to her knees over me and my hands reach for her hips so I can guide her.

Bit by bit, she sinks onto my hard length and we both moan when I am fully inside her. Her eyes meet mine and I can see the hunger in their depths. Pulling her up again, I stop when only my tip is inside her before pushing her back down roughly.

"Oh, God," she cries out. "Again!"

We continue in this rhythm, her rising and falling on me. The feeling of being enveloped in her warmth causes me to cry out when she plants her hands on my chest so that she can grind against me.

Katniss is seeking completion and I want to give it to her. After kissing me, her breasts brush close to my lips and I take one into my mouth while pinching the other one. Her hips press even tighter against mine so that she can grind her clit against my hips. Her moans are unrestrained in the empty field.

It doesn't matter; no one can hear this but us.

"Peeta, I'm going to-" Katniss doesn't continue because she cries out suddenly and her insides are grasping me so tightly that I can't help but fall apart, too. I shatter, pushing up and releasing myself inside her. She falls against me. "Oh, God…"

"That was…." I can't finish and she laughs into my chest. I wrap my arms around her, even though I am shaking and sweaty.

"Intense," she says breathlessly. "It was intense."

Our eyes meet and we are both laughing again, the sounds carrying through the empty, golden fields.

* * *

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Katniss asks me as her head rests against my chest. The lone lamp is our only light in the dark field. After we recovered, Katniss and I found our way back to the empty field to eat the sandwiches that were packed for us as we watched the sky darken.

"I want to take pictures," I reply as I look up at the star-filled sky. You don't see this sky in the city. "I want people to look at a photo and be able to tell that I took it." I pull her closer to me. "What about you?"

"I don't know," she says. "I guess I'm good at the computer thing, but I don't know if I'm that passionate about anything-except for you, of course." I smile into her soft hair. Katniss goes silent for a moment. "What will happen to us?"

"We go to school and see each other in-between," I tell her. "My parents did that and it worked out for them."

"Easier said than done," she says softly.

"It's always possible," I reason with her. "I'll get my degree and you'll get yours, then I'll come back." I hear her yawning and my mouth echoes her action. I feel the tiredness setting in. "Katniss?"

"Hmm?" I can hear the sleepiness in her voice.

"Do you think when I come back—that you might want to marry me?" My eyes grow heavy though I fight it to hear her answer.

I swear before I drift off to sleep I hear her response.

"Yes."

* * *

I love this image of them falling asleep together in a vineyard. So romantic!

Notes:

'The Jenny Jones Show' was a talk show that ran from September 1991 to September 2003. It was really known for the makeover shows or the talent ones. You might remember the controversy regarding an episode about same-sex crushes where a man admitted that he had a crush on his male best friend and was later murdered by the same man who he had admitted having a crush on.

'The Grind' was an MTV dance show which ran from June 1992 to November 1997. It was hosted for a while by Eric Nies (from 'The Real World') before he was replaced with various other hosts.

'Ponyboy' refers to the protagonist of one of my favorite books, 'The Outsiders'.

Sonoma and Napa are about 20 minutes away from one another and it is difficult to distinguish the difference, though I like Sonoma better.

So when do you think Katniss got pregnant? Does it really matter? Because as of this chapter, she is now pregnant.

Poor Prim, she was scarred a bit after that sex talk with Katniss.

Next: Katniss 2012

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

-JLaLa


	17. Chapter 17

Almost the end of Part One!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for making it all pretty! She's the best.

_You said, "You caught me 'cause you want me and one day you'll let me go."  
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just so scared to lose…  
And you say, "Stay."_

_ -Lisa Loeb "Stay" (1994)_

Again

Chapter Seventeen: 2012

"You didn't say anything? Are you stupid or something?"

I put down my mug and glare before answering. "Stupid is as stupid does."

"Don't you dare try to 'Gump' me, Katniss Everdeen!" Johanna scolds. "This man, the father of your child, basically tells you that he's still in love with you—and you say NOTHING!" She puts her head in her hands. "Sometimes I don't know why I even bother with your dumb ass."

"Because you love me," I reply simply. She looks at me for a moment and sighs.

Johanna and I have always had a way of communicating without words. I think it's only increased since Adina was born. She always knows her limits when it comes to pushing me. However, her frustration in me is palpable and I don't blame her.

I'm frustrated with myself.

I won't lie—I missed Peeta. Being here with him and watching him with Adina has only made me yearn for a life where I didn't watch him leave. It's made me want a life where I asked him to stay with me and raise our child together.

Then I remember that day in the vineyards—the day that Adina was conceived and how he had talked about his dreams. Something inside me tells me that I wasn't wrong because he got everything that he wanted.

Everyone knows when a photo is a 'Peeta Mellark' photo.

As for me, I feel the same way that I felt when I was in the vineyard. I wasn't passionate about anything in particular—just him, and now Adina.

Other memories rise up in me. Memories of arguments and tears, and watching a taxi drive away from my home…

"Katniss?" I look up at Johanna and see that her eyes are heavy with concern. "Why are you crying, love?"

I wipe my eyes quickly and am surprised to see my hand wet. "I am?"

"You know I didn't mean it, right?" She takes my hand. "You're not stupid. It's just that sometimes I think you've been trying to prove something to yourself."

"What?"

"That you don't need anyone but Adina to be happy," she says. "And it's true, you don't need anyone but her to be happy… but she'll be leaving—and then what?"

"Then she's gone," I tell her. "The thing is, Johanna—it has to be more than just needing Peeta to stay because I don't want to be alone or because we have a child together. I have to _want_ him. There has to be something more than just necessity."

"Like what?"

"Like love."

Johanna meets my eyes again. "Do you think you still love Peeta?"

"Johanna, you know me better than I know myself sometimes. Do you think I've ever stopped?"

She doesn't reply, but her face breaks out into a wide grin.

It feels good to have someone know me so well.

* * *

"Mom?" I look up from my laptop to see Adina at my doorway. "Can we talk?"

"Sure. Hop in," I tell her and pat my mattress. Smiling, she jumps onto the bed and sits Indian style in front of me. Adina always did this when she was a little girl. It's hard for me to realize that although she might do some things like she did when she was a kid, Adina isn't a little girl anymore. "What's going on?"

Playing with a strand of her hair for a moment, she looks up at me shyly before speaking. "How do you know when you love someone?" she asks, her face flushed.

I smile at her gently and then lift her chin. "Adina, do you think you love Bailey?"

Bailey is her boyfriend. He's a nice kid and I've known him since he and Adina were in Gymboree together. But they're young—and I know that not every couple in high school will make it.

Then I realize that she could be asking me this for a completely different reason. I can't believe that it's come to this.

"Adina, are you thinking of being…uh…intimate with him?"

"MOM!" Adina puts her face in her hands.

"You're asking me about love and I just thought that you might be thinking of taking your relationship to that next level," I manage to say. "I can't tell you not to, sweetie, because I obviously didn't wait."

"Do you regret having me?" she asks quietly.

I lift her chin. "No, never! I wouldn't change the last seventeen years for anything."

"Maybe you could've changed one thing." Adina smiles softly. "You could've told Peeta about me."

"I could have, but there were things that stopped me," I say.

"Like Grandma?"

I nod and turn away. My mother is still a sore subject for me. Prim has learned to forgive, but I can't seem to find the strength to do the same.

"There were other things," I continue. "Your father was a dreamer. I guess one of us had to be and it just didn't seem right asking him to stay."

"And now?" she asks. "Could you ask him to stay?" Her eyes are the same color as mine, but the earnestness in them is all Peeta.

That dreamer that I love is in her.

"I don't know," I reply honestly.

"When will you know?" she asks.

"I'll know when the time is right, just like you'll know when you are in love." I pull her in for a hug. "I just hope that when the time comes, you'll make better choices than I did."

She snuggles against me, her head on my shoulder. "The same goes for you, too, Mom."

* * *

_**Napa, California**_

"She asked me about love yesterday," I tell Peeta as we sit on the balcony of Annie and Finnick's house.

Peeta is housesitting while they take a long weekend for their honeymoon. After they come back, they'll begin bringing their things over from Los Angeles.

He smiles at me. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her that when she falls in love, she will just know," I reply. "That was the best advice I could give her."

"It's a difficult question to answer," he says to me as he looks out into the vineyard. Peeta turns to me, his eyes blue and brilliant. When did they start looking that way to me again? "I think from personal experience, we can say that we knew right away."

"Did we?"

"I did." His face flushes. "Since that first day in Miss Trinket's class—I was nervous coming to a new school but when I looked at you, I knew that I was home."

"I was home for you?" I bite my lip when I feel that familiar sting of tears. I don't want to cry, but I can't help it.

Peeta sees my reaction to his words and suddenly shoots up from his seat. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Just trust me."

"What about Adina?" I ask. She is in downtown Sonoma, shopping for her Winter Ball dress with Thresh and Johanna.

"She'll be fine," he assures me and holds out his hand.

Tentatively, I take it. Hand in hand, we walk downstairs and out of the house where Annie's old pickup truck is parked. I feel my insides clench.

"Do you want to drive?" he asks me. "I know how much you love to drive the pick-up."

I shake my head because I'm overwhelmed. I'm also scared, which I haven't been in a long time. How does he have the ability to do this to me?

Peeta seems to understand because he lets go of my hand to open the passenger door for me. I hop in quickly and he closes the door, giving me a smile before heading over to his side. Once Peeta is in the driver's seat, he turns the key and I feel the old truck's familiar rumble.

I already know where we're going as we head down the highway. The rolling hills and landmarks haven't changed a bit. When we make a familiar turn, I almost regret agreeing to this.

"Close your eyes," he says to me once we've stopped.

"I know where we are." I can't help but smile at his expression. I see that same face on Adina sometimes—so earnest and sweet.

"Just indulge me," Peeta urges and so I close my eyes.

Somehow, I manage to not fall as he walks with me through the soft ground. The walk feels like forever.

"Okay, open your eyes," he whispers in my ear and I shiver instinctively at his warm breath against my ear.

I open my eyes to the bare vines. They aren't orange, but instead a dark brown. It's winter, which means the vineyards are mostly bare and dark.

"It looks different from before," I say simply and walk over to a familiar post. "I used to come here before…when I was pregnant with Adina." I bend down and point to a notch in the wood post. "See?"

Peeta kneels down to look before turning back to me. "Why would you come here?"

"I felt that I had made the wrong decision," I tell him. "I felt like that as I grew bigger. I would come back and remember how we used to talk about our dreams. You wanted to take photos—and what did I want? Nothing… except you and our daughter. I came to remind myself that even if it was wrong, I couldn't let you come back. You needed to succeed and we would have held you back."

"But—"

"As much as you say we wouldn't have, we would," I say. "If it hadn't been for my Dad and Prim, I would've quit State. And as much as Johanna and Thresh tried to help, I couldn't let them take on my responsibility, either. It was hard to be a freshman in college with a newborn. I couldn't put you through that."

"Did you ever think that we would've found a way to make it work?" he asks.

"I know how it feels to be someone's burden and inconvenience." My eyes close in pain. "To be someone's regret. I couldn't do that to you and I couldn't risk Adina becoming that to you."

"Oh, Katniss…" We both stand up. "She really did a number on you."

"I survived, but I was a little more cautious about who I let in after that."

"You have to forgive and let go," Peeta tells me.

"So do you—you have to forgive me, too," I reply. "Even if it's not right away—for Adina's sake."

Lifting my chin, Peeta looks into my eyes before speaking. "Kiss me."

"What?"

His face is so close to mine that I can smell the Riesling wine on his breath. "Kiss me."

"Close your eyes," I find myself telling him.

Peeta smiles before closing his eyes. Taking a deep breath, I decide to quickly brush my lips against his. However, that slight taste of him leaves me wanting more.

The second time I kiss him is harder and this time, I give him plenty of time to respond. Peeta pulls me close against his hard body and my arms encircle his neck. When I open my mouth, his tongue gently caresses mine. My lower half tightens and I realize just how much I want him.

Hell, I ache for him.

A rush of iciness hits me and I pull away. Then I am crying—no, sobbing is more like it.

"This was a mistake! I'm sorry!"

Before Peeta can respond, I am off, running to the truck.

* * *

"Katniss, what are you doing here?"

My Dad opens the door and I rush into my childhood home, the home where I gave myself to Peeta.

"I just wanted to say hi," I tell him simply. "Where's Portia?"

Portia is my Dad's longtime girlfriend. She was in her early thirties when I first met her; she's a lot younger than Dad, but they seem to work. She and Dad began dating right around the time Adina celebrated her first birthday. It took some time to get used to her, but now I see how good she's been for him.

Adina actually calls her 'Grandma'—a title that should have been my Mom's.

"She's in the kitchen," he replies and then looks at me again. "Darling, you look sick."

Portia walks in, all dark skin and big almond eyes, and flashes a grin. "Katniss, baby, how are you?" she asks, giving me a hug. "Where's Adina?"

"She's with her father," I tell her.

Portia frowns when she sees my expression. "That must be hard for you. Sit down, let's all talk."

Together, we walk to kitchen and Dad pulls out a seat for me. Portia puts a mug in front of me-black tea with lemon—which is my favorite. She knows me better than my Mom ever did.

"I was thinking about that day," I start. "The day she left."

"Oh sweetheart, you can't keep torturing yourself over what she said," Dad tells me as he puts his hand over mine. "She was angry at me and I know the things she said to you—she didn't mean them."

"You don't understand, Dad!" I put my head in my hands. "Those words have burned in my mind for years. I never understood why until today." I look at both of them. "What she said to me—it was the reason I let him go."

"Him?" he asks.

Portia nods understandingly. "Peeta."

"I was so afraid to be like her… or that in time I would become her that I let him go," I tell them. "I let the man I love go."

"He's leaving soon. What will you do then?" my Dad asks.

I look up at them, my eyes stinging with tears. "I don't know."

* * *

_**Two days later-SFO Airport**_

Peeta and Adina walk towards the security checkpoint. I walk behind them, not wanting to ruin their last moments together.

The past two days have been filled with awkward silences and stares. The awkward silences from me and the stares from him; we haven't talked since that day in the vineyard.

When I came home from my Dad's house, Peeta had already gone to bed. He spent the rest of his time with Adina, but never looked at me unless he had to. However, when he did —his eyes were expressionless. I couldn't blame him.

It seems like I'm always saying goodbye to him.

_It doesn't have to be this way. _

We stop at the security checkpoint and Peeta turns to Adina. The look on our daughter's face is heartbreaking.

"I will see you soon," he says to her. "I promise."

Adina bursts into tears. "Do you have to go?" she asks in-between her sobs. "It feels like I'm losing you all over again!"

Peeta pulls her closer and kisses the side of her head. "I love you so much, Adina." He meets my eyes and I can see that he is also close to tears.

"I love you, too, Dad," she replies into his shoulder.

They pull away from one another and Adina manages a watery grin.

"That's the first time you've called me that," Peeta says in a choked voice.

"I know," she says sadly. "I should've said it sooner."

"No, you did it when the time was right," he replies gruffly. "Which makes it that much harder for me to say goodbye." Peeta meets my eyes. "Take care of your mother."

Walking over to where I am, Peeta puts his arms around me. "Take care of our girl."

"I will." He briefly brushes his lips against mine. The touch of him causes a rush of electricity to run through me.

I can't breathe and I can feel Adina standing next to me. Everything around us becomes a slow blur along with the sounds, which have morphed into a slow buzz.

Everything becomes clear and we're standing there, watching the man that we love leave—

"Don't go." I don't even realize that those words have come out of my mouth.

Peeta turns to us and places the bag that he's holding on the ground. His eyes look confused but there's something else in them, too.

I think it's hope.

"What?" he asks me.

"Stay," I tell him. "I can't watch you leave me again. I made this same mistake once before and let you go because I was scared of what would happen."

"And now?"

"I don't know," I say truthfully. Walking up to him, I meet his eyes. "I just know that I don't want you to go!" I look over at Adina who is beaming at us. "WE don't want you to go."

Peeta remains silent for a moment.

"Say something, Dad!" He's taken too long to answer for our impatient daughter. Adina claps her hands over her mouth after her outburst.

He gives her a smile and then looks at me again seriously. "Are we going to really do this?"

"Whatever this is, I'm in," I tell him. "If you'll have me."

Peeta takes my face in his hands and then he is kissing me. I don't know how long we are in each other's arms, but when we pull away I'm breathless and smiling so hard and know that my face will hurt later on. Adina has turned around, embarrassed that her parents are making out by a security checkpoint while passengers watch.

Peeta picks up his bag, winks at Adina and puts his arm around me. "Let's go home."

* * *

Have you died of squishy romantic feelings yet?

I know that this is short again, but the next chapter will definitely be longer.

Yes, Portia has made an appearance but you're probably wondering where Cinna is. He'll make his debut soon enough.

Next: Katniss-1996, this chapter will take place in May of 1996—graduation, the pregnancy and goodbyes.

Thanks for reading!

-JLaLa


	18. Chapter 18

The last chapter of Part One…I can't believe it.

The characters of The Hungry Game Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for being such an awesome beta!

_A thousand other boys could never reach you  
How could I have been the one?  
I saw the world spin beneath you  
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb…_

_ -Goo Goo Dolls "Black Balloon" (1998)_

Again

Chapter Eighteen: 1996

_**Friday, May 17, 1996**_

Steam fills the bathroom as I sit and wait. Behind me, the tub fills with water because I'm pretending to take a bath instead of taking a pregnancy test.

Three minutes. That's all this test needs.

However, something inside of me already knows that I'm pregnant. Call it motherly instinct.

Also, I could barely fit into my prom dress last week. My dress was a black empire waist tulle gown and it was when it hit the chest area that I had an issue. I had chalked it up to premenstrual bloating. It was while Prim was trying to zip me up that I realized I hadn't had my period in several _weeks_.

How could I not notice?

Maybe it was because I was too busy finishing up the last of my classes and deciding what classes I would be taking for my first semester at State. Or maybe it was because I was too busy doing it with Peeta to notice that I had never 'surfed the crimson wave.'

I know that I was irregular before, but the birth control pills had regulated my period. So I should've caught on sooner.

I'm so stupid.

My three minutes are up.

Getting up from where I sit on the edge of the tub, I walk over to the counter. Picking it up, I turn the test over and put my hand on the counter to steady myself.

I knew I was pregnant, but seeing the dark pink plus sign is the final nail in the coffin.

My mouth falls open but I can barely breathe. All I can hear is the sound of rushing water as the tub fills.

This can't be happening.

I choke back a sob and cover my mouth to keep myself from crying out.

"No, no, no…" I whisper to myself. "It can't be!"

Suddenly, my stomach lurches and I'm vomiting into the bathroom sink as I cry. Salty tears mix in with the sour taste in my mouth.

How will I tell my parents? My friends?

Oh, God. How will I tell Peeta?

Taking the test, I wrap it in toilet paper and put it in the garbage. If I can't see it, maybe it's not actually happening.

Wow. Not only am I pregnant, I'm also delusional.

* * *

_**Napa, California**_

_**Sunday, May 19, 1996**_

"What do you guys want to do?" Peeta asks our group.

"I have a suggestion!" Johanna says, waving her hand in the air.

I groan. "We are not going to see _Twister_ again," I tell her. I got so nauseous during some of the sequences that I almost threw up into my bucket of popcorn.

Annie and Finnick, who are sitting next to each other, nod in agreement. Both of them are slightly buzzed. Finnick is lazily wrapping a tendril of Annie's hair around his finger as she lays her head on his shoulder.

"Shouldn't we be more excited?" Thresh asks. "I mean, we are graduating in a week." He pulls Johanna up on her feet, much to Gale's annoyance. He sits in the corner of the room—his eyes following my best friend's every move.

Johanna runs over to the stereo system before settling on a song. Peeta guffaws at her choice.

"_You gotta get your groove on, before you go get paid  
So tip up your cup and throw your hands up  
And let me hear the party say…"_

"I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because…this is how we do it!" Johanna sings as she begins to gyrate. Dancing over to me, she pulls me up to join her. Reluctantly, I dance with her while Thresh goes to the radio to turn the song up. Annie jumps up from the couch and dances around us.

As we dance, Peeta walks over and takes my hand. Twirling me towards him, we begin to dance together. Annie runs over to Gale and pulls him up to dance. Gale has always indulged her, so he allows her dance around him, too. Finnick and Thresh sing the lyrics together, trying to see who knows more of the song.

When Peeta twirls me again, I laugh but stop when I feel my stomach lurch.

Oh, no—not now.

"Are you okay?" he asks and I nod. I still haven't gotten up the courage to tell him. "Let's go outside."

Okay, I'm just going to tell him—right now.

Together, we step out onto the back porch of the house and Peeta leads me to a lawn chair. I sit and lay back. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and when I open them, I see Peeta watching me with a curious expression.

"Feeling better?" he asks with a grin.

I nod and pat the space next to me. "Lie down with me."

Peeta sits and then lays back. Somehow, my head finds its way to his chest. The moment is perfect. It's just the two of us.

Well, technically, three of us.

It feels strange to think of it as a third person. Somehow, I already thought of it as a baby when it couldn't be any bigger than a school eraser for all I knew. I tried to read up on it at the library but I was worried that I'd get caught. And I couldn't look it up on our computer at home because I knew that there was a chance that my Dad would see it on our browser history.

It's going to get bigger, that's about all I know.

And I need to tell Peeta.

"Where are you?" he asks. I shiver, feeling his breath against my ear. Not only am I nauseous, hungry and sore in parts of my body—there's also this heat. This coiling want that grows in the pit of my stomach whenever Peeta touches or gets anywhere near me. My body physically reacts to him. I wanted him before, but the feeling has grown tenfold.

I turn to look at him and our lips brush against one another. My thoughts fall apart and instead, that coil breaks and I am pulling his mouth to mine again. I'm ruthless, my mouth and my tongue teasing his own until he submits to me. His arms pull me closer and I push against him, feeling how much he wants me.

"Katniss," he says softly. "Everyone is inside and one of them could just come walking outside…" Peeta kisses me again. "God, I want you."

"Later," I tell him. Looking up at the sky, I take a deep breath. "Everything seems so much bigger out here except for me. I feel really small when I look up at the sky."

"Why?"

"Because there has to be more than us out there, right?" I reason.

"That's very X-Files," Peeta remarks with an amused smile.

"Haha, Mulder." I nudge his ribs.

"You're very philosophical tonight," he continues. "Any particular reason?"

"Um…" This is it. It's the perfect time to tell him.

Suddenly, he yawns. "Sorry, I stayed up late last night looking over all the important dates for my first week at NYU," he tells me. "I'm really excited. Did you know that NYU has twenty darkrooms?"

"Twenty, huh?" My throat has suddenly become dry.

"Yeah, it's a long way from using my laundry room as a dark room," he tells me. Pulling me closer, he kisses the side of my head. "So, do you want to explain your sudden need to be philosophical?"

No, it's not the right time. Not now—when it's so perfect.

"Just a little buzzed, I guess."

"Oh." He looks over at me. "I didn't realize that you had a drink."

"Yeah, a quick shot with Johanna."

He can't see my crossed fingers.

* * *

_**Friday, May 24, 1996**_

"And so we embark on a new journey," Finnick says from the podium. He was voted Class Speaker and is perfect for it. Finnick has always been charismatic, not to mention good-looking. There have been twice as many cameras flashing since he's come on stage.

It's a perfect day, bright and sunny but with a little breeze. Perfect for our outdoor graduation at Kezar Stadium, since our school doesn't have a field.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves and the small stirring inside me. According to the woman at the health clinic, I'm almost three months pregnant. There is still time to not have it if I don't want to.

I'm still not sure what to do.

And I still haven't told Peeta.

Every time I've tried to—we end up having sex or something close to it. It's all these damn hormones, or at least that's what it says in the booklet the clinic gave me.

The clinic also gave me one more thing. A picture of it. And it has hands.

Something with hands is growing inside me.

Last night, I stared at the photo. Was this little blob with the big head and tiny hands worth ruining everything that I've worked for? Everything that Peeta has worked for? He just accepted a photography scholarship that he applied for a few months ago.

I stared at it this morning too as I got ready. I had no answers.

I don't even realize that I've missed most of Finnick's speech until the sound of clapping calls me back to reality. Standing up, I join everyone in a round of applause for my friend. Looking over at Johanna, I notice that she is staring at me curiously.

It isn't until I've just crossed the stage and walking down the stairs do I realize something.

I had been rubbing my stomach when she saw me. I used to do it to help with my upset stomach. Since that appointment, I've been doing for a different reason.

I thought that the baby could feel it.

* * *

"One more picture!" my Dad insists. Beside him stands my Mom and Prim, who watch with identical smiles. Today, they haven't argued. I won't hold my breath that it won't happen later, however.

My friends squeeze in tighter together. Next week, the first of us will be leaving. Gale is heading for boot camp in Texas. A few days after that, Annie and Finnick are driving down to Los Angeles. Who knows when we'll all see each other again?

I feel tears spring to my eyes but I grin as my Dad takes the photo.

Peeta pulls me in for a hug as soon as everyone leaves. "Can you believe it?"

"We're finally done," I say with a sigh. "I'm going to miss high school. This was probably the easiest time of our lives." I turn to him again. "We need to have a talk soon."

He raises his eyebrows. "Anything wrong?"

"No." I shake my head and smile. "Everything is fine."

I hear someone call out and we see Mr. Mellark waving at us.

"I'd better go," he says. "Dad wants to have dinner and then have a little man-to-man talk with me or something."

"Have fun," I tell him. I wave at Mr. Mellark before turning to look for my parents.

Suddenly, someone yanks my arm. I yelp and turn to see Johanna.

"What the fuck?" I ask as I pull my arm away.

"I know," she says simply—and her eyes glance over my slight bulge. I can still fit into my jeans, so I know I'm not showing that much, if at all. "I've seen enough knocked up bitches in my neighborhood to be able to tell-"

"Watch your mouth, Jo-Jo!" I pull her closer. "You know nothing."

"No one knows, right?" she says to me. "Even him?"

I can feel my eyes burn. "Please, Johanna, don't do this. Not here."

She puts her hand on my shoulder, her eyes worried. "Let's talk, okay? When you feel more sorted out. I'll call you tomorrow."

I nod before joining my family.

* * *

_**Sunday, May 27, 1996**_

I know something is wrong the moment that I walk into the house. Once I close the front door, Prim throws herself into my arms. When she pulls away, I see that her eyes are red and two crimson spots color her usually pale cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I ask and put an around her. I had spent the day at a used bookstore searching for books about pregnancy. Inside my bag was a used copy of _What to Expect When You're Expecting_.

"They've been fighting for hours," she tells me. "They're in the kitchen and I heard a glass break. I'm scared, Katniss." She pulls away from me. "Mom says she's leaving."

"I don't understand," I reply. Taking her hand, I walk with her to the kitchen. My parents stand on opposite sides of the kitchen. It was Mom who threw the glass because the shattered pieces are spread only inches away from where my Dad stands. "What is going on?"

My Dad glares at my Mom. "Go on, tell them."

"Let's go into the living room," my mother says in a sharp voice. Mom doesn't look at us. Instead, she stomps out of the room and I follow with Prim in tow. My Dad follows behind us.

Mom sits on the coffee table. Prim and I sit on the couch while my Dad stands against the wall next to the couch with his arms crossed.

"Mom, what's happening? You're both scaring Prim," I say.

She looks at me for a moment, her eyes emotionless before answering.

"I got in job—in Chicago," she tells us.

"Is that it? We're moving to Chicago?" If we move, maybe I can apply to a university closer to Peeta. We can raise the baby together. I mean, after I finally tell him.

"We're not moving," Mom continues. "I am."

It takes me a moment to comprehend what she saying. My mouth becomes dry and I look at her in disbelief.

"So you're leaving us," I say slowly. "Why?"

"You wouldn't understand, Katniss," she tells me bluntly. "I was too young when I got married and I missed so many chances to become something better. I was going to go to college and become a lawyer, but instead I got pregnant. Then I had to get married."

"That's not fair," my Dad interjects. "I never forced you to get married!"

"Yeah, but I didn't have to have a baby," she argues. "We could have done what we had to do and moved on."

I lean forward angrily. "This is ME that you're talking about! You wanted to get rid of me, is that it?"

She doesn't answer.

"You don't know how it feels to put your life on hold," she continues. "I had you and then I told myself that I would go to school back to school when you were old enough, but then I had Prim. And I was stuck." I hear Prim whimper behind me. Mom is being cruel; to say this to me is one thing, but to Prim? My sister must be so hurt. I know I am.

I look into her eyes pleadingly. "Mom, we need you. I need you—I'm pregnant." The words just tumble out of my mouth.

Mom stares at me for a moment, letting my words sink in. Putting her hands on my shoulders, she looks me square in the eyes.

"Get rid of it, Katniss," she tells me bluntly. "Don't make a mistake like I did."

I stare back, stunned by her harshness. Everything that I've ever known is gone. My happy family and my loving parents are nothing but a lie. We're nothing to my mother.

The shock of her words leaves me stunned for a moment. The feeling of anger begins to rise in me.

I push her hands off of me and stand over her. "You want to leave? Then get out. GET OUT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!"

I can feel my Dad holding me back, his arm draped across my collarbone. I think he is worried that I might hit her. With the way I'm feeling, I just might.

"You'd better go," my Dad says to Mom. "Or I might just let go of her."

Without another glance, Mom opens the front door and walks out.

Prim, who has been watching all of this unfold, seems to snap out of her daze. Her panicked eyes look at the open door and before we can stop her, she is sprinting out the door.

"MOM! DON'T LEAVE!" I can hear her scream. The sound of a car staring up takes me out of my stupor and I am rushing after Prim.

Prim is banging against my Mom's window. Mom won't even look at her. Her eyes remained glued to the wheel as she backs out of the driveway.

"MOM! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!" Prim is following the car even as it begins to drive away. "MOMMY!"

I watch her chase after the car until it is too fast for her to chase after. The sky is a dark orange because of the sunset and I can see Prim's shadowed figure in the middle of the street, watching our mother abandon us.

I don't even realize that I'm sobbing until my Dad pulls me to him. Against him, I begin to cry even harder. Nothing seems real anymore.

Looking up at him, I can see just how broken he is. My mother, with her harsh words and cold heart, has cut him down to nothing.

For a split second, I don't see him. Instead, I see Peeta and my heart freezes inside my chest.

I decide then—I won't let that happen to us. WE won't become his regret.

Peeta can't know about this baby.

* * *

The quiet knock wakes me from my nap. The evening has set in. My father managed to get Prim out of the street and up to her room. She locked herself in, but we could hear her crying through the thin walls of the house.

I dragged myself to my own room and laid in bed until my overwhelmed body succumbed to exhaustion.

My eyes adjust to the darkness and I realize that it is well past dinner time.

"Katniss?" It's my Dad. The door opens and I can see him in the doorway. "You need to eat, sweetheart."

"Did she come back?" I ask, my voice thick with tears. My voice sounds different, almost childlike.

He shakes his head sadly. "No, baby. She's not coming back. In fact, she called to tell me that she would send for her things once she's settled in Chicago. The company that she's working for is providing her a place to stay until she can find a permanent home."

"Looks like she has it all figured out," I say from where I lay. Bitterly, I wipe my eyes. I can hear Dad's soft footsteps approach and the weight of him sitting on my bed.

"It's okay, you know," he says after a moment. Dad places a hand on my head to smooth down my hair. "But it's okay if you don't want to have a baby, either."

I feels my insides turn and another set of tears spring from my eyes. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"Does Peeta know?" he asks me and I shake my head.

"He's not going to know," I reply, my voice suddenly hard. "I won't ruin his life."

"Are you sure about not telling him?" Dad says. "We can work something out. I'll go with you to talk to him."

"No."

"Your Mom—"

"I don't want to talk about her."

Her words hurt, but she also made me realize something. I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything. I don't think my Mom ever felt that way about me. It will be different for my baby. He or she will never feel unwanted.

"I'm sorry, Katniss," Dad tells me and I can hear the tears in his voice. "I wish that I had been enough for her. We tried to be happy—at least I did."

I sit up and look into his eyes, which are the same as mine. "I know." I hug him. "I'm sorry she left you, Dad. You were a good husband."

He falls apart and so do I.

* * *

"I'm moving in," Johanna tells me the next day. "I can't be in my house anymore. I talked to your Dad and he agreed that I could have his office for my room. I just have to pay rent and keep up my grades."

"You don't have to," I argue with her from my bed. I haven't gotten up since last night. Prim is still in her room, except there are no sounds of crying coming through the door. "I don't need help."

"Yes, you do." She lies down beside me. "You're a fucking mess. And there's going to be a baby…" Johanna gives a smile. "He or she is going to need Auntie Jo-Jo to play with."

"I have to learn how to do this alone," I insist.

There is a quiet moment as she contemplates my words.

"You don't have to," she counters. "You should tell him. This is wrong. He is going to hate you for doing this."

"I won't have us become my parents," I say to her. I twist my blanket in my hands as I push the words out of my mouth. "My mother wishes I was _never _born. She thinks that she's lost out on life and I won't let him feel that way. I don't think I can take anyone else resenting me."

"How do you know that it won't be different?"

"I can't take that chance."

* * *

"_A wounded heart you gave  
My soul you took away  
Good intentions you had many  
I know you did…"_

The song plays from my boombox. It's a favorite of ours and usually I sing along to it, which he likes. Today, however, I don't feel like singing.

"Katniss," Peeta whispers as we lay in my bed. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"I don't want to talk about it," I tell him and put my head to his chest. "She's gone."

Dad took Prim out to dinner while Johanna made herself scarce by going over to Thresh's. I highly suspect that she will tell him about the baby. My Dad wouldn't usually allow Peeta to be alone with me, but I don't think I could get into any more trouble than I'm already in.

"Maybe I should stay," he suggests. "I'm sure I won't miss much. It's just orientation."

"No." I look up at him. "I'll be fine. You'll be back to visit before you officially start anyway."

By the time he comes back, Peeta won't want anything to do with me. I swallow that bitter fact and try not to let myself cry.

Instead, I move my body over his and kiss him, removing his shirt as I do. He doesn't question my motives because I can see that he wants me as much I want him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks me.

"Who knows when the next time will be?" I tell him. "We're going to have a very busy few months."

Peeta relents, pulling me down so he can kiss me.

He doesn't realize that this is the last time that we will ever make love.

* * *

_**Two Days Later-SFO Airport**_

We walk through the crowded airport. Mr. Mellark agreed to let me take Peeta since he wouldn't be coming back until late July for some last minute preparations. Hand in hand, he weaves us through the crowded airport.

Peeta is excited. I can hear it in his voice. A lot of it has to do with the classes and being in New York. He can't wait to take photos there. I smile to myself. He is such a dreamer and I love that about him. I hope that the little one inside me is just like him and nothing like me.

Oh, God. Am I making the right choice? It's not too late to tell him.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "You're so quiet."

"I'm excited for you." I manage to grin. "You're going to be in New York. Who knows? One day, your photos could be famous and I could say that I knew him."

"Know him," he corrects. Peeta stops to kiss me. "One day, you're going to be in New York with me. We'll have a penthouse and we can walk through Central Park. And see a Broadway show! We can kiss at midnight in Times Square on New Year's Eve."

"Sounds wonderful." I can't help but begin to cry. Peeta places his bag on the floor so that he can comfort me.

"Hey…." He pulls me into his arms. "Don't cry. I promise I'll come back to you." Peeta kisses the top of my head as he holds me close. "I don't know if you remember this, but that night in Sonoma, I asked you—"

"I remember," I say softly. His quiet proposal after we first made love. "You know my answer."

Peeta smiles as he gazes at me. We both look over at the gate as the attendant announces that all rows are now boarding. He looks hesitant.

_Tell him._

I can't. My Mom's words echo in my head. I was a mistake. Me and this baby won't be Peeta's mistake. He will never understand that at this point, the baby is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm worth anything. Mom took that away from me—my own self-worth—the day that she drove away.

"You'd better go," I say to him.

Peeta takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I start to cry again until our kisses taste of salty tears.

"You're making this very hard on me," Peeta whispers when we pull apart.

Backing away, I wipe my eyes and smile. "Go on."

He nods before picking up his bag. With one final kiss, Peeta begins walking towards the gate.

"PEETA!" It comes out without a thought. He turns to me. "I love you."

Something flashes in his face. In two strides, Peeta is right in front of me. "Maybe I shouldn't go."

"Don't be silly," I tell him. "I'll see you soon."

And so begins my trail of lies to him.

"I love you, too." He turns and begins walking back towards the gate, handing his ticket to the attendant.

I watch him disappear down the jetway and out of my life.

Looking down, I place my hand on my stomach and caress the small bump.

"It's just you and me now."

* * *

So ends Part One.

That was not a good chapter. And there are people who probably still don't like Katniss because of what she did. Just try to understand that she isn't in her right mind at the moment.

So what happens now? Part Two will focuses on Katniss and Peeta only. Present Day Katniss and Peeta are trying to figure out their relationship. Past Katniss and Peeta will try to adjust to life without each other.

Some notes:

'Surfing the Crimson Wave' refers to having your period, and is from the movie, _Clueless_.

_Twister_, starring Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt, premiered in the US on May 10, 1996. It made it to number one at the box office and did well.

"This is How We Do It" is sung by Montell Jordan.

Mulder and Scully are, of course, from _The X-Files_, which ran from September 10, 1993 to May 19, 2002. The science fiction series starred David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson as Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

"Again" is sung by Janet Jackson.

Next: Part Two, Chapter Nineteen: Peeta 2012

Hate this chapter? Love it? Thanks for reading whatever you thought.

-JLaLa


	19. Chapter 19

Yay! New chapter!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for once again being an awesome beta!

_I'll be your crying shoulder,  
I'll be love's suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older,  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life…_

_ -Edwin McCain "I'll Be" (1998)_

Again

Part Two, Chapter 19: 2012

I wake up feeling something heavy on my ribcage.

And the smell of jasmine.

When I open my eyes, I look down and see that my daughter's head is resting on my chest. One of my arms is protectively wrapped around her shoulder. Sometime in the middle of the night, Adina must have crawled on to the couch next to me.

I know she's seventeen, but the way she's curled up against me, she looks like the little girl in some of the pictures I've seen.

"She took my idea."

I turn my head to find Katniss sitting on the ottoman near us. She smiles at me before taking a sip from the mug in her hand.

"Good morning," I greet her in a rough voice. "Do you know when she came down here?"

"I don't know," she replies, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "When I came down this morning, she was already here. I think she's worried that this isn't real—that she'll wake up and you'll be gone."

My eyes burn from the thought of Adina believing that.

I kiss the top of her head. "Was she always a snuggler like this?" My eyes go to the picture of Katniss and Adina on the piano, from when she was still a baby. Their pose mimics my current one with our daughter.

Katniss nods. "Yes," she says with a grin. "When she was born, Adina went right to my chest. And she stayed there until they had to take her away." Her eyes cloud over. "When I was okay again, they brought her back and she brought me back to life."

"Why did they take her?"

"I didn't start bleeding out right away." Katniss puts the mug down on the coffee table and curls up on the ottoman. "It was maybe a few minutes after that picture was taken. I was feeling woozy and when my nurse checked—she thought it would stop. It didn't. I passed out—and that was it. They tried to give me blood because I was losing so much, but in the end—it was the only option that would save my life." She takes a deep breath. "I woke up because I heard Adina crying and I held her when they told me that they had to do an emergency hysterectomy. Apparently, they missed a clot during the Caesarean."

"Katniss…" I can tell just how painful this is for her to relive.

She wipes her eyes and looks over at Adina's sleeping form. "She was worth it."

"And other children never crossed your mind?" I ask tentatively.

"Once or twice," she replies. "I even looked into adoption but I worried that maybe Adina would think that she wasn't enough for me. I've always been honest with her and she knows about my condition."

"I would have been happy with a little brother or sister."

Adina is awake.

Detangling herself from me, she sits up, stretches and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Morning, Dad."

I love to hear her call me 'Dad'.

Getting up, she scoots in next to Katniss and puts her head on her shoulder. "It would have been nice to have another kid to play with. I mean, it was fun with Auntie Jo-Jo and Uncle Thresh, but it was lonely sometimes, too."

"I know, but the timing was never right," Katniss tells her as I sit up.

"And now?" Adina asks, looking between us.

Katniss turns scarlet and I'm pretty sure that I've paled considerably. It's only been a day since she's asked me to stay.

"One day at a time, sweetheart," I tell her. Katniss nods in agreement.

"I guess so," Adina replies before looking between us again. "You two aren't even sleeping in the same bed. Why is that?"

Katniss groans and then meets my eyes. "She truly is your daughter. That tact is all you."

* * *

"Hey," Katniss greets me from her bed. "Come in."

"What are you doing?" I ask as I look around. Her bedroom is minimalistic with slight hints of peach in the throw pillows and the one chair in the corner of the room. She is sitting on the bed with an open book in front of her.

Walking into the room, I sit in the only free space on the bed. Pictures of Adina are organized around her, along with other memorabilia about our daughter. One piece of paper catches my eyes: her birth certificate.

"Adina June Everdeen," I read. "Born on November 18, 1996, at 6:27pm."

"She was overdue," Katniss tells me. "June was my grandmother's name. She died before I was born but my Dad said that I looked a lot like her and was as stubborn as she was."

I continue to read over the certificate. "Mother: Katniss Everdeen. Father: Peeta Mellark." I place the certificate down on the bed. "This is real. We're parents and it's all down on paper." Katniss smiles and I feel that familiar tingle run through me. "What is all this?"

"I'm working on Adina's baby book," she explains. "I never finished it because I was so busy chasing that little monster." Her face softens in remembrance. "I thought maybe you and I could work on it together. That way you feel like you were there." Katniss looks over at me. "I know that I can't make up for the years you lost with her. I'm trying, Peeta—I really am. I don't want to fuck this up—"

"Stop." I place the certificate down beside me. "We're starting over. That means that I'm going to stop being angry at you and you're going to stop feeling guilty." Katniss still looks unsure. "Get over here." She crawls over to me and I lay back on her bed. She places her head on my chest; I pull her close and kiss the top of her head contentedly.

"Why aren't you sleeping in my bed?" she asks and looks up at me.

"I don't know," I reply. "I thought you needed space."

"I think I'm done with having this bed all to myself."

"Good." I pull her on top of me. "Can I take you out on a date first?"

"A date?" she repeats. "Aren't we a little old for that?"

"Well, at least we can guarantee that every date will end with me in your bed," I tell her and she smacks my chest. "Or maybe not."

Katniss leans down and kisses me. When she pulls away, I find myself staring into her smoky eyes. "Probably."

"MY EYES!"

Katniss jumps off of me and I sit up quickly. Johanna and Adina stand at the doorway. Adina is covering her eyes.

"This could be worse, kiddo," Johanna tells her. "They could've been naked."

"Jo-Jo, please!" Katniss says, glaring at her best friend.

Johanna gives us an easy wave and puts an arm around Adina, who is still looking down. "I'm going to take Adina downstairs and give you two a moment to compose yourselves."

I look over at Katniss. "You okay?"

She nods. "Embarrassed, but okay." Looking around at the pile of documents and photos, she finds a small piece of paper. "This is my first picture of Adina."

I look at the paper and realize that it's a sonogram photo. Adina's profile is clear, showing a large head and a hand sticking out. It's like she's waving at us. I stare at it for a moment, not really believing that this little baby in the photo is a living, breathing seventeen year old.

"Even then she was beautiful," I manage to say.

"I have some more," she offers. "We can put them in the book for you."

We spent the rest of the afternoon assembling the sonogram photos in order while she tells me about her pregnancy.

"Are there any pictures of you when you were pregnant?"

Katniss shakes her head and smiles wryly. "Nope, unless you count our prom photo."

* * *

"So you're shacking up with Katniss now?" Finnick asks as we sit in the kitchen of Katniss' house.

He and Annie have come over to take some of Adina's old baby clothes. Her pregnancy is obvious now. Adina and Katniss practically fell apart seeing the swell of her baby bump when she walked into the house.

"Not shacking up," I reply. "More like getting to know one another—again."

"That's nice," he says. "So let's get to the important things." He leans forward. "Are you going to propose to her?"

"Finnick, I've been back for about _three_ days," I tell him. "Don't you think that proposing is rushing into it a bit?"

"You've been in love with her for seventeen years! What rush?"

In a way, he's right. I've always known that I wanted to marry Katniss. I proposed to her the night that Adina was conceived. The dream of walking the streets of New York with her is still fresh in my mind.

On the other hand, there is also the fact that we live on different coasts. She has a job here and Adina is here.

"What are you two talking about?" Katniss stands at the doorway. When our eyes meet, she winks at me.

"I was just asking Peeta why he hasn't proposed yet," Finnick tells her.

I put my head in my hands. "You're killing me, Finnick."

I can hear her footsteps as she walks towards me, then the feel of her fingers running through my hair. I close my eyes to savor the sensation of her touch.

"Leave him alone," she says as she continues to torture me with her hand. I look up and Katniss smiles at me. Tugging her arm gently, she relents and sits on my lap. "We'll get there when we're ready."

Her face is inches from mine and our lips touch tentatively. The slight brush lights the spark between us and her lips are on mine again. Her kiss alternates between rough and gentle. When she tugs at my bottom lip with her teeth, I groan into her mouth and my hand goes to the back of her head to pull her closer.

"NOT AGAIN!"'

We pull apart breathless. Adina is at the doorway with Annie. She is covering her eyes while Annie grins at us.

"I don't know about you, but I thought it was kind of hot," Finnick says with a whistle.

"They were worse when we were younger," Annie adds and puts an arm around Adina. "You'll have to get used to it, honey. Your parents are going to make out sometimes—maybe more in this beginning part."

"I know that," Adina replies and looks up at us with a smirk. "I just didn't think I would _always_ catch them at it."

Katniss buries her head in my shoulder.

* * *

_**One week later**_

"Will you tell me about Adina? When she was a baby?" I ask as we lay side by side on the bed.

Katniss has just come home from work; she is still in her blazer and pencil skirt while her heels lay haphazardly at the archway of the door.

I spent the day talking to Clove in New York. My assistant has agreed to take on some extra responsibility for the time being. She wasn't pleased, however.

Katniss turns and looks at me. I take her hand and flip it so I can kiss the top.

"What do you want to know?" she asks.

I think for a moment before answering. "Tell me about the first time she smiled."

"She was only a few days old," Katniss recounts. "We were still in the hospital because I needed more time to recover from the hysterectomy. I think I memorized every feature about her when I was in the hospital. When I touched the tip of her chin, she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I also realized that when she smiled, Adina has a dimple right here." She puts her finger against the side of my chin and I can't help but grin. "Just like you."

A knock interrupts us. Our daughter stands at the doorway.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Katniss asks as she sits up.

"I'm fine; great, actually," she replies and then gives me a smile. "I'm going to a movie with Auntie Prim but I wanted to show you something."

We get up and I walk over to my daughter. Putting an arm around her, we walk down the stairs together.

"I like having you here with us," Adina tells me.

"I like being here with both of you," I reply.

When we walk into the kitchen, we find the table has been set. A white tablecloth is draped over the table while fancy china is set. In the middle, a single candle has been lit. Johanna stands by the island of the kitchen along with Thresh.

"What is all this?" Katniss asks in shock.

"You two losers are having your first date," Johanna proclaims.

Thresh goes to Katniss and helps her remove her blazer so that she is only in her lacy cream tank. Then he undoes her braid.

"There you go, Mama," he tells her. "Food is in the oven and we will all be back _late_."

"So feel free to – you know – do 'alone time' things," Johanna tells us with a wink.

"Goodbye, Johanna," Katniss says and puts an arm around her. "Let me walk you out." Katniss leads her out of the kitchen leaving Adina, Thresh and me in the kitchen.

"Show her a good time," Thresh says to me. "Katniss hasn't had much romance in the past few years."

"I'll try," I tell him nervously. "This date wasn't exactly planned."

"I don't think it really matters what you do," he replies. "Katniss has been the mother and the businesswoman all these years. She's much more than that. Someone needs to treat her that way."

I nod, then turn to Adina. "You okay there, sweet pea?"

Adina hugs me. "I might sleep over at Auntie Prim's apartment since it's the weekend." She gives me a pointed look. "Maybe you might want to talk to Mom about where the relationship is going."

"Where the relationship is going?" I repeat with a grin. "Did you read that from somewhere?"

"Sometimes Auntie Prim lets me read her Cosmo magazines." She looks at the doorway and then turns back to me. "Don't tell Mom."

"My lips are sealed." I kiss her forehead. "Have fun, sweetie."

"Bye, Dad!"

Adina and Thresh give one last wave before leaving the kitchen.

I walk over to the oven and take out the dinner prepared for us. Walking over to the table, I place the food on the table.

"Only Johanna and Thresh would think pizza was a romantic meal." Katniss stands behind me, her warm breath caressing my ear. I take a deep breath, trying to calm the aching need growing inside me. "Thresh proposed to Teddy at a pizza parlor—and well, Johanna thinks that any date with pizza should end with sex."

I turn around and find our noses brushing. Placing my hands on her waist, I kiss her softly. "And you?"

"I think that you're right," she replies, her grey eyes look almost black in the dimly lit kitchen.

"About what?"

"Every date will probably end with you in our bed," she says softly and then laughs to herself. "It's weird. I feel like this is our first date, but it isn't. Everything is so backwards."

"Everything is new to us," I tell her. "I like it this way." I kiss her neck. "So are you hungry?"

She shakes her head and then yawns. "I'm tired. It's been a long week."

I nod. Blowing out the candle on the table, I take her hand and lead her out of the kitchen. Together, we walk upstairs to her – well, our room – and then walk her over to the bed.

"Shirt off," I tell her and she quirks her brow. "I'm helping you change out of your clothes." Katniss takes off her shirt while I go to her dresser and take out a shirt for her. When I get back to her, she has already shimmied off her grey pencil skirt. "All ready for me, I see."

She gives me a pointed look. "I thought you were just helping me change."

"Well, I was really looking forward to helping you get out of your skirt."

"You can help me with these." Katniss sticks her stocking leg out so I can see the garter.

I groan inwardly. Kneeling before her, I reach to unclasp the clip of the garter so I can peel her stocking off slowly.

I remember a time when we were just two teenagers in her parents' house, awkward about our bodies. Katniss seems to have gained a little more confidence in hers.

Not to mention, she is sexy as hell and doesn't even realize it.

"Your underwear selection has improved," I choke out as I finish removing her other stocking.

God, her legs are smooth.

"I learned a few things over the last few years," she replies. "Mostly from Johanna's stories and one of them just happened to be an appreciation for fine underthings."

She removes her white lacy bra and tosses it on the ground. My throat goes dry when I see her bare breasts, but I try to remain calm and focus on helping her dress. Her body hasn't changed much except for the scar from the C-section.

"Remind me to thank Johanna one day." I help pull the long t-shirt over her head. "This is a pretty big shirt. Whose is it?" I can see that it says 'UCSF' on it, which is Johanna's alma mater, though it is clearly a men's size shirt.

"That's another story for another day." I look into her eyes and see something else haunting in them.

It's strange to know her and then again not know her at all.

"Now your turn," she says as she removes my shirt. I unbuckle my belt and then undo my jeans. Katniss helps me out of them, then meets my eyes. "So it's boxer briefs now?"

"Can't have my junk moving all over the place."

"You sound just like Adina when you talk like that," Katniss remarks.

I pull back the comforter of the bed and get in first. She crawls in after and easily finds a place in the crook of my shoulder. Her hair flows behind her, blanketing my shoulder.

Nothing will happen tonight. I can already hear her breathing slow down as she settles into sleep.

"Katniss?" I call to her quietly.

"Hmm?"

"When the time comes, I'm going to ask you to marry me again," I say and I'm sure that she can feel my heart race as I tell her this.

She snuggles in closer. "When the time comes, Adina and I will say yes."

* * *

Kind of a filler chapter…I don't know.

You'll start to see the contrast as the chapters go on. The past has everything falling apart as the present has everything come together. In time, however, they'll all have to cross over.

Also, if you haven't noticed there is a similarity to the last part of Mockingjay regarding working on a certain book together.

So I was reading a lot on emergency hysterectomies—a lot of this is similar to the posts I read from women who have been through that. I didn't make it too close but just drew out similarities in terms of symptoms.

June is actually after June Carter Cash. I was listening to 'Ring of Fire' (which she wrote) while I was writing.

6:27, as in Adina's birth time, is also my birthday (June 27).

Annie is about four months pregnant at this point.

Oh, and Prim only lets Adina read the relationship advice and beauty parts of Cosmo. Never the Cosmo Confessions (which hubbs loves) or the sex tips.

The owner of the t-shirt will be explained in a later chapter.

I know—no smut, but they'll get there.

Next: Peeta - July 1996

Thanks for reading, my loves!

Until then, JLaLa


	20. Chapter 20

Back to 1996!

The characters of the Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for her hard work!

_You, I thought I knew you  
You, I cannot judge  
You, I thought you knew me  
This one laughing quietly  
Underneath my breath… _

_-R.E.M. "Nightswimming" (1993)_

Again

Part Two, Chapter 20: 1996

_**Thursday, July 11, 1996**_

_**Upper West Side, Manhattan**_

"Hello, it's Peeta. Is Katniss home?"

"No," Mr. Everdeen replies over the phone. "She's out with Johanna."

"Do you know when she'll be home?"

"I'm not sure, Peeta. Did you want me to take a message for you?" he asks gruffly.

Mr. Everdeen is usually pretty nice to me, but there is something different in his voice today. It's like he is trying to get rid of me.

"Can you tell her I'm flying out tonight and that I'll be in San Francisco tomorrow? I mean, I haven't been able to contact her—and whenever I call, she's out."

"Peeta… she is very busy with school starting and having to take care of her sister. Prim hasn't been in the best of spirits," he explains. "Maybe you should give her some time—" he pauses for a moment, "I have to go."

I can hear someone in the background.

"Is that Katniss?" I ask eagerly.

"No! I have to get off now-"

I'm sure it's her.

"Wait—" The line goes dead. I search for more change in my pocket. Nothing.

Hanging up the payphone, I head back into the apartment building which will be my home for the next four years. I live in the basement studio of a twelve floor apartment building. Most of the residents are working stiffs, except for one of the guys on the first floor who works as some sort of designer.

There is something wrong with Katniss. I shouldn't have left. I should have insisted on staying. She just seemed so fragile since the day her Mom took off. It was understandable.

But there was something else hiding in the back of her eyes.

I saw it the day I left.

The days have passed and heightened my anxiety because of her avoidance. All of my calls have gone unreturned. My postcards have gone unanswered.

Entering my apartment, I look around at the empty brick walls. A small desk is planted on the far side of the living room, which is to my left. To my right is the kitchen area which consists of a small stove and a dark red fridge. Next to the desk is my bed, which is basically a pullout couch with a mattress. I set up a small stereo system across the couch and beside that is a small television.

My eyes settle on the coffee table where my plane ticket sits, before I look at the clock at the far wall. I need to hail a cab soon. Picking up my bag which I placed by the door, I go to the table and grab the ticket along with my Walkman. The tape that Katniss made for me sits in the player.

Why do I feel like this? Something inside me isn't sitting right and I try to not think about her avoidance.

I can only wait until I see her—_if_ I see her.

After doing a final check, I grab my keys and go to the door. Locking up behind me, I run up the stairs to the lobby.

"Hey, Peeta!" I turn to see Cinna, my neighbor and the designer, coming towards me. Today, he's in a lizard-skin printed vest and leather pants with his hair in small, corkscrew curls. He takes off his dark sunglasses and flashes me a smile. "Heading back home?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Just need to get some things settled before the big move."

"Good luck, dude," he replies. "By the way, you take photographs, right?"

"Photography is my major at NYU."

"Did you want to make some extra money?" I nod. "I need someone to take some pictures for my model calls. It's pretty simple. The girl or guy will do a quick walk for me then you just take their photo in my clothes. It's about a day's work but I'll give you a hundred bucks."

"Sounds awesome, I'm in," I tell him and give him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Cinna."

"Good luck and have a safe trip, young buck. I'll come down the day before the calls and give you the run down," he says.

"Cool." I nervously run a hand through my hair.

"You okay?" he asks.

"I'm a little anxious," I reply. "There's this girl…"

"You'll work it out," he assures me. "What is meant to happen will happen. That's what I believe."

"Thanks, Cinna, see you in a week." I give him a smile and walk out, suddenly ready to go home to Katniss.

* * *

_**Friday, July 12, 1996**_

_**San Francisco**_

"Hi, Peeta."

"Hey, Prim. How are you doing, cutie?" I ask Katniss' little sister over the phone.

"I'm better," she replies evenly.

"Is your sister home?"

"No, she's out with… Johanna." I can hear her evasiveness on the phone.

"Will you let her know that I'm home?" I ask her. "Tell her I've been paging her."

"Sure," Prim pauses. "I'll let her know."

"Nice talking to you," I tell her. I can hear a voice in the background. "Prim?"

"Yes?" Her voice is suddenly nervous.

"When you see her, can you tell her that I miss her?" Inside, the ache begins to grow. "That if there is anything wrong, she can always talk to me. Tell her that I love her."

If she is listening, then she should know that I'm not going away.

"Okay," she agrees. "Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"It was nice to talking to you." She pauses again. "I have to go. Bye."

The line goes dead.

Hanging up, I sigh before putting the receiver back in place. My eyes go to the picture of Katniss on my desk. It's the one of her that I told her I would be keeping—the first picture I ever took of her.

When did everything become so mixed up?

Going to my boombox, I turn it on and then lay back on my bed.

"_And it seemed everlasting  
That you would always be mine  
Now you wanna be free  
So I'll let you fly…"_

There's a knock on my door and I sit up. My Dad opens the door and then closes it softly behind him. He gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Still no sign of Katniss?"

I shake my head. "I don't understand," I tell him as he sits at the foot of the bed. "What happened?"

"I think she needs time," he says after a moment. "She lost her mother."

"I understand that. I lost mine, too."

"You did," he agrees. "But Peeta— your Mom didn't leave by choice. Hers did."

"I know." I can feel my eyes begin to burn. "It hurts." I put my hand to my chest. "Her avoidance. There was something in her eyes the day I left. Like she knew that it would be the last time she saw me."

"Maybe you have to let her go," Dad suggests. "I came in because I wanted to tell you something." He takes a deep breath. "The bakery isn't doing so well and I've decided to go back to San Diego. Someone is looking to buy the store space from me and I think I'm going to accept."

"So that's it?"

He nods. "That's it. Sometimes you have to accept and let go. I know you love Katniss, but maybe you just have to let her go, too."

"I just need to know why." I put my head in my hands. "It's killing me inside."

He pulls me to him. "I know," Dad replies. "After I sign the papers, there's no reason for you to look back. Maybe it's for the best that you don't have to come to San Francisco. It won't be home."

"You don't understand. Anywhere that Katniss is— it's home for me."

* * *

"_How do you want it? How does it feel?  
Comin' up as a nigga in the cash game  
Livin' in the fast lane; I'm for real…"_

"What's up, man?" Thresh gives me a quick hug before we walk into his garage where his car is parked. The hood is up and the car is lifted. A radio sits on the shelf blaring out 2pac's lyrics to the song.

"You shaved your head!"

Thresh runs a hand over his fade. He is wearing a pair of overalls with one of the clasps unhooked so it hangs down. Underneath is a white tank.

"Yup, cornrows got to be too much maintenance," he replies. Going to the small fridge in the corner of the garage, he hands me a can of soda. "So, how's New York?"

"Great. The apartment is comfortable," I tell him as I sit in a lawn chair. "It gets lonely, but I guess I'll be busy with school so it won't be that way for long."

"Cool." He leans against the car.

I look up at him. "Have you been hanging out with Katniss lately?" I ask tentatively.

He stops in place and shakes his head. "She's been M.I.A. and staying home." I hear the same tone of avoidance in his voice.

"Do you know why she's not talking to me? Or returning my calls?" I ask. I know how pathetic I sound, but her silence is painful.

Tears threaten to spill over onto the floor of the garage as I look down and Thresh suddenly kneels before me.

"Maybe you need to go to her house. Just refuse to leave until you see her," he suggests.

"Really?" I think for a moment. It would be hitting the lowest of lows-almost borderline stalking.

Inside me, I know that I deserve to be told the truth even if it means that I lose her in the end.

"If you do— just don't tell her that I put you up to it, okay?" Thresh looks worried. Like he's just done something that he's going to regret.

I nod. "Of course." I take a deep breath and then give him a smile. "So what are your classes this semester?"

* * *

_**Sunday, July 14, 1996**_

I pound on the front door and wait.

Her car sits in the driveway— in the space where her mother's car was before she left them. So I know she's here.

"Katniss! I know you're in there!"

Something in me snaps and I knock frantically until I hear footsteps approaching the door. The door is yanked open and Johanna steps out onto the porch. She closes it quickly behind her so I can't see whether Katniss is there.

"Peeta. Go home," she tells me gently.

I shake my head. "She's in there, isn't she?" I look up to where her bedroom window is. "KATNISS!"

Johanna puts her hands on my shoulders. "Stop this, please!" Her eyes look up to see if there is anyone looking out from behind the curtains. "Katniss isn't here." We both know that she is there.

"I don't know what's going on," I tell her and I can feel the familiar sting of tears hit my eyes. "But I deserve to be told the truth."

Johanna looks at me. "The truth?"

"Yes," I reply and wipe the rampant tear that has escaped my eye. "I deserved to be told that it's over to my face." She looks at me for a moment before nodding.

"You do," she acknowledges. "But for now, go home."

I turn and walk down the steps to my Dad's borrowed car. Ripping open the car door, I get into the driver's seat of the Pathfinder and place my forehead against the wheel.

I let the tears fall, not caring that Johanna is watching me. I don't know notice how long I've been there until I hear a soft knock on the window.

It's Johanna again.

I lower the window and look at her. Her own eyes look at me empathetically. She places a hand over mine, which is gripping the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry," she says to me. "If it's any consolation, you're not the only one around here with a broken heart."

Looking at her, I see how haunted her eyes are and how much older she seems. I can see what the pain of losing the one she's loved has done to her. There's a haunting sadness buried deep inside her.

"Wouldn't you have wanted to have that last talk with Gale?" I ask her and I bite back a sob. "Don't you wish that it hadn't ended the way it did?"

She nods and her own eyes begin to mist over.

"Tell Katniss that," I say to her. "Tell her the least she can do is tell me that it's over. I can't have the ghost of her following me back to New York."

I turn the key and start the car. Johanna gives my hand a final squeeze and smiles at me softly.

"Good luck, Peeta," she tells me quietly.

"Take care of yourself, Johanna."

With that, I pull away from the curb and drive off.

* * *

When the phone rings later that night, I'm the first one to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"It's me." Her voice fills me with an aching need to see her. "We need to talk. Can you meet me later?"

"Sure," I reply in a shaking voice. "Where?"

"Lake Merced at midnight," she tells me quietly. "There's a parking lot next to the bridge that cuts across the lake."

"I'll be there."

The line goes dead.

* * *

_**Monday, July 15, 1996, Midnight**_

_**Lake Merced**_

The parking lot is empty when I show up. For a moment, I think that she might stand me up.

Then I see another car make a turn into the lot and park in the darker part of it.

It's her.

Nervously, I walk towards the car and I see her open the door. Immediately, I can tell that something is off.

However, she looks the same. Her hair is down and framing her face. I remember when I held that face in my hands. Her baggy, hooded sweater has the San Francisco State emblem on the front and on her feet is the pair of Doc Martins that I bought for her.

"Katniss."

She looks up at me with haunted grey eyes, burdened with something that I can't describe. Something happened during the time we've been apart that has changed her.

I walk over to her when she puts a hand up. "Stop. Don't come near me." Her tone is hard and her voice hoarse. "I only came because Johanna said it might stop you from calling the house or coming over."

"What's wrong?" I ask. "You won't answer my calls or respond to my postcards. What happened? What's changed?"

"I did," she says quietly and looks down at her sweater. "I changed. I can't be with you."

"Why?"

"Because we were stupid to think that it would last," she says bluntly. "You're going to be in New York. I live here. It's not going to work—"

"We talked about this!" I yell out suddenly into the air. "I would come see you! I told you that. I want this to work! I want you—"

"I don't want to be with you anymore, Peeta!" Her voice is shaking.

I can see it in the moonlight, the tears in her eyes. Something inside resists what she is telling me.

"I don't believe that," I respond.

She covers her mouth to stop a sob from escaping.

"You can't even talk to me without crying," I continue and I can feel the anger rise inside me. "What the fuck is this? Is there someone else?"

Katniss doesn't respond and it only makes me angrier.

"IS THERE?" I rush up to her before she even has a chance to protest. "IS THERE?" I try to put my hands on her shoulders and she backs away. "Tell me!"

"YES!" She turns away for a moment and I can see her shoulders shaking. She turns back to me, her face stained but her eyes burning. "There is someone else! Someone I love more than you!"

My heart stops.

_Someone else._

I thought I knew her. I thought that she would be faithful and that we were more than just some high school couple.

What a fucking joke.

I don't even want to know who this other person is. I just need to know one thing.

A choked sob sputters out of my mouth. "Why?" I manage to finally say.

"Because it is what it is and-you don't belong here," Katniss tells me as she walks over. Her steps are burdened and heavy. "We were never meant to be. Once school starts, we'll forget one another. You'll forget me - I _want_ you to forget about me."

"That's complete and utter bullshit," I spit out angrily. "You're a fucking coward, Katniss Everdeen. You're so scared that you'll be your mother that you won't even try. But you have become her."

"Don't say that!" Her eyes are suddenly hurt.

"It's true. You're a cold hearted bitch just like her! I love you and you're throwing us away like we're garbage!"

"FUCK YOU, PEETA!" She looks down again before turning to go to her car. "I'm leaving!"

"Go ahead." My heart has hardened in the ten minutes that we've spent together. "Drive off, just like her."

She stops. Her back is turned to me but I can see that a hand is reaching in front of her. I think she is digging her keys out of the pocket of the sweater. Her steps seem even more loaded as she rushes to the car.

"Is that it?" I ask and she turns to me, her eyes expressionless. "Those are our last words to each other?"

Katniss opens her car door and as she about to step in, she turns and looks at me.

"Have a good life, Peeta." Her voice isn't angry, but resigned.

She sits in the front seat of the car and slams the door.

I turn because I can't watch her drive away. Instead, I look up at the moon as I hear her car drive away from me.

I look at the moon for answers.

It gives me nothing.

It's at this moment that I realize that I'm not a child anymore. The moon won't respond.

She won't come back.

The reality of adulthood overcomes me. It's like I'm at the bottom of the lake with bricks in my pocket. I keep on trying to fight it.

But in the end, I have to let myself drown.

* * *

Heavy duty stuff.

Katniss is about 19 weeks into her pregnancy at this point, so she is showing a bit.

Cinna has finally made an appearance. You'll see later on that he has a great influence over Peeta's career. There is also a clue to a past relationship of Peeta's in this chapter.

So Hubbs asked me why I chose Lake Merced for their meeting. Lake Merced is in a quieter part of San Francisco and close to San Francisco State. I picked the area because at night, there is very little light except for the moon along with one lone streetlamp in the parking lot. Also, it is one place that I thought that they could have it out without interruption.

Lake Merced is also featured in Two Wrongs.

Once again, I understand if there are those who think Katniss' behavior might be out of hand but she really isn't in her right mind. You can also see that there are people who are with her who don't understand but respect her wishes (i.e. Thresh).

July 15, 1996 is the day the Princess Diana and Prince Charles signed their divorce papers. So there was more than one couple breaking up that day.

Songs:

"Always Be My Baby"- Mariah Carey

"How Do U Want It?" 2pac ft. K-Ci and Jo-Jo

There is some foreshadowing to problems in Katniss' pregnancy. Did you catch it?

Next: Katniss 2012

Feel free to contact me. Comments and questions are always appreciated. Thank you for reading!

-JLaLa


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you to everyone who messaged me about last chapter! It was much appreciated.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Thank you to Chelzie for her support and awesome beta skills! Have fun in Vegas love!

_If you don't expect too much from me  
You might not be let down  
Cause all I really want is to be with you  
Feeling like I matter too  
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago…_

_ -Gin Blossoms "Hey Jealousy" (1993)_

Again

Chapter Twenty-One: 2012

_**Monday, December 17, 2012**_

"You are everything and everything is you…"

"As I live and breathe—is Katniss Everdeen singing?"

I look up from my computer screen and see Johanna leaning against the doorway of my office. I scowl at her amusement.

"Hey, Jo-Jo," I greet her as I turn off the computer. Grabbing my purse, I get up and move around to front of my desk. "Ready to go?"

She crosses her arms as she walks over to me, "You didn't answer my question." Johanna puts a hand on each of my shoulders and gives me a playful grin. "Were you singing?"

I groan before I answer. "Yes, I was singing." I walk past her and she chases after me.

Putting her arm around me, together we walk towards the building exit. "You're so in love. It's just as sickening as before."

"Well, then stop asking me about it," I respond as we get to the elevators. "You're being nosy."

"Fine. You two are a bore anyway."

Once we are finally inside the elevator, Johanna turns to me again.

"Have you guys done it yet?"

"Johanna!"

* * *

"Seriously, you need to wear something that's going to make Peeta drag you to bed," Johanna says as we look through the racks at Bloomingdale's. "And maybe we should think about getting you some new underwear. What do you wear to bed?"

"A t-shirt," I tell her.

"Are you wearing panties?" she asks as we pass a saleswoman, who raises her eyebrows.

"Can we not talk about this here?" I plead. "We're supposed to be looking for a dress for my holiday party."

"Don't you want to knock boots?"

"Who calls it that anymore?" I ask as I pull a white dress with a beaded bodice from the rack.

She grabs the dress from my hand and puts it back.

Johanna shakes her head. "Not white. Do you want to look like a virgin?"

"We have a child together," I respond as I walk to another rack. "I'm no virgin."

"How long has it been since you've had sex?" she asks.

I stop for a moment and do the math before answering. "I think maybe…eleven years?"

She freezes in her tracks and turns to me with wide eyes.

"Geez, Katniss! What's down there, cobwebs?" She looks down at my crotch area and I feel my face burn. "Where the hell is that saleswoman?"

Johanna spots the same woman who heard her talking to me about my sleepwear. Taking her index and middle finger, she sticks them in her mouth and whistles to get her attention. The saleswoman rushes over and gives us a smile.

"How can I help you ladies?" she asks as she adjusts her glasses over her nose.

"I need you to find my friend a dress that will make the father of her child _beg_ to take her to bed," Johanna commands. "She might just re-virginize if we don't do something."

"How much do you want him to beg?" the saleswoman asks. I look at her tag and see that her name is Gretchen. "Because begging comes at a price."

Johanna hands her a credit card and turns to me. "Consider this your Christmas present. I want him on his knees begging. Make it happen."

Gretchen smiles as she leads us to the plush couches of the women's dressing room.

"Have a seat. I have the perfect dress."

* * *

"What do you think I should get Adina for Christmas?" Peeta asks me as we walk through the crowded mall.

"I think she'd be happy with anything that you bought her," I reply easily. Peeta gives me a pointed stare and I laugh. "Okay, okay! She actually needs her own set of luggage—for Juilliard." I falter for a moment. "That's happening soon, isn't it? About six months?"

Peeta puts an arm around me. "Hey, hey now..." He kisses me quickly as we weave through the throngs of people. "You still have me. I'm not going anywhere."

I look up at him. "Really? What about that fancy job in New York?" I ask carefully.

We have never broached the subject of 'what happens next' with us. I love how he has found ways to insert himself into the missing holes of our lives. It seems so comfortable and perfect, but I'm scared.

How long can it last?

"I'll work something out. You just have to trust me," he replies as we pass the middle of the mall where the North Pole displays are set up. Kids are lined up, excitedly waiting to sit on Santa's lap and get their pictures taken with him.

Peeta turns to me again. "What did Adina ask Santa for when she was a kid?"

I kiss him again before I answer. "She asked for you."

"Santa took his time, I guess," he says. "And what did you ask from Santa?"

"I asked for your forgiveness."

"A new year is coming up," Peeta replies and then stops. He takes my hand and moves my knuckles to his lips. "New start."

"Agreed," I nod with a grin.

He looks up at the store in front of him. It is all white except for the bright, colorful pieces in the store.

"Kate Spade," he reads the store sign then turns to me. "Does she make luggage?"

"Kate Spade? You're going to buy our daughter designer luggage?" He drags me into the store. "I was thinking we could get her something standard, like something from Samsonite."

He picks up a large purse that looks like a bowling bag.

"Don't worry," he says in an assuring tone. "I'll get her something a little less showy for her other gifts."

He turns to me again. "Gucci makes leather wallets, right?"

* * *

"Do you think Dad will like it?" Adina asks nervously as she wraps Peeta's present.

"Of course, babe," I reply as I place Johanna's present under our tree.

Peeta and Adina spent copious amounts of time choosing a tree while I waited in the car because it was so cold. The two of them decorated it together while I watch them and took pictures. It was sweet to see Adina light up as the ten foot tree came to life. She was always enthusiastic when it came to tree decorating as a child. As she grew, her interest in it faded, but then Peeta came and brought it back to life.

"What are you getting Dad?"

Adina tightens the ribbon on her present and places it under the tree before turning back to me. We both sit on the floor with gift wrapping around us.

"I'm not too sure yet," I reply as I begin wrapping Gale's present. It's a box set of the Godfather Trilogy.

"I know what you can get him."

"What?"

"Sex."

I almost drop the scissors on my thighs. I look up at Adina, whose her cheeks are flushed a bright red.

"Adina June—" I only call her that when I want her to know I mean business. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Auntie Jo-Jo might've mentioned that you two sleep in the same bed but nothing is happening…" her voice trails off guiltily. "Don't you want to be with Dad?"

"Jo-Jo is no longer allowed to drink in this house." Her lips get quite loose when she's had a shot or two. "Adina, she shouldn't have told you that but since she did—" I pause to think for a moment. "It's complicated. Sex can be complicated."

"Didn't you like it with Dad?" She leans forward. "He wasn't bad at it, was he?"

"No!" I say, louder than I expected. "Your Dad was perfectly adequate. More than adequate, actually."

"Gross!"

"Well, you asked, kid," I retort. "Why all the questions?"

She bites her lip nervously and pulls her hand through her long hair. Then Adina looks up at me with sadness swimming in her eyes.

"What's to keep him from leaving us again?" she asks me. "Maybe if you two were a bit further along physically, then you could move to the next level."

"You can't use sex to make someone stay," I tell her. "Sex is not a bargaining tool."

"I know," she says and looks down. Adina picks at the carpet. "But isn't it a way to show someone that you love them?"

"It can be but—" I stop for a minute. "Adina, have you…"

Her head shoots up and she begins shaking it wildly. "No! No!" She clasps her hands on her lap. "I mean, I've thought about it but not yet. I'm just wondering because what if I meet someone at Julliard and things progress—or Bailey comes to visit?"

She and Bailey have broken up but remain friends. They both knew that it couldn't go anywhere further, especially when they were going to be living apart.

"I mean, should I go on birth control?"

I feel like someone just smacked me with a bat. All I can do, however, is tell her the truth.

"If you think you'll need to, then you should… but that doesn't give you the green light to hump anything that moves."

"MOM!"

I grin in spite of myself and flick her nose playfully. "You asked for my opinion."

* * *

"Adina asked me about birth control," I tell Peeta later that night.

My head lies on his bare chest and I try not to think about how smooth it is.

He shifts so he can look at me. "I wish you'd never told me that," he says slowly. "I just want to keep her sweet, seventeen, and virginal forever."

I sit up in bed and he follows suit. "I feel the exact same way."

"I kind of want to punch that Bailey in the nuts, too."

I laugh before turning to him. "You know that if anyone would initiate sex, it would be Adina. She was raised to be a leader."

"Just like her Mama," he says and an easy grin falls onto his lips.

"She also talked to me about one more thing," I confess, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"What?"

"Us. Me. You. In this bed." I look down. "Apparently, Johanna has loose lips when she drinks."

"She is not allowed with Adina after two drinks," he tells me and I nod in agreement. "What did she say?"

"That we don't do anything but sleep in bed," I reply quietly. "Adina is concerned that you won't stick around if there's no guarantee for sex."

I don't reveal that a tiny part inside of me is also worried.

Peeta shifts in bed and moves closer to me. He lifts my chin with his finger gently and our eyes meet.

"Do you want to?" he asks.

"I do," I reply carefully. "But I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

I think for a moment before answering. "What if we're bad at it—with each other?" He laughs quietly and shakes his head at me. I hit his chest in response. "Don't laugh at me!"

"Katniss, we're not going to be bad at it," he assures me. "This is you and me. We did a lot of experimenting when we were younger. Honestly, I don't think my moves have changed." He looks up at me with raised brows. "Unless you've learned a thing or two since we've been apart?"

I don't respond and he sighs in frustration. He knows when he shouldn't push me to tell him things.

"I know that we won't be bad because we love each other," Peeta continues. "But we don't have to until you give me a sign that you're ready."

I look into his eyes and suddenly I'm not worried about what's going to happen. I know he won't hurt me.

I was never one to convey my feelings with words, so I decide to give him a sign.

Taking his hand, I place it on my breast. He inhales sharply but doesn't move his hand. Instead, he caresses me before thumbing my nipple until it's peaked.

I feel my insides coil pleasurably. It's been a long time since I've been touched. Since—

Peeta presses his forehead against mine and our mouths find their way to one another. The first kiss is hungry and breathless. When we pull away, I don't know whose heart is beating faster.

The second kiss is slower; I remember exactly how he liked to be kissed before making love. Peeta preferred his kisses to be slow and that's exactly how I kiss him. I place light kisses against his strong jaw before I take his lower lip in-between my own before following suit with the upper. He groans into my mouth.

My hands move to his shirt where I grasp the bottom and pull it over his head. The hunger takes over and my mouth moves to his collarbone, where I place wet kisses along it. Peeta lays back to watch me and his hand moves to undo the braid in my hair.

I look down at him and we both smile at one another. After all these years, we still remember.

"Are you okay?" he asks nervously.

I nod before pulling my own t-shirt over my head. I don't wear a bra to bed, so I'm bare-chested with only my white cotton panties on. Peeta's eyes widen and his hands reach to thumb my nipples again.

"It doesn't feel like the first time," I whisper tightly. "It's like I never forgot how you feel, how you make me feel."

"I know." He sits up and places his lips behind my earlobe, causing me to cry out softly. "I guess that still works for you."

"More," I urge. "I need more."

Moving towards the middle of the bed, I reach for the elastic of his boxers and yank the waistband down.

Finally, there he is—naked and wanting before me.

"I feel like this should be more epic," he remarks. "Like we should have music and candles."

"We were never into that kind of thing anyway," I reply. "I think this is perfect. We will have so many other times to make love that way."

Getting off the bed, I hook my thumbs into the elastic of my panties and slowly pull them down as he watches. My eyes never stray from his as I do.

When they are on the ground, I walk back to the bed slowly so that he can watch my nude form. Getting up on the bed, I sit next to him before gently pushing him back.

"Are we really doing this?" Peeta asks me as I straddle him.

"Yes," I say and sink down onto his rock-hard length.

There are no words to describe the pleasure running through my body. Like before, he fits inside me perfectly; I feel the pulsing of his cock and let out a breath to relax.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Just savoring," I reply breathlessly.

His hands move to my hips and he guides them up before letting me come down again. We both moan at the sensation.

Peeta looks up at me; his usually bright blue eyes have darkened as he watches me gyrate against him. His hands reach to cup each of my breasts before he pinches both of my nipples. The pain and the pleasure of it all causes me to move faster towards completion.

"Oh God—Katniss, I'm going to come soon if you keep going like this," he tells me as he begins to push his hips up to meet my thrusts.

"AHH!" I yelp, covering my mouth. Our daughter is a few doors down and Johanna's room is to right of ours.

"I love you so much, baby," Peeta says as we move frantically towards our release.

Sweat glistens against Peeta's chest and without thinking, I lean down to suck the skin on his breastbone.

I meet his eyes and grin. "I love you, too."

Peeta suddenly shifts and flips me over so that my back is now on the bed. He pulls out of me and I moan in frustration.

"Patience, Katniss," he says as he looks down at me with a grin. God, he's so fucking sexy when he smiles like that.

"I've been patient," I argue.

Peeta doesn't reply. Instead, he takes my leg and places it over his shoulder before he pushes himself into me again. My hips arch in response and my eyes roll to the back of my head.

I feel the familiar tightening inside of me, and I know Peeta can feel it too because he begins to move faster. The room is filled with our low moans as we try to keep the other people in the house from knowing what is happening.

"Peeta, I'm coming…" I can feel my insides gripping onto him as I do. Peeta leans down and I grab at his hair, pulling his lips to mine so I can scream out my orgasm into his mouth. He responds by pushing himself farther in and moaning into my mouth.

With one last thrust, he fills me and my body responds, arching up as he does.

Peeta slowly pulls out of me and my sensitive nerves cause me to gasp. He falls back next to me on the bed, breathless. I can hardly breathe myself; this is the first time in years that we've been together.

After all this time, the feeling of him makes me feel complete.

He pulls me to him and I lay my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat return to its normal rate.

"Stay with me," I tell him tiredly.

My eyes drift close before I can hear him respond.

* * *

_**Friday, December 21, 2012**_

"Delly spares no expense when it comes to her holiday parties, does she?"

I turn to see Peeta behind me with two glasses of champagne.

Everyone has shown up at the museum for the company party. A large stage has been set up as a jazz band plays. We've been here for a few hours and the dance floor is completely full. Peeta tried to persuade me to dance with him, but I wasn't having it. Delly finally indulged him and let him take a turn with her. They had been good friends during high school.

"You know Delly," I reply as he hands me the glass. "She loves to indulge."

He nods in agreement and then wraps an arm around me. "Have I told you how beautiful you look?" His mouth finds its way to my bare shoulder.

I really should thank Johanna tomorrow.

The dress that Gretchen picked out for me is perfect. Black with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline, it reaches down to below my knees so it's still tasteful. However, it is tight and clings to every curve that I have. The fabric is leather-esque and stretchy, the ruching on my hips helping me to feel a little less conscious about the tightness of it.

I brush my lips against his quickly. "Thank you, but I seriously need to get out of this dress. I can barely breathe. I think Johanna picked a size too small for me."

"I think you look great," Peeta replies as he looks me over. "But if you really want to go home and take it off for me, then that's fine." He gives me a playful smile.

"Horny bastard."

"And proud of it!" He kisses me and I surrender quickly to taste of his champagne-laced lips.

Since that first night, we've had a hard time keeping our hands off each other. Thresh got a good eyeful of Peeta's ass when he walked in on us in the kitchen yesterday.

Not that he minded.

"Katniss!" Someone calls out, though it sounds hazy in my lust filled mind.

I manage to pull away before we get too far. We don't want a repeat of the coat room incident from this evening. Security has their eyes on us already.

Delly is in front of us. She hasn't changed much from high school. Well, she actually ditched her black framed glasses, bleached hair and the plaid pants, so she does look different. Delly, however, is still as smart and tough as she was back then.

Tonight, she is dressed elegantly in a sleeveless ruffled collar dress, while her hair is twisted in a bun resting low on the nape of her neck.

"How are you two liking the party?" she asks.

"We're having a good time," Peeta replies, then looks over at me with a teasing smile. "Although I think Katniss has had a little too much champagne. She's been all over me."

I hit his arm. "No, I haven't!"

Delly laughs. "We believe you," she responds and winks at Peeta. "Why don't you get this little lady home for some R&R?"

Peeta kisses my cheek. "I'll go get your coat. See you later, Delly."

"See you, Peeta," Delly responds before turning to me with a sly smile. "Well, well, Katniss. Looks like you two are getting along well."

"It's been a good couple of days for us."

"I'm really glad that you're happy," she tells me. "After all these years, you two still look at each other the same way."

"How is that?"

"Like you want to fuck each other against a wall," Delly grins at me. "Or in a coat check closet. I saw the security tape." She gives me a quick hug. "See you Monday!"

Delly waves before rejoining her date—some guy from IT. She was always in love with computer techies and lost her virginity to one during our sophomore year at State.

I take a sip from my glass and turn to put it on a nearby table when I knock into someone.

I must be drunker than I think.

"I'm so sorry—"

"Katniss?"

I look up to see a tall, familiar blond and the blood drains from my face. "Cato?"

Cato gives me a big smile. "How are you, kid?"

"I'm good," I reply. "A little drunk, but good. What are you doing here?"

"My girlfriend works in your HR department," he says and points behind me. I turn to spot a red haired woman in a green dress; she gives him a quick wave.

"Cool."

He shifts in place. "How's Deenie?"

"She's good." A proud smile grows on my face. "She got into Juilliard."

"Juilliard? That's great!" he says. "She always was playing on that piano of hers. I guess she's playing a lot more than 'Chopsticks' now."

"Yup, she's actually writing her own music," I inform him.

"You have a picture of her? Every time I see a little dark haired girl, I think it's my Deenie. I miss her."

"Yeah!" I take my wallet out of my clutch and open it to show him Adina's senior photo. "She's not a little girl anymore, though."

"She looks just like you," Cato replies as he stares at the photo. "I'd really love to catch up with her."

"I think she'd like that," I say. "We still have the same phone number. Give her a call." I pause for a moment. "Where are you working now?"

"Stanford Medical Center."

"Living the dream just like you wanted," I say with a soft smile. "I'm proud of you."

"Katniss?" I turn to see Peeta holding my coat. He is eyeing Cato suspiciously.

"Peeta, this is Cato."

Cato puts his hand out eagerly. "It's nice to finally meet you." He looks at Peeta for a moment. "Deenie has your eyes."

"Deenie?" Peeta repeats.

"He means Adina," I tell him.

"I'd better go," Cato says. "Don't want to leave my date waiting." He kisses my cheek and then shakes Peeta's hand once more. "I'll give Deenie a call in a few days."

"See you, Cato," I say with a final wave. I watch him join his girlfriend and then turn to Peeta. "Let's go."

* * *

"Ask me."

"What?" Peeta asks as we drive back home. The trip so far has been silent, both of us wrapped up in our own memories.

"You want to know who he is."

"I do," he says honestly. "So who is he?"

I take a deep breath. "Remember the UCSF t-shirt in my drawer? The one you put on me during our first date?"

"What about it?"

"It was Cato's."

* * *

Not too many notes, but you got some Cato and Delly!

"You are Everything" is sung by The Stylistics.

The dress that Katniss to the party wears is made by 'Stop Staring'. Let me know if you want to check it out!

The next flashback chapter will take place in November 1996, which if you didn't already know, is the month that Adina's born. So yes—it's the birth chapter. My music rec for you? "Lightning Crashes" by Live.

There will be other skips in time after this, which is pretty similar to _Two Wrongs_.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Next: Katniss-November '96

-JLaLa


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